I found the person of my dreams but I am so sad

[littleorange8]

After ending a 5 year relationship with an abusive guy, I took some time to focus on myself and i have finally found myself in a relationship with the man of my dreams. However, I noticed that every time after we hang out and I have to go back home or back to work, I get really depressed for days on end when he is not beside me. I also get really anxious thoughts about him leaving me. He has been so patient with my anxiety and helps me work through it. I really want to build a healthy relationship with him. I feel so depressed (like my chest is aching) every time I am away from him. We just finished spending time together today, and I have an essay due tomorrow but I cannot focus because I’m sad and crying. What do I do?

[Hidden]

If you feel that way, he may be the one. Just don't give yourself completely to someone. Keep working on yourself and be independent as well. He should add more to your life but not be the reason for living. Any signs of aggression you leave. I was in an abusive marriage and you know the signs. Be strict and cut it off when necessary. The cycle is so easy to repeat.

[littleorange8 in reply to Hidden]

But I’m scared I may not be the one for him.. I’m scared to be hurt or let down again

[Hidden in reply to littleorange8]

Just be yourself. If its not meant to be move on. I know it's hard but don't doubt yourself.

[littleorange8 in reply to Hidden]

That’s what my mom said when I talked to her tonight. I honestly never met someone as perfectly compatible with me, and I think maybe I’m just scared of losing him. My mom said that I should try to focus on myself, because nothing else in the world is forever, but I will forever have myself. But it’s difficult when I am so in love with this man.

[Hidden in reply to littleorange8]

I cried for months when I met my husband thinking he would discover the real me and not like it. I was honest about my past and he loved me anyway.

[littleorange8 in reply to Hidden]

we’re in a relationship right now but only been saying that we like each other. is it okay to tell him that I’ve fallen in love with him?

[Hidden in reply to littleorange8]

Yes, absolutely. If he runs, he's not the one. Just make sure it's been a little while and not just a few weeks. Good luck.

[socratesanne in reply to littleorange8]

Let him come to you as you start to first love yourself. It will happen. Read on attachment issues for your own future and might want to see a counselor for support.

[Bee1232 in reply to Hidden]

Have u ever been diagnosed with bi polar??

[Hidden in reply to Bee1232]

Yes. I was in the mental hospital but I think it was situational and not bipolar. I stopped all meds a year ago and I've been just fine. Why? What's up?

[Bee1232 in reply to Hidden]

I was just asking, you sound like me but your emotions run very high and you prob fall easy too. I do that and I’m bipolar... didn’t mean you are. Just asking

[Hidden in reply to Bee1232]

Yes, I fall hard too, but it's been seven years since I was really down so I don't know what to think about it. I can live with it though. So far, so good.

[socratesanne]

You are entitiled to a good life full of love and caring but you are not allowing yourself to enjoy your moments with him and need to enjoy you life separate as well. It seems you are carrying some kind of grief into this relationship and there is not room for that in this new found love. Just enjoy it. Worry and fear destroy. Perhaps a transitional object, like a picture on your desk to remind you of him or a daily check in but not this clinging morbidity. Love should be joyful but you have to find it within you, not another person.

[SheWrote]

I love how you took time to focus on yourself following an unhealthy relationship. That had to have been hard to do. You should be proud of yourself for that! I was in unhealthy and even codependant relationships for years. It was often when I felt I couldn't live without the person, that I formed this unhealthy bond to them and chalked it up to love. I would like to encourage you to dig into this a bit more and be brutally honest with yourself. It's okay to miss them, because you enjoy being with them, but fear, anxiety and depression should not come into play in their absence. I have resources I could share with you, if you'd like to know more. You are so loved!