intense feelings of not existing in reality

[Starbrush]

So.. it’s been a very long time since I’ve last written a post here but.. I have been increasingly just detaching from reality? I will be staring into space for hours but it only feels like 2 mins. Or I feel like I’m on autopilot doing anything.... I have also felt like I’m reliving some negative experiences and it feels very real but at the same time it doesn’t? And it’s like a gradual tapping back into reality? When I realize I’m disconnected from reality it takes a while before I can actually get out of it..

I haven’t been able to get any of my coursework for uni done nor any of my part-time freelance work done for weeks because of this..

it doesn’t help that I’ve sorta been seeing two people and I’m relearning intimacy after all my s*xual a***ult childhood trauma resurfacing. (Both of them are wonderful people and very understanding) but I feel incredibly disconnected during intimacy despite feeling safe with them in other moments.

I feel like a train wreck.. and very guilty.. does anyone have any ideas what to do with this? How can I manage this better?

[clovergreen1207]

Hi Starbrush, nice to meet you. I sometimes get the feelings that I'm present but not here. like I'm just observing myself in the moment of what ever I'm doing. My periods aren't as intense as how you've described it though. But you mentioned you're seeing two people and your childhood truama is resurfacing. Maybe this might have something to do with your flashbacks and detached feelings. Can you talk to any one of these person's about your trauma? to bring up the conversation ask them if they observe any moments where you seem disconnected and then maybe bring it up.

[Starbrush in reply to clovergreen1207]

Hello clover, thank you for responding, it’s kinda reassuring to know I am not alone in my feelings. Yes one of them has already dealt with needing to “bring me back” to the present moment.. I have spoken up about some of my issues to them but it’s difficult when you’re first getting to know people (just to clarify I’ve only been on 1 date with one of them and the other only 2) so it’s very fresh... and I’m sorta.. scared to divulge too much because I fear it’ll scare them..

[clovergreen1207 in reply to Starbrush]

Hi ! So sorry for my late response . Yes seeing as how you just meet them I totally get why you wldnt want to talk to about it just yet. Don't say anything you won't be comfortable with. With time you'll get to know them better and they'll get to know u better.

[Pickles19]

Hi Starbrush, I am very familiar with detaching from reality. It can feel quite scary for me and it’s hard to fully describe to someone who hasn’t experienced it. I have found that it happens when I’m extremely stressed and triggers from past traumatic events are resurfacing, sometimes subconsciously. When I catch myself or someone else does I practice mindfulness. Pushing my feet firmly into the ground or my arms on chair or bed, breathing deeply and feeling the air move through me helps. Sometimes I do a little mantra, “I’m here. I’m real. Everything around me is real. I’m safe.”