Can anyone relate ?

[timehhhh]

Hi everyone I am new here 54 yr old widower. Lost my wife last year of 14 years to a massive brain hemorage. She had been very sick the last 10 years and had not been home in 8yrs. Also the first of this year I lost my job to all my conditions. I have depression and anxiety. I also started suffering from agoraphobia. I have found I t very hard to do anything. I havent had to look for a job in over 30yrs. I am now trying frantically to find a job. I am running out of money and it looks like I am going to have to sell my house that both of us worked very hard to keep over the years. I find it hard to sleep at night and hard to get out of bed to start looking for a job. I find it hard to do house work ,laundry or just basically everything. I aso have a fear of leaving my house. I am taking prozac now but was on something else that was even worse. My doctor also gave me gabapentin as it seems to calm my anxious mind and panic. So I guess my question is.. .. I am so scared to go on a job interview or even leave the house to go to start a new job. Has anyone had to deal with the anxiety and panic? I try to meditate and do some guided mindfulness. It seems to help a little. I prob need to go back to the doctor as well but I have anxiety about that too. I have a new doctor and will have to start over new. My doctor retired. I have been to some counseling but money is very tight like I said. I think my anxiety stems from the grieving still of my wife to being lonely and isolated. I don't have many friends as I was working and trying to keep my wife happy in the hospitals and care facilities. I am now very anxious about loosing my job and the thought of having to move to where I dont know has me anxious and paniced.

[Rafiki11]

I have not experienced anything similar but my heart goes out to you! You and your late wife were much too young to deal with such sickness and death.

I am glad you are trying to meditate and you are involving your doctor.

I am hoping you find a job that is a good fit very soon!

[Agora1]

Dear timehhhh, I am sincerely sorry for the loss of your wife. Along with grieving, losingyour job earlier in the year and the changes you will have to make in order to survive are

all life changing issues that we don't have control over. With that said, when life feels out

of control, we get stuck in a cycle of fear and panic. This is when extreme anxiety can turn

into Agoraphobia. We feel unable to take a step forward out of our "comfort" zone, our

home. Sometimes, it's the bed itself that is the only place that feels safe and familiar.

Unfortunately, life is about changes from the time we are born. Once you muster up the courage to go on an interview and find a job, things may get a little easier for you. Both financially as well as having a structured day. It will give you a reason to get up each day, focus on your work issues while interacting with others at work.

Once you start getting your life in order again, you will be able to grieve in your own way, in your own time. You will have a purpose and a reason for living. You are still young but at any

age in life, we need to believe that we are capable in doing whatever needs to be done.

Being here on this safe, caring site will also help you not feel so alone. It's about taking one step at a time. Make a list of things that need to be done, cross them off as you complete them.

Know that when you step out of your home to interview, no one knows who you are when you enter that company. Take a deep breath before going in and "play act" being a confident,

outgoing person. Not only will the interviewer be more open to who you are but your self

conscious mind will also be surprised as you will leave the interview feeling 10 times better

for yourself whether you get the job or not.

Think of each interview as a practice approach. Eventually, sooner than later, you will get more comfortable in going out of your comfort zone.

The more we protect ourselves from our fears, the longer we stay stuck.

Know that this advice is coming from my own life experience. Overwhelming anxiety that led me to 5 years stuck in my home. I worked on the answers by finding solutions as well as

acceptance of anxiety being a lie. I vowed to get control back of my life and here I am ready

to "pass it forward". I'm happy to Welcome you here. Good Luck, we are but a message

away. xx

[lillyofthevalley37]

Very sorry for the loss of your wife , sorry as well for you and your sad state of mind , your wife's problems are over she is at peace now yet you have the rest of your life to live , don't be afraid to leave the house , you should go out everyday imo , don't hide yourself away God Bless

[Dolphin14]

I'm so sorry for your loss. Grieving can be a long process. Your wife had been ill a long time. That must have taken such a huge toll on your mental and physical health.

I would say take it slow. Take care of you. Getting out is tough. Baby steps....a little at a time.

🐬

[Lazy_dog_lover]

Wow, you have surely had more of a rough time than any one person should. You did everything you could for your wife. That is kind and honorable. Now it is time to take care of you.

I am 50. Anxiety, depression, and going into my 4th surgery from a March 2020 car accident. I cannot. claim to know what the loss of your wife feels like. I have been alone for my whole adult life. I still have some family near. I am also job searching after 20+ years teaching.

Tell me more about your career and hobbies. If you are in the US, have you filed for disability? Do you have kids? Think of starting with a new doctor as a pair of fresh eyes. It might be fabulous. Mine are still in telehealth.

Share some more of your “normal” and we can brainstorm.

[timehhhh in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

I appreciate everyone advice and support. I have a 2yr degree in electronics. I have a couple of hobbies. My late wife always encouraged me to keep busy with hobbies. She actually lost her husband of maybe 2yrs and had a 18 month old baby girl at the very young age of 21. She was a widow for about 15 years before we met up. Anyways I am a ham radio operator or amateur radio operator. I also took up metal detecting as my wife and kids bought me a metal detector for Father's day one year. My stepdaughter moved to Florida less than a year ago. She is very busy with her her job and has twins (a boy and girl) that my wife was able to meet when they were born and a few other times before the pandemic. They are going to be 2 yrs old in augustust.I have a son that is adopted from my first marriage. He lives in the next city and is busy with his job working nights. He is 24 and just bought a house . He is single . Back to my step daughter she is about 32 . I am finding it hard to leave my house. I have a fear of New things as my world has been turned upside down pThe past year. Anxiety when I wake up in the morning is pretty crippling. As the day goes on I start to feel a little better. Insomnia is not too fun either. I try and practice mindfulness and meditation that helps a little .

[Lazy_dog_lover in reply to timehhhh]

That is great that you have grown kids and grandkids to connect with. Do you video chat with them all? That is also your reality. You do have them. Don't try to get over this bump, alone. Don't assume they don't want to help you. 2 year olds are so curious. File for disability asap. It takes a long time. I bet there are Ham Radio and Metal Detecting groups on Facebook that you can connect with. It is so nice to message people who understand your hobbies. I find free furniture and refinish it for charity. I have learned a lot.

Are you using an App for guided meditations? I use Headspace and Pandora. I also videochat with a hypnotherapist who talks me through them. I am going in for my third surgery to repair my foot after an accident. He has gotten me through panic attacks. We worked on sleep hygiene and relaxation before bed.

And, of course, we are always here.

[Notknitting]

So sorry for your loss timehhhh.I have been dealing with depression and anxiety for a good while. I was on FMLA with my job until I started on long-term disability. Eventually, I was granted social security disability. I just had to change to a new therapist and psychiatrist due to getting on Medicare. (I'm 56) I also deal with social anxiety. I just started on gabapentin again, and it helps some along with meditation and my other medication. Take one day...even one hour at a time. Give yourself time and permission to grieve all that you may have pent up after all these years. In the meantime, what ever little things bring you joy, enjoy them at your leisure. Take care of yourself.

[Flifish]

I have experienced exactly the same . . Anxiety and panic. I can feel your heart. What I do is breathe calmly (5 in and 5 out) and pray for peace! It will happen but it does take time. YOU CAN DO IT ! but take baby steps. My son died, and my daughter age 48 is terminal w colon cancer. Know that your dear wife is free of any pain and living an eternal life full of glory and joy. ✍me anytime. Take care .