I feel uncomfortable with my existence , and need coping mechanisms

[38i238i3]

Hi Im really new here, and just looking both to vent and hopefully get useful advice in response. If that isnt what I should be doing, please do let me know.

I feel like when it comes to problems, its very important to be able to think about them, or accept them, if you want a solution to something specific. But Im too overwhelmed to articulate these thoughts, everything feels so blurry that the lack of certainty is overwhelming. I feel so uncomfortable with my existence. And with the way I interact with other people. I just feel uncomfortable about everything that has something to do with me. I dont dislike my body or face, its fine, its just... me. And sometimes when it gets overwhelming, my body starts to ache, especially my limbs and ribs for some reason. I wish there were a way to cope. Also to top it off, I just constantly get jealous of everyone. They dont even need to be anything "special", they just need to have something I wish I did. Peace. And as a response I just end up isolating myself to cope. When it comes to trying to cope by making art, I simply cant get started without getting frustrated with myself and breaking down. I hope Im not the only one experiencing this. If you have been through this, how do you usually cope? And what do you do to stay grounded? How do you take care of yourself to get through this

[Hidden]

Hi 38i238i3 and welcome.Sometimes I like to write down the problems so I can get them out of my head. Also the problems don't look so big when on paper.

Try and tackle only one problem at a time even if you spend a whole day at first, it's another problem off your plate.

I do a daily meditation for around ten minutes. It seems to put the day in perspective.

Hope this helps, I'm no expert it's just what I've done to help me.

[38i238i3 in reply to Hidden]

Have heard some of those before, thanks for bringing them up Gonna gather some courage to go give them a try. Do you prefer writing them down by hand? Or just typing. Im not a good writer so I just usually end up drawing something. Oh and yeah, meditating is pretty cool

[Hidden in reply to 38i238i3]

I write them down by hand, I don't see a problem typing them.

[Matt2540]

Hi, 38i238i3. I am very sorry to hear that you are going through such a tough time. Believe me when I tell you, you are not alone at all. I went through a difficult emotional period some years ago, and a lot of what you described feels very familiar to me. I I don't know if this will work for everyone, but I will tell you something that I tried that was helpful. I realized that I was using up a lot of energy trying to force myself to feel better and to think of solutions to my problems, but I was just going in circles. So, I decided to give myself a vacation from thinking about it. I said to myself, "For the next two weeks, I am not going to fight my bad feelings... I am just going to let myself feel them." I actually marked the date on my calendar to remind myself. For those two weeks, whenever bad feelings came up, I just let them wash over me. And it worked! When the two weeks were over, I felt more rested, and I was able to start thinking more clearly about finding solutions to my problems.

Well anyway, that's just one idea. I am sure that you will get plenty of good suggestions, and I hope that you find some that work for you. I wish you the very best!

[38i238i3 in reply to Matt2540]

That sounds really nice. Thank you for writing this as a response. And thanks for the welcome. About the 2 week thing, I occasionally try to do that, but fail often. Kind of on a similar boat as what glenninindy is describing. And for some reason I struggle a bit with crying when Im alone. Or just letting that happen. How do you let feelings wash over you? And what do you find cathartic? I just usually talk to my friends, or listen to music.

[Matt2540 in reply to 38i238i3]

One way that I let the feelings wash over me is to sit by a window and look at a tree, or a garden, or some other pleasant thing, and just notice whatever thoughts and feelings come up. I try not to push them away, but I try not to fixate on them either. Of course, that is only what works for me. You need to find what works for you. I wish you the very best, and will be happy to offer more advice if asked.

[Zhangliqun]

What do you mean when you say you are uncomfortable with your existence? I suspect I know but would like you to spell it out in case I'm wrong so I don't give you bad advice.

