This is my first time searching for help to improve my mental health outside of talking to my friends. For years I’ve felt stuck and have had waves of depression. There are a lot of things I need to get off my chest, but I guess I will start with the main problem. I apologize if my writing seems to be all over the place.
My parents are low-income and with today’s high cost of living, I can’t afford to pay for my own place and fund their housing + bills as well. My mom is a hypochondriac and a hoarder. She spends $800-1000 a month on holistic medication/treatments, which she cannot afford. She’s had doctors at hospitals diagnose her with anxiety. They’ve done tests on her that show she does not have any heart issues like she claims she does but she refuses to believe it. She also can’t stop purchasing useless items. Anytime she sees someone else running a side business that she *thinks* is successful, she will want to try it too and buy all of the equipment necessary for it, but will be done with it after about a month. For example, she has tried to become a salesperson and filled our house with useless inventory that no one wants to buy (shower curtains, dart boards, massage guns, fanny packs, etc). She’s also gotten involved in and lost money to MLMs in the past. She is very stubborn, doesn’t listen to anyone, and is the type of person who always has to be right. When confronted, she says that she will die if she stops taking the holistic medication, and that all her inventory that has been sitting around the house (some of it for years now) is needed for her to make money. Our house is a mess because she will put her things anywhere she sees an empty spot. There are piles of her things everywhere, and practically the entire garage is just piles of her stuff. She will buy multiples of the same item simply because “it was cheap” and she thinks she can sell the extras. These things usually and predictably end up being junk that break easily. Whatever she does end up selling is sold at a low profit margin and not worth the time. She once sold $50 of stuff only to profit $3, which I am sure she lost from both her time and the gas money it took to deliver it. Anytime I manage to organize one area of the house, she will buy more things and pile it there. And that is just the tip of the iceberg. There are many other ways she wastes money that she doesn’t have and finds excuses to justify it or says it’s someone else’s fault. For example, she used to be addicted to gambling and has lost tens of thousands of dollars. She blamed my dad for tempting her to go to the casino, but she had already been going for years prior to my dad going. She only stopped because casinos closed down due to the pandemic. She refuses to go to therapy.
Aside from my mom’s money issues, she also likes to tell people how her life is so difficult and that no one helps her. I have heard her loudly talking on the phone about this. When I confronted her about this, she started talking on the phone in her car instead of in the house. Keep in mind that she does not pay for any of the bills or groceries so whatever money she makes is her own to use (she is not retirement age yet but wished she was despite not having money to retire). She will passive aggressively talk about how other people’s adult children are so great because they give their mom $100 a month (but do not pay for their bills) or are planning to buy them a house once they retire. She doesn’t even consider how she has already never had to pay for any bills. My dad has paid for all the bills up until my brother and I bought this house several years ago. My dad bought her a new car back when I was a child and I gave her my fully paid off car (only 5 years old at the time) when the one my dad bought her stopped working after 20 years. When she has had business ideas in the past, she would have my dad pay for her startup costs which were thousands or tens of thousands of dollars over the years. She has called me ungrateful and useless, and said that she wasted so many years raising me. She would say these things after very simple arguments, such as me asking her why she bought another new blender when we already have 3 other blenders. She told me that no one will ever love me or want to marry me when I was a teenager because my breasts were not big enough. She is also an extremely paranoid person overall (in addition to the hypochondriac issue). But that’s another story. I resent her for many reasons. However, at the same time I’m conflicted. She can be caring other times. For instance, if I’m sick, she will bring me food and take care of me. She is genuinely concerned about my well-being. But I guess that’s the bare minimum of being a mother. It has gotten to the point where I feel like she only cares about my well-being because she wants to ensure her retirement plan is there, but I don’t know if that’s true. Overall, I feel like she’s driving me insane with her own mental health issues.
Living with her makes me feel like I will never be able to feel free or happy. My brother and I bought this house several years ago for family reasons and we split the bills (my dad will also occasionally help with the bills from his social security money, but my mom also yells at my dad to give her money on a monthly basis and will throw a tantrum if she feels like it isn’t enough). My brother is her golden child and he is a passive person so he lets her do whatever she wants. Because of this, my mom does not get into arguments with my brother. I feel trapped because I can’t leave for a few reasons: my name is on the house and mortgage and I can’t afford to pay for that and another place for myself, I can’t leave my brother to pay for the entire family on his own, and I can’t leave my dad to be lonely and dealing with my mom on his own (my brother is passive and not one to go to for support). My mom’s entire family is in a different country so we are all she has here. I don’t know how to help her. She is stubborn to the point of being delusional and does not want to seek help.
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My story about family, coping with depression, and lack of support
Help for my Mom
