And it already begins.

[Lostandbroken]

He kept me up all night knowing that I have to be up early and then calls me yelling at me for being asleep.. God help me.

[hypercat54]

We have all given you good advice love but not being nasty if you choose to stay with this man then you had better get used to it as it won't get any better. Ask yourself why you love him? Do you think he loves you? Do you think he cares about you? He just seems to fulfil some warped need in yourself to be criticised and slagged off. If you can work on this then maybe you will see a better life for yourself than be the butt of this abusive mans behaviour.

Good luck. x

[Lostandbroken in reply to hypercat54]

I feel like he still has some love for me but not real love for me.

[Hidden]

I finally got out of a situation where I thought a guy loved me

But he was just a narcissist and emotionally abusive

Do I miss him? Yes every single day! I feel like it’s me and that I wasn’t good enough

But the pain will get better

I made myself rely on this man for my own happiness and I realize I have to be happy first

I’m lonely and heartbroken but I do believe time will heal us all

Good luck to you

[jesca18 in reply to Hidden]

It’s as if I wrote this myself! Everything you said is what im going through.

Narcissists must be able to identify who to target. I was already not in a great mental state when he came along and then he completely destroyed me. He had left me worse off than before him. I am choosing to see this for what it really is; a blessing in disguise. Unfortunately some of the most important things we learn are through experiencing pain.

After our break up I have been on a self-love journey bc as you said you need to be responsible for your own happiness as opposed to looking to a man for it. During this time of soul searching, inner reflection, self discovery.. I have learned so much about myself and have been kinder to myself. Taking time to take care of yourself is not selfish, it is necessary. If you put others needs before your own.. you won’t be able to offer your best self to others.

[Angelfox2002]

I’ve escaped two of these relationships (one physically abusive and one mental, emotional, financial- everything but physical) I know the liberating feeling of freedom and self worth you get from breaking free from it... but I also know how easy it is to fall back in over and over again. I feel like I must carry these wounds around unknowingly and attract men who prey upon my disguise; hiding their narcissistic ways anticipating the moment they can show their a$$ and get away with it! These monsters know that once they gain your trust and loyalty you’ll expose yourself and your wounds; which he will then extort and expound upon to guilt you into forgiveness when you’re finally fed up with his bull$hit... Consumed by confusion and self doubt, how did I miss the red flags, all the warnings were there? Love IS BLIND!!!! I was done with this years ago and I’m with a new “man” whom I don’t have children with and I feel just as bad leaving him, I pray that it isn’t a cycle I will continue to repeat or at this time, settle for. I’ve left him a few times (we’ve only dated for a little over a year now)! Last time I tried to leave, he followed me in the middle of the night from a friend’s house with my kids in the car, it was terrifying and I found myself driving like a maniac to lose him somehow, just to meet someone to take my kids so I could end the “high speed chase” and bring him to his senses. Luckily it worked out safely and I was swift enough to drop my kids off at their dads house and of course upon leaving, drove past him again! I couldn’t believe it, he didn’t have a GPS locator on my car, he is a highly intelligent, experienced locksmith who focused on repossessions for the first few years of being an auto locksmith so knowing his skip tracking abilities made it the extremely helpless type of scary! Hearing his desperate pleadings on the other end of the phone begging me to just stop and talk to him broke my head and I knew I would have to stop no matter how I felt because he would never stop unless police were involved and nobody wants to bring cops into their relationship! Some men are capable of almost anything, hindsight is 20/20 and I should’ve pulled into a police station. I chose the path of least resistance because I’m convinced that at my age, this stuff was meant for a reason. I think my value in this world is showing people the light and I guess being tormented in the meantime. I maintain a positive outlook and never give up hope! I tolerate too much in a relationship before saying enough is enough. My kids are old enough now to know what’s happening and it’s very upsetting but they’re teens, both boys and I was able to raise them in a healthy home up to this point... I am also very lucky that I escaped crazy with their dad for long enough that I’m now able to hide his “crazy” from them because he’s nobody to them. If you can please take my life as some form of a lesson to love yourself above all, don’t feel sorry for him, he’s a big boy and can handle himself, it would help make it all make sense! He’s trying to make you feel bad because he knows what worked in the past, trust me in that one - and depersonalization! I once had the nerve to stand up for myself, I think it had a lot to do with youth. I’m not worried about being too old to start over or to be desired by another man if we break up and I’m certainly not blinded by love. I know what I’m dealing with and I’ve accepted my position in life as the narcissist’s spiritual guide lol! I don’t recommend it for you though! You have the world in your hands right now, if possible stay with your mom and raise your child with 2 strong women, that was never an option for me. Again, luckily I am successful in my career so I manage to move along on my own at my own pace, and financial ability so NEVER GIVE UP ON YOUR DREAM TO BE A DOCTOR! Your mom didn’t raise a fool! 💞

[Lostandbroken in reply to Angelfox2002]

You are an angel.

[Angelfox2002]

Can I ask you how he kept you up all night? I ask because I have some coping mechanisms for these moments. I’ve also learned how to let them yell at me for whatever nonsense they feel the need to get off their chest, not around my kids, and blow it off pretending that it doesn’t affect me. This may not always be the best way to handle it because it might cause things to escalate... I’m not sure but in my experience “not reacting” diffuses them. I really want to help you for some reason?? I hope I’m not irritating you with my long stories. I hope I’m not the “It could be worse” example!!!

[hypercat54 in reply to Angelfox2002]

It sounds like you have settled for second best? You deserve better than that. It sounds like your current bf is another abusive and controlling man. Your job is not to bring people into the light but to live your life in a way which brings you as much happiness and joy as possible. Don't sacrifice yourself on some mythological altar!