[38i238i3 in reply to Zhangliqun]

I feel uncomfortable knowing Im an individual, that I interact with things (mostly fuck them up lol). Ive always detached from the idea of me being an individual or a person, and it messes with my head to be aware of who I am. That Im someone, and flawed. I dont really know how to word it. I just feel so uncomfortable knowing that I exist. I was going to describe it as "not being able to live with myself" but yeah. Is dissociating the word for it? I dont know really, sorry, hope that was helpful to some extent.

[Zhangliqun in reply to 38i238i3]

I think the term you're looking for is depersonalization, detachment from self. It often comes with derealization, detachment from your surroundings. I don't think this is what you have, but I have no degree so take that for what it's worth.

It sounds more like something I have from time to time which, rather than detachment from self is a painful, excessive awareness of self. That feeling you get when hearing your own voice on a recording -- it never sounds the way it sounds in your head while you're talking or singing, it always sounds like some stranger you've never heard before, an icky, weird, awkward stranger you wish would shut up and go away forever. Multiply that feeling by ten or a hundred and that's how I feel about myself overall at times (not just the voice), though it's not as bad as it used to be, thank God.

I don't know what the technical term is for that or if I am at all touching on what you have but there it is. But for me, the best way to counter it is to remember that God makes no mistakes, therefore I am not a mistake; I was created very intentionally for a very holy purpose by Someone who knows what He's doing. So if I or anyone else has a problem with that, too bad.

Being anchored in an eternal holy purpose is the only way to have a consistent defense against such an illness. Even with all the sophisticated medications and talk therapies available to us now (and believe me, I do not discount them, in the hands of a gifted psychiatrist they are gifts from God that can be a great help), at the end of the day, all the alternatives still leave you at the mercy of feelings and moods that come and go and do not care about you.

[Hidden in reply to Zhangliqun]

I totally have been there and can relate to this, but it will subside

[Zhangliqun in reply to Hidden]

But it will also come back. So take what I said to heart...

[hypercat54]

The latest thinking is that certain personality types we are born with which is genetic are more prone to mental health problems. How we are nurtured is essential and those with functional upbringings will learn healthy coping mechanisms and behaviours.

For those who have the misfortune to have dysfunctional nurturing they are much more likely to have issues.

There was a recent study done about fear. A small minority of people are naturally fearless and there was a big correlation found between those who commit crime and those who are natural leaders or risk takers.

The conclusion was that nurturing largely determined who committed crime and who was a law abiding citizen who took risks such as those engaged in dangerous sports. They started with very similar personalities but some went one way and others another way. Nurturing has to play a large part.

[RupertBrown]

Speaking from personal experience, it's hard to do anything artistic when you're not feeling it. I've tried just pushing through and sketching just try to jump start something, but it usually turns into an exercise in frustration and just goes downhill from there. Mostly I just try to give myself time and wait until I'm in a better headspace. Unfortunately that often can take months. Sorry I don't habe more advice but I can definitely relate. Hope you find some peace.

[38i238i3 in reply to RupertBrown]

I see. Something Ive been told to do, was to look for inspiration. But yeah, that doesn't always do much. How much time do you usually give yourself? Sadly I have a deadline 5 days away, for a zine.

[RupertBrown in reply to 38i238i3]

Usually I wait until I'm feeling a little better. Sometimes its just a few hours, sometimes it's the next day. Art is just a hobby for me so I don't have to worry about deadlines though. One thing I've found very helpful is music. I read a book called "Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain" (Best art book I've ever read). It says that the left side of brain is responsible for logical, structured thinking. The right side handles creative, big picture thinking. According to the book, music with words can prevent you from fully engaging the right (creative) side of your brain, because you're subconsciously processing the lyrics the whole time. Instrumental music allows you to fully engage your creativity. It sounds silly but I fully believe it works! I find it's easier to get into a "zone" if I'm listening to electronic ambient or some other wordless music. Either way, I'd highly recommend that book for any artist. Good luck!

[38i238i3]

Same here. It gets a bit boring when you dont get any dreams though.

[Hidden]

Hi and welcome

This is an amazing site of people who understand and are very supportive. I am sure they will have much advise for you, hope you take it as well. Welcome again