Moving on from dysfunctional relation... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Moving on from dysfunctional relationship

blueskyfree
blueskyfree

I had been in a roller coaster relationship for over for 4 years with someone I suspect had narcissistic personality disorder. The past few days have been especially stressful. He came to my place high at 2 am and started getting violent, grabbing my phone, punching a hole in my dresser, and then the worst was when he abruptly jumped up and started strangling me. We’ve broken up several times before but I think this is finally it. I have been having anxiety and depression because I let it get to this point and realizing that the relationship is over. It’s no accident that I attracted this person and am trying to learn from it, but somewhere in me I hope that we will get back together. Why do I want to be with this person who is no good for me and dangerous?

16 Replies
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I know how you feel. Sadly enough I also want to my ex to come rescue me bc he’s the only one who actually paid me enough attention to not feel alone. They’re not the best people but it’s bc they’re the only ones who don’t make us feel alone. I really hope you don’t get hurt in any way. I wish I can hug you so we can both not feel alone. I’ll be here and I pray you’re safe !

blueskyfree
blueskyfree in reply to YznRz

Thanks, I sometimes think it’s almost better to be in an abusive relationship than being alone.

YznRz
YznRz in reply to blueskyfree

Sadly I agree...

we deserve the best

But being alone is too much

I pray that I find my soulmate instantly to love me like I’ll love them but it’s a long wait and being alone .... I don’t want to be alone either.... how are you feeling ? You okay ?

blueskyfree
blueskyfree in reply to YznRz

I’m better now than a couple days ago. But I know I will have my ups and downs. How long has it been since you broke up? I am trying to be open to the idea of being single and it being ok too. I don’t want to settle and rush in even though sometimes I feel like I don’t have a lot of time since I’m older

YznRz
YznRz in reply to blueskyfree

Been single about 11 days .. really ? Me too ... I’m basically 27 now... it’s good to see you’re doing better. I still cry at nights when I. alone. Wow, I think you’re strong! You know, even with this feeling you don’t want to rush. That’s actually a big step!

blueskyfree
blueskyfree in reply to YznRz

Well I don’t want to set myself up for failure again. I’m not in the best state of mind. We just have to keep reminding ourselves to take care of ourselves and do what’s good for us first.

It’s never better! In order to get control of negative spinning crap u need to feel good not the fake well this is all I deserve crap! Better to have an ass then be alone? Not true! Better to love yourself and be alone by choice then be dragged back to negative land by an abusive partner!! 😊 it’s hard yes but isn’t everything (yourself included) worth it? 🌷☀️🤗

Yes, my rational mind agrees with you that this relationship has too many issues to overlook and has not been healthy. However when you have been with someone for years all of this becomes your new normal and there is still a grieving period. I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that I attracted this person and allowed him to come into my life for a reason. there is something within me that accepted his atrocious behavior because deep down I didnt feel I deserved better, so I’m becoming aware of this and working on my self- esteem. It’s difficult to know what is better or be comfortable experiencing a healthy relationship when I’m only familiar with and been exposed to dysfunctional relationships(primarily my parents relationship which was extremely physically and mentally abusive). But what I do know is that I can’t be in a relationship where I don’t trust the other person and where there is a lack of respect or common decency.

I understand “new normal” and you feel like you attracted this type... have you ever heard of the cycle of abuse? Being exposed to dysfunctional parental relationship likely distorted your view of what “normal” is eh? Could it be that low esteem might factor in from not getting reassurance from parents who were busy arguing etc? Could it be that the abusive ex picked you for reasons like u needing reassurance, loyal, private person, low esteem, wanting to please people, try to see best in people?

Unhealthy may be comfortable but healthy can be phenomenal. So you tell me which is better? Stay beaten down in one and rise up to limitless potential by choosing to be alone for a while.... 🤔

Do you think any promises they make or changes they vow to make mean anything? Have they ever keep their word for long? Do you not think that you are worth it to have someone keep their word to? Do you keep your promises made?

Why not promise yourself a chance of a better life? Take time to work on yourself, release yourself from guilt you have, repressed feelings you may have, forgive yourself and those who may have harmed you. Find out what really moves you, decide what you want and most important what u will not accept in a relationship.... knowing yourself breeds confidence. you are worth this much....

I’ve been where you are... break the pattern, circle and find out how strong you really are!

😊🌷☀️🤗 I’m here!

Been there. Get out immediately. Nothing good can come of this relationship.

If you can, have somewhere to go, get out and stay out. My 40th wedding anniversary in a couple of weeks and it's a hell. I want to call time on it, it's making me very ill. So difficult after such a long time. But you will never be happy with him, I pray I will have some time alone I would love it.

Hidden
Hidden

Get rid of them, either get restraining order, or move. People think that way because we as humans think we will not find anyone else, but that is so wrong. You deserve better, and he is dangerous, get out of there quick. A big world out there of so many wonderful men you deserve . Just be careful who you pick next time! Much❤️

I do have an order of protection in place. I also had one in the past and during that last one we got back together. Why is it so hard to leave? I feel like I’m addicted to him. Every time I try to move on once and for all I get drawn back in.

Hi, sad to say my daughter is going through the same issues you are. After, her boyfriend broke up with her 2 years ago when her grandmother had just pasted away two days before her birthday. He was mean to her and very verbally abusive to her. She hurt and was befriend by another young man and her life was a little better. Her ex found out and contacted her with the "I'm sorry, should have never done that to you" "I love you and we need to be together for the rest of our lives". Well, she took him back and he did the same thing last year before her birthday.

Now, she has anxiety, depression and depersonalization. I know she expects him to come back with his "am sorries". I pray he doesn't but I see how much she suffers. I know God has done this for a reason and he has a hand over her. She gets angry at me because I can't find her the right therapist to help her. I can't afford a good therapist but I'm trying my best.

So you are not alone, these men have so much control over you young ladies that you don't see they are not right for you. I always think... she could have ended up with him and God only know if I would still be able to have my daughter alive. He has so much anger in him....

I will keep you in my prayers!!

blueskyfree
blueskyfree in reply to EMB1225

I’m sorry your daughter has been having a difficult time. I’m learning that we cannot depend on others for approval or love. It really does have to come from within. I think these type of men are heartless who can spot our vulnerabilities and will take advantage of someone because it makes them feel powerful and in control. It is a wake up call to us that we need to take better care of and work on our emotional well being before entering into a relationship. We cannot change other people and their behavior, but we can control whether we choose to stay in a situation that is not good for us.

EMB1225
EMB1225 in reply to blueskyfree

Exactly only we have control of our future and we must see the person from within and get to know them. You said it right "we cannot change other people but we can control our situation for we are in".

Thank you and lots of Blessings...

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