Suicidal ideation and drawing

[Starrlight]

I think drawing is the only thing that is helping some right now

What helps to distract from the negative voices in your head?

[Jeff1943]

How do the voices in your head present themselves? As audible words or as thoughts?

I believe anybody can hear words and sentences when very tired and emotionally exhausted. Sometimes the words are related to present worries and sometimes they are just random phrases from the past.

Maybe apparently insoluble problems have brought you to the verge of self harming. But please remember that high anxiety exaggerates the apparent size of problems. They may be easier to to solve than you think.

If you need advice on how to do that then you can ask people on this forum and many there are here who can answer you wisely. Remember, we are all anonymous here, our true identities never to be revealed, we will never meet.

Some distraction can bring welcome relief to distressed minds. But I suggest true mental calm can only come by engaging with problems and dealing with them.

If you ever feel you are going to seriously harm yourself go straight to your nearest hospital ER/A&E where you will receive the help you need.

[Starrlight in reply to Jeff1943]

Thank you Jeff. I really appreciate your reply. The voices and thoughts present themselves in various ways mostly not disturbing to me, but once in a while concerning and usually it doesn’t really make much sense but it’s in the way the voice seems not from me and is sometimes demanding sounding is what is unsettling. Right now I’m not having that. Right now I’m just really depressed but I did some more art and that settled me down a bit. I think I’m rapid cycling because I’m way happy and excited every morning and by 4 I’m deeply depressed. It’s been going on for a few weeks.

P.s. I feel like I’m scared to change my meds and I don’t trust crisis care or hospitals since my last visit. I don’t know maybe I’ll call my therapist.

[Agora1]

Dearest Starrlight, you certainly have an incredible way in drawing your utmost feelings.

That must be somewhat of a release for you Love Agora1 xx

[Starrlight in reply to Agora1]

Yes you are right my feelings come out in my art and I find peace sometimes during or after

[Agora1 in reply to Starrlight]

I'm glad you have your art. Something to reach for when in negative thought mode. xx

[Starrlight in reply to Agora1]

Yes ❤️ 💜 ♥️

[Hidden]

Music....music....music..😘

[metalminded in reply to Hidden]

Same here!!

[Iammesues]

Looking at this picture I think of a person taking their time to draw and blocking out the noise around them. Like there was chaos around that went unnoticed- which was the goal

[Starrlight in reply to Iammesues]

Thanks for your take on it! Yes chaos both in and out was conquered.

[Hidden]

When my thoughts overwhelm me I go to my yoga mat.

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Niiiice. I used to do yoga.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

May I ask what you use for your drawings, Starrlight, such as ink, paint, charcoal or pencil? Your talent for words and your talent for drawing are enviable.

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Aww Snowdaze sweet friend ... hug... I use ink paint especially acrylic paint, pastels, charcoal, plain ol pencil. On the ones there I just did were all micron ink pens. I wish I could do yoga like you... I go crazy in the pose just waiting for it to be over I just feel crazy. I know I need to look at it in a different way. So far I have not been able to.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Thanks for the reply, I assumed it was ink. Keep at it, distract and relax, as I like to say. Not that it always works, but we must keep on keeping on.

My yoga mat is like your written words. The longer the hold, the more relief. We are all unique and this is a good thing.

I am a lover of words, such as quotes and poems, although they do not come easy to me. I feel the thoughts, yet they don't flow from me easily, if that makes any sense. You would think that if you think them then why not just write them down? I am sure you understand, given your ability to do this.

[Nothing_but_books]

Oh how I wish I had a better answer to your question.

I bury myself in endless solitaire and marble games. Next level of stress, sedative drugs. Then alcohol, rarely, but once in a while.

I don’t trust crisis care or hospitals either. You place your bets and roll the dice. That's not how I would like it to work, but it's what I've lived. The state hospital is not in the business of healing so much as terrorizing and controlling. Why do aphorisms occur to me? If wishes were horses, beggars would ride.

It's wonderful that you are finding comfort in your drawings. PM me if I can do anything, or just to talk. I'm so sorry you're hurting.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

You’re beautiful ☺️

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

Good morning Starr,

Thank you! I need a new mirror I guess. I wish I could draw and find some peace as you do. I'm happy your drawing helps you.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

You have your things I have mine and we both manage. And you don’t need a new mirror. You’re beauty radiates from the inside out., see?

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

I'm sorry.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Why are you sorry?

