Moving on from someone

[jwhitleyjr]

I don't know if anyone may have good advice about moving on from someone. Two years ago I stopped talking to a relative because I felt he turned into a jerk and a bully and condescending person once he obtain a career in law enforcement. I still think about the good old days when we connected before his career. But after, I just don't like who has become. Plus, we are Black American and I found his views on our community really wrong. Deep down inside I still love him. But I liked the old person way better. Now its like he is not my cup of teas as the saying goes.

[dtorsen]

Sometimes people change but not for the better. Perhaps you can talk to him and tell him a in nice way that sometimes what he says makes you uncomfortable and you find his comments derogatory.Ask him why he has those view points. Tell him you miss hanging out with him like you used to. Maybe he doesn’t realize that his comments are offensive. Hopefully he’ll be open to what your saying. If not, It might be better for your well-being to keep your distance. Sorry you are dealing with this.

[DodgeDhanda]

If he wasn't family it would be a lot easier to move on. His behaviour isn't different to what others in law enforcement think & feel unfortunately.

If ur parents or his are still alive or any elders , u need to give him a wide berth, but if that's not the case cut him out ur life.

Only we can change ourselves & it seems ur relative has chose to change himself & thats possible due to peer pressure from work colleagues & that circle of new friends now.

I know u would love the old days to come back but they don't & truly only u can decide exactly what u do.

I've learned to be cold hearted when it comes to me protecting myself & if I had a relative like yours I would have cut him out of my life & if I was ever asked I would tell people the truth.

Not an easy decision as he family

[jwhitleyjr in reply to DodgeDhanda]

I think I better cut him out. I will try my best.

[DodgeDhanda in reply to jwhitleyjr]

Good Luck & if there are tears & do I don't I, then u know subconsciously he meant a great deal to you & as u already know its not an easy decision to arrive at BUT at some point U are in charge of who is involved with ur life.

We all have a duty to ourselves

[Hidden]

I believe there are some good police officers out there but I do think some of them have certain attitudes where I might be uncomfortable if I knew them personally too. You don't necessarily have to completely stop talking to him, just if he ever is at some family get together like Christmas, just keep the conversation about the weather or does he like his gift stuff and don't tell him anything personal going on with you, keep your guard up. People don't need to know certain things. That's why they say when at a party, never bring up politics or religion. Wise words.

[jwhitleyjr in reply to Hidden]

Yes you are right about keeping my business to myself because we see this world differently.

[Melancholy12]

I think you did the right thing distancing yourself from him. I would have thought by going into this field he would have taken his goodness with him. Just the opposite/ I wish he was more tolerant for the sake of the neighborhood he is working in. You might be able to have a sit down with him at some point. It sounds like he turned into a bully at this later stage of his life not a good trait for someone in law enforcement

[watercello]

I can share my experiences. I have relatives like that and I do not have a relationship with them. ( They were not different as children, but as a child, I did not have the power to choose who I let into my life) People can change but they have not - and it sounds like your relative changed for the worse. For me, it is a matter of respecting myself, knowing that I have a right to be who I am, and I am not responsible for their wellbeing. I also love them and wish them only the best.

It has helped me not to have contact, at first it was painful- and awkward. but It has helped me feel safer in the world.

[jwhitleyjr in reply to watercello]

Wow that is powerful thank you.I will keep my distance.