Daddy issues

[thezenvirgo]

My father is a proud US coastguard veteran. He has a 6 figure salary and loves to brag about how much he makes. My father has never really helped financially after my parents divorced. He is always unstable and in and out of jobs... constantly hitting rock bottom and asking me for money. I’m so tired of helping. He’s my dad but seeing him on drugs a few times broke me to another level. My mental health keeps worsening. Somehow I still feel so much pity and fall into his narcissistic traits. He refuses to medicate even after being hospitalized a few times. He doesn’t accept that he is bipolar. He called me a few times today and I only answered once. Only reason I didn’t answer his other calls was bc my cousin kept telling me not too. I want to help bc I’m such a caring and giving person but I need to remind myself this is my father. A grown ass man asking his 22yr old daughter for help when he can’t even help me when he’s making big money. I can’t stop thinking about what he needed today that I didn’t pick up. I don’t have the heart to cut him off completely. His whole family disowned him. He is not longer welcomed around his parents home. Sometimes I feel dumb for being gullible. Why is it that I have had to suffer this much. I am so broken

[Hidden]

I'm so sorry. I have some issues with my Dad too.

[Hidden]

Just because you say He has plenty of money does not mean His Life should be in order and has no problems. Asking you for money could be He feels no-one wants him and He is acting accordingly. If He is buying drugs, that may take a bite out of what He owns. Could it be He is not as wealthy as He infers a six figger sum does not mean you are wealthy, for example £_$: 1OO,000. to 999,000 a large/medium ammount. So do not consider he is wealth, if He takes in the valuation of His home that valuation could also make a large bite of the value of His estate.

I have had problems with my family and have walked away, you need to consider the reasons why he has fallen out with everyone. Your Cousin in many ways has no right to dictate of suggest not to talk to your Father.

However if you honestly feel the relationship is Toxic that is your rite to move on.

If drugs are His Problem He needs Help try and talk out His problems with him remeber not to borrow money you I feel does not have that six figure sum

BOB

[Oshgosh]

You need to consider your own needs and mental health.There must be issues if the whole family has disowned him.

We have similar issues with a family member.

We’ve walked away because,they constantly manipulate,try to borrow money,cause drama,tells untruths.its been difficult.give yourself a big hug.

[Hidden]

It must be frustrating for you. I had a brother who was an alcoholic, I offered him the number to AA meetings in his area but he didn’t wanted to go. I was so angry at him , he was mom’s favorite and yet was throwing his life away. It’s frustrating but sometimes it helps to ask ourselves what is the reason behind us being angry. There’s a difference between helping someone we love and enabling. AlAnon and codependents anonymous have support groups. I would go and listen people or share my story. they were a great help. Good luck.

[Midori]

Basically, when you give your father money, you are enabling him to carry on leeching off you, and making you feel worse too.

The kindest thing you can do is make him face his own demons by refusing to give him any more money

Sometimes, tough love is the only way forward, and he isn't thinking of your welfare.

Cheers, Midori

[charliegirl2016]

If he calls, you can hear him out and share lovingly that you love him, but are not able to help him in any other way than to love him and offer moral support. It's your choice how you're going to respond to him and just keep your focus on the now, and let the past stay in the past. God's grace and mercy are new every day, for everyone.