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

I'm not managing for a while now. My emotions and physical problems have been overwhelming me. I don't see... and I'm sorry.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Oh I see. That’s okay beautiful I understand. I really do. For so long I did not manage at all. And I could not see a bit of beauty in myself. I’m so sorry you are so overwhelmed. After every difficulty comes ease and I know it feels like forever it really does but it will change. You will be okay. What’s going on with you today? I’m resting right now. I’m exhausted beyond exhausted and head hurts like it will explode.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

Oh! I'm sorry you're hurting. It's so good you can rest. Do you know why your head hurts? I hope you're getting better. You deserve so much good.

I want even a few moments of okay. I am living a bad life -- by choice, I guess, and I see no way out or around. I'm waking constantly at night for the last four days. I'm in pain all the time. I can't take care of myself and I need help so badly. I feel so humiliated for failing to make any life for myself beyond the nightmare I'm living.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

It’s not your fault! Your pain is not your fault. Your situation is not your fault. I’m so sorry my friend. I wish you good days to come. You deserve them and more. 🌺 💐 🌸

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

Sweet dear Starrlight, thank you for your beautiful flowers. I treasure each one of them. I am very moved by your kindness. I don't have my own words because I am very confused, but yours are so beautiful I want to echo them.

You deserve the good days (yes!) and oh so much more. It saddens my heart when you go from posting joy to negative feelings one more time. The cycles are very hard.

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Aww yes it’s a circle of emotion neverending it seems. But don’t worry about me. I’ve got this. I’m okay with it all. It just helps at times to express myself but I’ll always be okay. You deserve only good days. You deserve kindness offered to you each morning if I were visiting you I’d serve you a strawberry shortcake and what do you want to drink? We’d open all the windows and feel the breeze and let the birds songs in to listen to. We’d laugh. Laugh simply because we are so happy.

[Nothing_but_books in reply to Starrlight]

My dear, dear friend. You touch me so.

I will comfort myself remembering you will be okay.

I'll imagine ripe red strawberries, warm fresh biscuits, and a dollop of whipped cream.

I can hear the birds in my mind, the quarreling sparrows, the woodpecker's rat-tat-tat. And laughter. I found some to share with you:

reddit.com/r/BirdsBeingDick...

[13ga]

starrlight - that's beautiful!!!!

it looks like "zentangle" artform... i absolutely love it!! you're amazing!

[Starrlight in reply to 13ga]

Awww thank you 13!

[Hidden]

Hey, are you okay???

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

I’m okay fir now. The mornings are mania the nights are depression. I’m not sure what to do.

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

Well I'm no expert, but it might be you need some kind of medication change if you feel so off balance. I've been there, it's like rapid cycling or something. Is there anything going on that's triggering you? If so then try to avoid it or do something about it so maybe you're not quite so much in a reactive state. Protect your heart. Hope that helps.🙂

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

I understand too well, Starrlight. My heart breaks for you and anyone else who has this.

Mornings are the best for me. The closer to late afternoon and then ultimately, bedtime, are the absolute worse, depending on how severe my GAD is. The feelings of dread can crush me. Many nights I lay awake, waiting for the first sign of light.

Why is this? 😔

[Hidden]

Awesome work

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Lost, thank you so much!!!

[Kkimm]

Amazing drawing!!

[Starrlight in reply to Kkimm]

Kkimm thank you!!!! 😌

[Hidden]

I'm doing a crosstitch angel at the moment

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Awesome

[Pat9]

I can understand it helping you I am about to start doing diamond painting to try to help mine, looking forward to starting it xx

[Starrlight in reply to Pat9]

Ooooh so cool Have fun!

[Pat9 in reply to Starrlight]

I will let you know how I get on xx

[Starrlight in reply to Pat9]

Ok I’d love to see it!

[Pat9 in reply to Starrlight]

I will show my progress on here I am all set to go just waiting for a few labels for my beads and then I can star, first painting is one of London and Big Ben and buses reminds me of my birthplace and where I grew up xx

[river_of_hope]

It's music for me, on a personal player, I tend to know what will help most, be it something quite mellow or faster and heavier, can really get immersed and escape the negative inner dialogue that's often present.I'm sorry you're having a difficult spell, I hope the art and other things continue to help.

[Starrlight in reply to river_of_hope]

Good I’m so glad music helps you. I get that escape you talk about. It’s great. Keep escaping 😆

[c-mac]

I've had luck with the Waking Up app. I do it 10 minutes a day -- or try to. I think it could lead to permanently outgrowing them -- getting to the point where you can observe them happening without being enthralled by them, and then watching them dissolve. With practice.

It was actually a combination of therapy, journaling, and drawing that did it for me.

[c-mac]

And ... Love the picture!