Like I have to hide certain parts of myself from family and friends. Like if I spoke the truth people wouldn’t like me. I’ve been working with a therapist on this my need to please people even at the expense of me.
Do you ever feel that your a complete... - Anxiety and Depre...
Do you ever feel that your a completely different person to each individual person you know?
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Greengarden31
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Yes I do. I think I’m getting better at it. But the feeling is - I just want to get along. I want things to go well, to be accepted, so sometimes I zero in on what others want and act accordingly. It can be exhausting not being “me”. I had a therapist say once, “ it takes too much energy to do this and eventually you’ll just stop and be you because the true self wants what the true self wants and that’s the best place to be.” Whatever you might need to work on, do so, we all have things but try to embrace yourself at the same time. Give yourself grace!
Love this
pleasing yourself will benefit you more the rest will fall into place.
We all wear masks, and not just because of COVID. Pardon my poor attempt at humor. We all put on a different side of ourselves to fit into certain groups or talk to certain people. We do the same things for work and going out in public in general. It's only a problem when as you put it you sacrifice yourself to keep the mask up to please others. We usually act certain ways around people because that is how we associate with them at a surface level. Meaning you will act a certain way around your bar friends and you would act a different way towards your hiking friends. The rules and social structure of each group changes and thus so does acceptable and unacceptable behavior. Whereas it might be encouraged to be loud and boisterous with your bar friends it might not be the same case with your hiking friends. We let parts of our true self bleed through the mask at certain points to get closer to certain people. Lovers, or just close friends. There are really only a few people in our lives we will ever be fully vulnerable towards. It's okay to wear the mask and to have it for most people we just need to make sure we are not sacrificing ourselves to do so. We have values and things we accept and don't. Those should never be put aside regardless of if the mask exists or not. That is the key. You can be sort of different with each group but you must at your core remain true to who you are as a person.
Roxylox in reply to
Very wise, that advice to remain true to who you are.
Yes. In many ways, that is appropriate. You might not swear around a toddler, but would around adult friends. You might wear a different outfit to church than to the bar. We are all very complex. The problem comes in when we don’t know ourselves. Yes, I’ll wear the church outfit to church and refrain from swearing, and maybe not tell Aunt Janey that I’m an omnivore after she just went on a tirade about meat. But that’s her; not me. I don’t have to justify who I am to anyone. And I don’t have to openly share either. But sometimes while someone drones on and complains, I think about who I am deep down and I ask myself whether I agree with them or can only enthusiastically say, “I can see you feel strongly about XYZ.” I guess what I’m suggesting is, use these moments when you feel like you are hiding something to discover your true values. 🌿🤗🎉
Yes definitely I have different opinions and beliefs than my parents and sister and it often leads to arguments so I do sometimes hide it
Yes. This is me... To the point that my own accent naturally changes, depending on who I'm with at the time. I have to concentrate very hard not to do it.Sometimes I just wish I could freeze time & everybody else & not have to worry about it for a while.
Why do I sometimes pretend I don't know certain things around certain people?
It might sound odd, but during the first lockdown we had last year, I actually thrived in the social isolation with just hubby & kids & my anxiety totally disappeared. Wish it stayed gone.
I am getting worse.
Feeling a bit unsettled about getting back out and trying to mix a bit again alight. Got very comfortable in that family bubble. I suppose plenty others will feel the same
We'll get through this season - at least we know we're not alone in this issue.
True, that helps a bit.
Yes, I have been a people pleaser for many years. I did it because I was afraid of rejection. I stopped doing it because I realized the people I was pleasing were using me and didn't really care about me. This made me angry, mostly with myself for being such a doormat! Oh well live and learn.🤔
I do this ALL the time. Have all the parties. Go out of my way fir my school aged kids friends. At the end of the day (school year), none of them are good to me or my kids. They will easily betray what we felt was a friendship, for the party next door. Sometimes my kids are invited and some not. Bottom line is, they don’t care about us. They don’t care about our friendship or what we thought, was a friendship. They care about themselves and having fun. So I sit in hell in my own body, trying to keep my own kids busy while their best friends run around with (and all the friends moms are driving them to my next door neighbors house, never batting an eye that may feel weird to us), the friends that they thought they had.
Yes, I definitely do. Around my atheist friends I play up my agnostic/questioning side.Around the Christians I know, I tend to act more resolute in my faith than I really am. In my case, it’s an insecurity thing/not wanting to make waves, which ultimately stems from the fact that I’m not a fan of most people and the drama and assumptions that they make.
I totally relate. On here is the only place I can express absolutely everything I'm feeling. I always hold some back from every other person. I'm right there with you. I'm also a people pleaser - much to my cost at times.
The main thing I end up doing is stopping talking, because people don’t want to know or listen - my attempts at general conversation don’t work. I’m not the most talkative person, and because I put my foot in it so much, I end up staying quiet, because it makes me more acceptable to others. I don’t know what to say to be acceptable. I have adhd & autism, and while I’m in the world, I’m also not in it - I’m excluded.
Yes I can totally relate to that. I m trying to address it in my group therapy zoom meetings. I think it takes practice in a safe non judgemental environment to get better at being more authentic. In my case I'm practicing in a 12 step program to address addiction mental health issues. I would recommend you find something that is of interest to you that is a group setting online is a good start. Cognitive behavioral therapy is very helpful as well I found. Healthy boundary setting & saying no are key things to learn more about.
This comes as a part of you that wants to be liked. Be yourself always and see who is still around in a month these are your true friends who are worth hanging on to.
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