Depression isn’t something I have to hide

I have struggled with depression since I was a young child but I didn’t understand it then. I learned to be perfect to hide anything negative about me so people would like me. I learned to hide in plain sight and suffer isolation alone. I actually was a therapist and successful behavior coach which allowed me to ignore my own mental health issues. I no longer want live in secrecy hiding my depression. I’m hoping to meet people who can understand how depression and anxiety feel.

[kenster1]

hi and welcome to you sorry that you had a bad experience in marriage hopefully you are over the worst of that experience and hopefully the forum supports you well.

[Hidden in reply to kenster1]

Thank you kenster1. After reading your reply I decided to edit my post a bit and add to it. No more hiding

[kenster1 in reply to Hidden]

great the more we talk the less we feel alone or ashamed of illness sharing is a part of the healing process.

[LilyAnnepuppy]

Welcome to the community. This is a great place to be. You certainly are in the right place to meet people who know how depression and anxiety feel. There are so, so many wonderful, caring people here who have a wealth of knowledge, experience, strength and hope to share with you.

I was diagnosed with a Major Depression and Anxiety Disorder and PTSD. Had a breakdown which lasted a year and a half (been coming out of black hole since July). So I'm familiar with symptoms and treatment (therapist and psychiatrist).

Keep posting and let us know how you're doing.

[Hidden in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

I appreciate your reply so much. It helps to know I’m not alone.

[Hidden]

Hi there and welcome to the site! I'm saddened to hear you were in an emotionally abusive relationship yet the positive is you got out...

I sure can relate to depression....31 years ago I went through my first PPD..then another one 2 years later...I'm much better with it now...the anxiety really likes me...so I feed as much positive into my mind, it helps me....remember anxiety won't take you out....you're still here...slow breathing is very helpful....counting to 5 in through your nose, then count 5 out through your mouth....

Find things that you can do that make you smile....I like to do jigsaw puzzles because it clears my mind...can't focus on anything but that...and of course for me music, music, music..it's good for the spirit!

I'm here for you, cheering you on...you can do this...just believe...fight the good fight for you and keep pushing forward....

Sparkles & dump trucks of groovy love, peace, light, joy & hugs nc007!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I am really trying to focus on being active and finding those activities that bring me joy. Leaving the house is so important for me but sometimes I fall into old patterns and isolate. I always found it easier to hide.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I understand what you're saying.that's when we have to dig our feet in deep and push forward... Wishing you all the best..

Sparkles & dump trucks of groovy love, peace, light, joy & hugs nc007!

[courageovercomfort in reply to Hidden]

I’m the same. Would much rather curl up into a ball and sleep than go outside. No matter how nice the weather is.

[courageovercomfort]

I understand depression & anxiety well. And I’m used to hiding it. So I’m encouraged that you’re being so brave and walking out into the wilderness. It helps me do the same. I hope to use this place as well to help me get through. I’m currently experiencing some intense depression.

[Hidden in reply to courageovercomfort]

I’m really struggling at the moment too. I used to have so many distractions which I think just masked all my symptoms. Now I am not using old coping that kept me stuck. I know this is how real change will happen but it doesn’t make it any less hard.

[courageovercomfort in reply to Hidden]

Oh yes. I know what you mean. I’ve started binge eating sugar again, and it is making it worse. My motto lately has been to simply “don’t make it any worse”. Although I wish things would turn around immediately. It’s comforting to know others are also struggling.

[Hidden in reply to courageovercomfort]

I struggle with food stuff too. I find I crave junky food more when I’m feeling lonely or emptiness. That was yesterday. How long have you struggled with sugar?

[Hidden]

Hi Nc, thank you for sharing your story. I have a long history with depression (since childhood as well) and have periodically dropped into this forum for support.

I think reading and responding to the posts here has helped me get the wheels turning on finding better ways of dealing with my own depression.

It is a daily practice I think. Even on sympton-free days I think it's important to practice good mental health supporting behaviors : moving my body, some form of human interaction, catch ruminating thoughts...

I feel like I should start spending 30 min. In every "great" day and evaluate why was it so good? What did I do?

I tend to wait til crisis errupts and then deal with the mess--maybe its better to look at it from the other end, how to replicate a good day?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

The good days are there. I find it easier when I’m with people or I feel like I have something meaningful to do. It’s a lazy Sunday and I know just staying in will make it worse. Pushing myself to get up and get moving

[courageovercomfort]

Me too. Eating right is real tough for me when I’m struggling mentally. I’ve struggled with binge eating (mostly sugar) for about 7 years. I have found a 12 step program to help w my eating disorder and have found some relief. But since August, when my depression began getting worse, it’s reared it’s ugly head again. I think I’ve been so low, that the sugar helps give me a lift. Albeit and unhealthy one that often makes my depression worse. Sorry for long answer 🙃

[Hidden in reply to courageovercomfort]

Had some weird ice cream eating binge these past couple days. I know why it was triggered but I’m gonna get back on track tomorrow. How are you doing?

[MidnightBriarRose]

I understand exactly how you feel, as I have always had a big problem with perfectionism....ie either feeling like I have to do things perfectly and or feeling like I have to be perfect. And you are absolutely right! It is a defense mechanism. For me, some of it is because of my OCD, but it is also because of a lot of the things I have been through in my life. I was bullied growing up and have also been through a lot of emotional abuse, in my past.

I’m so glad you have joined the Forum, as I know you can bring a wealth of knowledge and advice from your experience being a Therapist and Life Coach. Welcome to the Forum! 👍🌷😀

[Hidden in reply to MidnightBriarRose]

Thanks MidnightBriarRose. On here, I’m just a person trying to figure things out and share. This place has been the best discovery for support! Hugely helpful in such a short time 😊

[MidnightBriarRose]

You are very welcome! And yes, this Forum is wonderful! I’m glad it is helping you! 🙂