Elderly mom medical issues

[Teresaq]

Hi everyone,

I hope you all are doing well. I need help, my mom 87yrs old in and out of hospital in poor shape. She was doing so well one day to the next she's difference physically and mentally (dementia) gotten worse bladder not working properly..she not eating much only pruree foods, at times refuses medication. Doctor want to release her from the hospital. But I keep asking myself how do I take her to follow-up appointments if she can't sit up for long, nor stand..is it wrong that I'm thinking hospice? I don't want her to suffer anymore. I'm I a horrible child for thinking this? I don't want her to die but I dont want to be the one causing her death!

Please help.

Thank you all.

[hypercat54]

What country are you in? If in the UK then maybe you could think about a care home for her?

[Teresaq in reply to hypercat54]

Hi, I'm in USA home won't be any good, if she stop eat and doesn't want to be in hospital. I would think she would get worse.

[hypercat54 in reply to Teresaq]

We had this not eating with my mum. We managed to get her some build up drinks which she liked and she would drink those a bit. They have all the vitamins in and lots of calories which will help keep her weight up.

[Teresaq in reply to hypercat54]

Yes, given nutritional drinks. We're trying. Can I ask how your mom doing now?

[hypercat54 in reply to Teresaq]

Oh this was some years ago and she has gone now. You are not horrible for wishing for her suffering to end as no one wants to see a loved one in pain do they.

That is all I can say. I won't give you my own experiences as your post isn't locked to this community.

I wish you the best with your mother.

[Hidden]

What do you think is truly best for your mom? She doesn’t seem like she’s aware of the decisions you make for her if I’m being honest. It’s your time to take care of her the best way that YOU can. It doesn’t seem possible to take her to follow up appointments if she has to be transferred there. Does she live with you or at a SNF? She seems more as a DNI/DNR patient but you are her daughter and she loves and trusts you. I think you’re doing a great job and you wouldn’t be causing her death she is almost 90. Doing your best with the caretakers and care management is hard enough as it is so try your best to seek advice from the providers and voice your concerns. That’s my best advice

[Teresaq in reply to Hidden]

I truly appreciate your wisdom. Thank for your feed back 🙏