I am not sure if I am ready for marriage

[Megan007]

Hi,

I am in a relationship with my boyfriend for about 5 years now and we started thinking of getting married this year and started the planning and when his parents and my parents involved, things got pretty bad because we have to postpone the wedding because of Covid and there has been so many discussions like about kids, finance and relationship. We had our differences and trying to make it work and moving towards the wedding but after all this now I am having thoughts like I am not sure I am ready for the wedding I am having doubts like will he treat me better will he allow me to be who I am and or are we able to work it out or not and at the same time this wedding has caused lot of rift between both of us and I am confused and don’t what to do? Thank you for reading and please advise

[Saki-Amamiya]

Hi Megan. Two parts jumped out to me here: 'will he treat me better' and 'will he allow me to be who I am'.In what ways do you think he needs to treat you better? Because I don't think getting married to him would sort those issues, if anything it might just make it worse. I think you need to consider in what ways he could treat you better first before deciding to get married, or even, continuing the relationship with him.

Secondly, 'will he allow me to be who I am'. Do you feel restricted at the moment to be yourself? If so, I think if any doubt like that is there at all, then the relationship is not worth being in. From my own experience, I totally changed myself for someone else once; completely became their ideal partner, or at least everything I thought they wanted. In doing so, I totally lost sight of myself and who I was as a person, which was not pleasant at all. The relationship didn't last of course, because I could never live up to their expectations, but whatever.

Never lose yourself and always do what's best for you. Hope any of this helps ✌️

[SirGrits]

Hey Megan you sound just like me before I got married. It'll be 19yrs tomorrow actually. No I don't treat her the same today as I did then. Yes I could have done better. No she doesn't treat me the same either. One of the things marriage does is make us stronger by growing up together. Maybe your concerns are basic maturity type things, maybe they're more serious. ChavivLeon is right, people that know you best are a good resource. A better one would be a pre-marital counselor. My wife and I sorted out all those questions in pre-marital counseling and it was rough. I'm forever grateful to our pastor for doing that with us and it really laid the foundation. Megan I feel pretty confident that your seeing things correctly and can overcome this stuff with your fiancé; but do get someone to help guide you before you tie the knot--you're worth that. Prayers and congratulations.

[Rayblade900]

Brilliant advice. I've been married 3 times and with the benefit of hindsight married for the wrong reasons and to ultimately please others.ChavivLeon you are so right on your advice. These days "young people" turn to Social Media for "advice and opinions" (broadly speaking). Speak to your immediate family and a best friend who knows you well enough to give you an honest opinion... not faceless people online who could be anyone.