Beginning of the End of the Beginning

[Dragon3695]

Most people that have read anything I have posted know about my situation and my struggle with my emotions and my strong feelings for my roommate. Sometime last month during one of the talks that usually end up in fighting she opened up and gave me a date to be moved out by because she needs her space and I need to live by myself for awhile. I have until October 1 to find a place of my own or be on the waiting list at the apartment complex we live in. I don't think her giving me a date is a bad thing at all. I am just worried about a lot of things like falling back into comfortable old habits or just totally falling flat and failing. My biggest worry is seeing her physically with another guy even though I have no control or say over it. I am super scared that what positive self image I have managed to build up since getting here will be totally destroyed. My friend tells me that my roommate has too much control over me even though she isn't trying to and I hate admitting it but I agree. I am so stupidly blindly in love with her that I would do anything what so ever for her. Hell to prove how utterly stupid I can be when it comes to her I gave her my entire check for June to pay for mistakes she made with our rent and her car insurance as well as this months rent. I only get 794 a month so it was easy to go through but still. I have no money to do anything for me this month. I really need to learn to put me first. Any way I just needed to vent some because I am dealing with so much right now on top of my need for intimate companionship popping back up to the surface. Hopefully the new technique my therapist is introducing me to will help.

[Midori]

Sounds as if she might be a bit of a gaslighter. You need to re find You, as you appear to have lost your own identity.

It will be difficult while you can still see her around. Try to find a different Apartment complex, if you possibly can.

[Gentlespirit]

Think a little before you say or act.