I am new here and not sure how this works but I need some help.

[Stats3]

I am a 24 year old man and I've been suffering from depression since my early teens however its not something men can really speak about in my community. I've joined this group because my depression seems to have gotten worse. I've locked myself away from most people as any intimate, friendly interactions seems to make things evens worse which is why I have never gotten into a relationship. My depression seems to deepen when I am around people too long. In the last few months it seems to have been getting worse as I've never experience this degree of pain and despair before. I am a rational individual however my every waking moment is spent trying to fight off suicidal thoughts. My family and friends have now come to see me as heartless because they think I am incapable of loving anyone which of course isn't the case its just that the more intimate I am with people the more pain I experience. Its difficult just to walk into a meeting with my co-workers. I now spend most of my evenings chain smoking trying to keep my sanity in tact. What steps can I take toward fixing this that doesn't involve therapy?

[Stilltrying_]

I really feel for you and it was a "brave" thing for you as a man to post. I do get the feeling most posters are female and we find it easier to share problems so well done for "coming out of the closet" so to speak with your feelings.

I wonder why you are not up for therapy; is it a money thing or a community thing or have you had a bad experience in the past? Have you been to the doctor at all as anti-depressants may help.

It is horrible for you that you are having these desperate thoughts ( I get them myself) It isn't always easy to find out the reason but it does sound like there is something holding you back in some way. Maybe did you have a difficult childhood which would explain these things?

I hope more people are able to answer you. I just wanted you to know you are not alone and I think it's great when men post and we all support each other. It may be worth just looking at previous posts on the site to give you some tips and ideas over what to do. There are some "alternative" medicines like St John's wort for depression if you don't want to go down the medical route, but I think if you can manage to branch out it would help you to speak to a trusted person in confidence about all of these issues which are troubling you.

Gemma x

[Agora1 in reply to Stilltrying_]

Great advice Gemma xx

[Stats3 in reply to Stilltrying_]

Thank you for your reply. I don't want to seek therapy because I am not sure how my family and friends will react to my suicidal thoughts. I am known for been strong and if that illusion is shattered I might lose what little I have to wake up for in the morning. Ive had depression most of my life but never to the point where death looked like a welcome release.

[Stilltrying_ in reply to Stats3]

You don't have to tell your friends and family that you are having suicidal thoughts if you don't want to (and it isn't always a good idea to tell them in my experience) It will be confidential with the therapist but I do understand your reticence.

I understand your feelings about being "the strong one" . There is a lot of pressure on men to take this role and not to have any vulnerability so this is partly a societal pressure you are under. There is no shame in your feelings though. No-one can just keep holding the ship afloat all the time if they are suffering from depression or in need themselves.

Please write as much as you want. You are not alone on here. I have had these feelings myself and many others on here will have done. You do need to start thinking about keeping yourself safe and releasing some of the tension that has built up inside you to the point that you feel like you do.

If it is possible do consider phoning the helplines (if you are ever alone and able to do this).

Death can feel like a welcome release but I think you sound like a mature person and you know that your suicide would ruin your entire family and it is not the way to consider getting out of your pain. There is a better way which involves you living and feeling better and your family as a unit together with no despair on your part.

It is up to you who you feel comfortable sharing with but I would be cautious over telling everyone. A professional is used to hearing these things and it is completely confidential. They would not disclose to others what you were going about. You could say it was about something else, for example you could say you are getting help in giving up smoking. That may be safer for you rather than blurting out everything all at once to your family.

I'm sure you are a sensible person and you will seek advice as you have on here and decide on the best course of action.

I truly believe that you can get better and feel happy and well in the future with the right help.

Gemma x

[Stats3 in reply to Stilltrying_]

Thank you. Its nice to see some kindness in the world.

I will do as much research as I can and take it from there. Thank you for your time and advise its deeply appreciated.

[Agora1]

Hi Stats3, I agree with "Stilltrying" in that therapy is often called for as well as short term medication to help you get past being stuck and start moving forward. Unfortunately, there is no magic pill or anything we can say that may change your way of thinking. When every waking moment is spent fighting the "S" word, it's time to reach out to a professional who will help you through this and keep you safe.

I am glad that you found this support site. We may not be doctors or therapists but we are human just like you going through the pain and struggle of mental illness. Sharing our stories and our journey with depression and anxiety can help you not feel so alone but in the long run Stats, our goal is to keep you safe from harm as well as helping you go forward. We're here for each other, you are never alone my friend. x

[Stats3 in reply to Agora1]

Thank you. I will try to find ways of perhaps getting therapy without anyone knowing of it. Your advise is most appreciated.

[b1b1b1 in reply to Stats3]

It is not difficult to have therapy without anyone knowing. Perhaps you can do it at lunch time during the week. Also, keep in mind that you do not have to account to other people for all of your time. xx