You have given some great advice to Landb so follow it for yourself. x

[Angelfox2002 in reply to hypercat54]

I try, that’s why I ended that little part in lol. I talk about it when I can because it really does help and I know for me it’s easier to give the advice I once followed and benefited from but lately I’m just trying to figure myself out I suppose?

[hypercat54 in reply to Angelfox2002]

I understand that. Would it help you to put up more posts? We might be able to give you other angles on it? It's often easier when you are outside of a situation to see it more clearly. I really do hope you don't settle for second best. x

[Angelfox2002 in reply to hypercat54]

I come here to do that but end up reading others that I can relate to so well. I need to add my own posts I’m sorry.

[hypercat54 in reply to Angelfox2002]

Angelfox please never apologise for that. It may not be the right time for you to share your story more with us. Wait until you feel more comfortable with us and feel safe enough to tell us more about you.

If reading and responding to others feels better for you at the moment then that's fine. Just know that you can talk to us about anything and no one here will ever judge you. We are her to listen and help and support as much as we can so use the site for whatever helps you.

I have been on this site for quite a long time and I have rarely known so many lovely people on here who truly care ad want to share and help. x

[Angelfox2002 in reply to hypercat54]

Believe me I know he’s bad and if I can help anyone with his example I want to but I was definitely joking about being here to show people the light lol

[hypercat54 in reply to Angelfox2002]

Ok no worries. x

[Lostandbroken in reply to Angelfox2002]

You aren't, and everything you have said has helped... I am good at giving the advice not taking it but he has my number And mom's so he just keeps messaging and calling and saying the things he does to get me to call back and hate myself til it's only about him again..

[Angelfox2002 in reply to Lostandbroken]

Block him! It will drive him nuts. Text him a number from google for a local anger management psychiatrist and say “I’m doing ME!” You can do it believe me you can, my ex husband would call me crying his eyes out (before caller ID lol) so I had to ignore everyone sometimes!!! Just turned off my ringer. Set his ringtone to silent at the least???

[jesca18]

To add to my post above^^

AND when you become your best self you attract better quality men / people into your life! If you don’t think you deserve to take the time to love yourself then you will attract those who will treat you poorly; you are doing yourself a disservice and it’s something you have to live with. So why would you do that to yourself? You deserve better we all do!

He doesn’t love you or else he wouldn’t treat you this way. What you allow will continue. Break free from this relationship; you will thank yourself someday.

[Angelfox2002]

I just read this article and it explains our boyfriend’s as “sociopaths”.... here is an excerpt I will post the link if you can relate to any of this...

Many sociopaths live their lives relatively undetected – except, perhaps, by those closest to them… and only then, sometimes, to those who have learned to identify a sociopath.

Sociopaths use many tools. They are described as charming, with an almost animal-like charisma. They have magnetism, an affinity for danger, spontaneity. They inspire a feeling of familiarity: “I just felt like I’d known her forever!” They establish intimacy quickly. They use “we” statements. They use seduction. They create distractions with social/professional roles: animal lover, humanitarian, benefactor. They engage in gaslighting – making you doubt your perceptions of reality.

Sociopaths are expert in identifying an easy mark – they can pick out the most trusting, decent person in the room. They use their victim’s goodness and capacity to trust against them. Crocodile tears are a favorite method. They are masterful at evoking pity and have incredible acting skills. In fact, sociopaths have an especially strong fondness for evoking pity.

Pity is carte blanche. Good people will let pathetic individuals get away with, sometimes literally, murder.

And when we pity, we are emotionally defenseless, emotionally vulnerable.

All sociopaths are violent – some emotionally, and some physically as well.

[hypercat54 in reply to Angelfox2002]

That sounds about right too! x

[Angelfox2002 in reply to hypercat54]

It’s a sad truth just like admittedly knowing I’m in this mess and having no fight left in me (at the moment) to leave... It just makes me want to help anyone I can with my lifetime of advice because it’s worked for me personally in the past and the relief and inspiration i felt is unexplainable, it’s motivating to know I’ll have it back again but I want nothing but peace in her future with no back stepping like me! I learned the hard way and need to thoroughly vet men much better than most! I’m becoming a pro - a few decades too late💪🏼

[Lostandbroken in reply to Angelfox2002]

That's. Seems right...

[Imakook]

So Lostandbroken,

I don't see responses from you. Let me just say that what everyone else says has been super inciteful & spot on!

It doesn't help, I know, on the days you are having an identity crisis. But PLEASE, Sweetie!!! Take his behavior SERIOUSLY!!! You call yourself "Lost & Broken", but he fits that category, which is dangerous for a guy . I'm sure he's capable of sick & violent behavior.

You should be commended for reaching out, and I would want to stay as far from him as possible.

So if we view this hypothetically, I'll call some guy "Man o' War" who grew up in the U.S. in an ethnic community. He grew up where mom did what dad said or she might get a pop in the kisser. So, to say the least, women weren't always treated as equals and were "less than". Man o' was taught that a boy needed to be a MAN!! No cryin', whinin' and you'd betyer "toughen up". His dad might have "lit him up " now & then just to keep him on his toes. And if Man o' came home crying cuz a bully knocked him down & blackened his eye, well...Pops felt it was his duty to kick his son's ass & send him out the door to face that bully again.

It may seem extrene, but I know lots of guys who grew up in hat culture. You aren't capable of fixing him. Only of enabling him.

Take care & bless you!