"I have always known that I am not alone in this treatment, but therapy has helped me accept that I am not the problem."

[silentdreamer20]

For years my name has been drug through the mud, and for years I obsessed over how to clear it. How to "set the record straight"- I thought I was losing my mind because I could not figure out why. I could not understand what I did. At one point, I convinced myself this was my karma, that maybe I deserved all of this and more. So I stopped defending myself, and I let the rumors soar- despite how it was tearing me apart piece by piece inside. Each piece of gossip that got back to me tore me down a little more. Occasionally, I had a slip of the tongue and lost my temper when my family was involved (I am only human). The thing about this is that people who truly know me started to pick up on the lies about me. People were told things about me and realized, ** would never do that, say that, or behave that way. That gave me a glimpse of hope.

Eventually, I started therapy to help me gain my confidence back, hoping to find my self-worth again. I hoped I would learn ways to handle the anxiety I experienced every time I had to be around certain people. Since I did not want medicine to "cover my feelings," my doctor and insurance company explained that a particular therapy program would help me learn coping skills for situations like this. That was the first program I did because of this situation. A few years later, I had an evaluation done and was diagnosed with CPTSD, a condition I was unaware even existed but one that I have because of prolonged abuse from past and present. After many months of therapy and EMDR therapy, I started to make some progress. During sessions, I learned a lot about narcissists and gaslighting. I learned that the best way to deal with this behavior is to disengage entirely; otherwise, the behavior will continue. While my case is a bit more complicated because I cannot remove myself in the same way, there is room for me to retreat to how I was before I started to "work on things" again. But, having doctors, who were supposed to help me with past abuse, tell me that I have continued into a psychological form, was not promising for me. It made me feel weak and blind. Like I should have seen this from a mile away, seeing as I escaped a similar hell only to reenter to be portrayed as a lying, crazy, abusive person. I am made to feel crazy. Rumors about my daughter and my parenting start to get out of hand when I do something that goes against what is "suggested" to me. I felt foolish. I have always known that I am not alone in this treatment, but therapy has helped me accept that I am not the problem. After recent outbursts, it is time to completely disengage.

[Hidden]

Great writing. People gossiping about you lol. Cut ties with people that are not of your well-being our higher being.

I would have anxiety too with these people talking about me. This is toxic behavior. I’m sorry you are experiencing this.

I do what is best for me. So I say to you do what is best for you. What makes you feel sane. We are all different.

[silentdreamer20 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. It's hard when it is family, but I am to the point where I cannot put my mental health last anymore. If I don't do what I am told, I am punished by silent treatment... but then I get calls being told that I am abusing my child because I took her out of school to pursue virtual school. My child made that decision because she is ill and until her treatment with a specialist is successful, schooling at a brick & mortar school isn't an option. But these people are also telling people that she is not actually sick. It is a lot to take in. They twist everything that happens and make me look crazy. I learned not to engage when they pick fights, but that only makes things worse. I stood there once and let this person scream in my face and I calmly repeated, "no, my child will not be doing that," and I was almost hit because I said no. But my husband and I agree on these things. It isn't just me. Quite frankly, he says no to things that I am not even aware of. He tells me that he handles things and I don't need to know because he doesn't want me involved to cause anything to come back on me. Yet, when stories get around it is always that they spoke to me when I don't even know about it. They make me question myself constantly. Over the years it's gotten worse, but they treat my SIL the same way. We are baby makers and I think if we weren't in the picture they would be happier with that.

[Hidden in reply to silentdreamer20]

you have alot on your plate. If i'm understanding correctly, you are being gaslighted and your boundaries are being broke. I am sorry to read about your story. You are doing what is right for yourself and your child.

[Roxylox]

Oh, how l can Sympathise! Beginning last year with a workplace l left because of vicious rumours about me, and name calling l overheard.

Some from that workplace then spread untrue stuff about me, which l think contributed to me being badly mistreated by local shop owners.

Your story could be mine. Judgment by people who really dont know me. Very little support from family, with the very important exception of my wonderful husband.

Worst thing is, these rumours often cast doubt on my loyalty to him too.

People on this site helped me a lot. I then joined a local Mental Health Engage Peer group meeting on Zoom for now. Its more about hobbies than shared confidences though.

I , like you have begun to come to terms with my situation. I always knew l was not the problem, and I used to get very angry, l now realise my anger will do no good. I think from reading quotes about forgiveness and leaving the past behind you, l am gaining strength.

Some of my husband's cousins gave me some subtle support on Social Media alright for that I am grateful.

I also have found journalling to be a help. I find the idea of disengaging interesting.

[silentdreamer20 in reply to Roxylox]

I am glad you have come so far. I am sorry you went through that *hugs*. My husband and I have come really far in this situation, considering his parents are the ones torturing me- they do it to my SIL as well. I think if my SIL weren't in the picture they would be happy because they would help raise our children. They take the "monster-in-law" term to a new level. If we are not submissive, we are punished. People think we are awful people. My daughter is old enough now that she sees what's happening and she hears what they say about us and to us, she's been making her own decisions when it comes to them and it's sad. But you cannot treat people like dirt and not expect people to react to it. I have tried to not have reactions when my MIL gets in my face when she's told no. She cannot stand being told no... I can calmly tell her no to something, even me being as nice as possible. She will flip out like a 3-year-old and get in my face and yell at me, the more I don't react, the worst she gets. She's come really close to hitting me because of it. Luckily, my husband and FIL walked in right as she was about to and put a stop to her behavior. It's mostly when I don't do what I'm told then I get punished by silent treatment and then I get calls from family friends and other family telling me that I'm an awful mother for abusing my child and my child and husband deserve better than me. Or the people that know she's full of crap will just tell me what she's spreading about me so I am aware. Because I am not a bad mother or wife. My daughter is not well and in treatment but my inlaws don't believe it. Just like they flip out that my daughter and nephew are in therapy because they don't want the kids to tell a therapist what happens and we have them in therapy because they need an outlet for all of this crap. We talk to our kids and explain that this behavior is not normal, it isn't okay to throw tantrums when you are told no or treat people like this. Right and wrong, good and bad. My daughter says she doesn't understand why a grownup acts this way because grownups aren't supposed to be that way. So we are bad parents for having our kids in therapy, and stuff like that. Things that normal good parents do. But people don't get the whole story because that sets her in a bad light. I used to obsess about clearing my name but I can't obsess over it anymore. I'm so tired. I can't remember who I was before having them in my life. I used to be so full of life... Social butterfly. Now, I have no self-confidence at all. I doubt everything I do and say. They get in your head in a way my sociopathic ex-husband didn't even do, and he was diagnosed a sociopath.

[Roxylox in reply to silentdreamer20]

I'm sorry you have to put up with that. One consolation is that your daughter doesn't side with them. People should maybe realise they are very wrong when your sister-in-law is treated the same way. In laws can often be tough. A woman l know refers to hers as the Outlaws. I hope things improve for you.