Suffering still with suicidal ideation

[Starrlight]

My psychiatrist last night said to increase topomax , a mood stabilizer, and I’ll talk to both him and my therapist tomorrow . I talked to my therapist briefly today and she said to relax but I didn’t really. Now I am and it’s making me feel so depressed. Or something is. I want to be positive but something is pulling me down. I was happy gardening and writing and spending time with my kids but now I will sleep so I can escape my feelings.

[goldieoldie]

Sorry to hear your struggling,as you say sleep is the best policy,thats where im going --try and hang on,take care.

[13ga]

hi starr...

i'm sorry to hear about what you're going thru.

i was intrigued to hear you're on topamax... i didn't know it was used in that application. i hope you find some relief from it.

i'm struggling myself of late. seems no matter how hard i try to stay positive; something pulls me back down. i'm tired of feeling down. my patience is short, and so is my anger.

i've been trying to get back into a good habit of meditation, and exercise. i know they will both help me... the meditation has been easier; i've been really struggling to get back into a good exercise routine.

.

what kind of self care are you practicing to combat your mood and ideations?

[Starrlight in reply to 13ga]

Yes meditation and exercise do work you are so right, I go out into nature, garden, exercise and write when I do yoga i meditate and pray then. I am busy cleaning and helping the kids a lot.

[13ga in reply to Starrlight]

i really love walking thru the forest preserve - you'd think i could push myself to do that more often - especially since i can walk to get their!!

yoga is wonderful - i did that long ago; but i really loved tai chi - and want very much to get back into doing that... have yet to make that happen...

i've been good about cleaning certain things - like when a cat throws up... but generally, overall house-cleaning isn't my strong suit... if you need to "busy yourself thru cleaning" - you have an open invitation to visit my house!! LOL

[Roxylox]

Hopefully the Topomax is a step in the right direction

[Starrlight in reply to Roxylox]

Thanks I hope so thanks

[Hidden]

I wish you a peaceful sleep, Starrlight. The morning can bring new hope, I wish this for you, also. 🌙

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Aww thanks snowdaze ✨

[Dolphin14]

Hoping you sleep well my friend

❤️🐬

[Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14]

Boy did I sleep! Went to sleep so early and did not wake up until my alarm got me up which is unusual. I must have needed it. Thanks beautiful ❤️ ⭐️

[xsor]

Hey lovely stay strong stay positive we will get through this if I had a magic wand my darling I would wave it in your direction sending u some hugs 🤗🤗🤗xxx

[Starrlight in reply to xsor]

Awwww haha thanks so much that made me smile

[xsor in reply to Starrlight]

Glad u had a good sleep hun xxx

[Hidden]

Starlight, you have to be open to the possibility that the never ending rabbit hole of medicine changes isn’t making it easier on you. It took me almost a year to drop cymbalta and that was my ONLY psych med I was on aside from weed.

Yet so many on here do multiple med switches per year...up and down round and round constantly seeking more pharmaceuticals....

People eating klonopin for cereal around here and wondering why they have a shitty day and no energy......ummmmm maybe it’s because you just ate tranquilizers with your morning coffee?!

I know you’re having a hard time friend I wish you strength for today and clarity.

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Pittiedad I know. It’s true. The med change is hard. I think if the doc asks if I want another added on I will decline. Too many changes. My brain doesn’t deserve this.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Understand I’m not preaching friend...but meds f@ck with me BIG time and make my energy super dangerous to myself up and down up and down and always wanting to end it...

Completely sober I’m usually up and skittish...

On meds I’m numb and wishing I had energy.

Right now I’m only on weed to bring down my racey energy that can get dangerous.

Since leaving meds I know that I’m super sensitive...can get to suicidal hours apart from smiling and being positive......

I only share words hoping you can relate to similar energies and volatility. Thank you for understanding 🙏

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

I get you. It’s good to hear a lot of peoples view. It makes it easier to figure everything out and just to share with one another, my friend.

[Hidden]

Awe sweet lady...I feel the same as you. Feel free to message me if you would like. I feel your pain.

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Thank you Keepontrying so sorry you are too suffering ok you can also message me any time.

[Roxylox]

At a glance this morning it looked like you had sent a post to me that you were feeling positive. I since changed my phone and seem to have lost that post.

[Starrlight in reply to Roxylox]

Hi! I AM feeling better today! ❤️

[Mamatired in reply to Starrlight]

Yay!!!

[madmanacrossthewater]

hi starrlight! im late to this conversation but see that morning has come and you seem better. remember this for future times of darkness. its cliche but morning does come. and remember, i can always be here too for you. i know i dont you but we are all worthy of being here. im so happy morning is treating you better. message me anytime.

[Starrlight in reply to madmanacrossthewater]

Thank you Madmanactissrhewater ..... I like your name

[Hidden]

Hi Starrlight, don't give in to those impulses!!! Just ride this wave until it subsides, believe that you're going to be okay!!!!!🙂

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

How are you?

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

I'm doing better. I've been taking a fairly new drug called Vraylar and it does help even though it has serious side effects . I can't move too fast in the morning or I could trip and fall. It does help my mood.

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Best to you I hope that works out!

[chaoticjoy3]

I am so sorry you are in this place. Have the days gotten any better? I hope you are able to find the peace you so desperately need.

[Starrlight in reply to chaoticjoy3]

Yes I have been doing better thank you! Bipolar is so weird. I mean I guess it’s the bipolar messing with me. Or the meds messing with me. I’m ok today. Thanks chaoticjoy3 How are you?