worried about mom drinking

[pennymama]

I got onto this discussion group for my own issues. But I'm worried that my mom, in her 60's, has a real drinking problem. It makes me anxious and nauseous to think about it.Which is why I've been avoiding it. But it seems here to stay. I have no idea how to approach her about it, or whether that's something I should even do. She's tried to detox a few months ago, and it only lasted a couple days. I'm also worried about how it affects my child and my partner. Ugh. Not sure if I'm venting or looking for advice, but if anyone else is going through something similar, please share.

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Are there any local groups that can give you advice pennymama?

[DMM218]

I'd speak to her directly. I'd time the visit so she wasn't sober but not yet had her full amount to drink.

Don't take anyone else along unless you feel you could be at physical risk. This is a private matter for you and your mum.

Take some printed leaflets about local AA support and information about alcoholism. Not lots but enough for her to consider.

Sit her down and tell her bluntly that she has a drink problem. Even that she may deny, but don't argue it just keep talking to her as if she has accepted the point. Tell her you love her, that being an alcoholic makes you worry and why. Tell her your fears for her. Constantly tell her you aren't judging her. Alcohol can ensnare anyone. It's not a blame game.

If she gets that you genuinely support her she may listen and open up. Be prepared for her to drink - tbh she will need it at this stage.

If she is open about her problem then work can be done. If she is in denial nothing you say or do will help her.

It's not healthy being around an alcoholic so if she can't accept her problem you may have to limit contact for you and your families sake. No one should have to watch that self destruct ion.

Alcoholism is a terrible thing to endure. But, like any addiction, if you cannot face it then help is pointless. If she can face it, you can support her to sobriety. It will take time. She will fail a lot. But with love and acceptance she can overcome this.

It's important not to get into personal arguments when having this talk. Issues stemming from her behaviour as an alcoholic can be dealt with once she's in recovery and not before.

[DMM218 in reply to DMM218]

Depending on how long and how much she drinks professional medical assistance may be necessary for any meaningful detox. She simply can't do it herself. It's that hard

[pennymama]

Thank you. She did do a medically assisted detox, but at the end she went back to drinking. Right before she went in, she said she was going to handle it her own way and that she didn't want me or family to try to direct her course. She acknowledged the problem then. But we haven't talked about it since. It has never affected her professionally or caused legal problems. But it's scary to watch the slow descent. And she's been acting strange. She didn't have substance issues when I was growing up in her house.

[pennymama in reply to pennymama]

I'm struggling with how to add this mom talk to my 'to do' list when I'm already way overloaded, depressed, and anxious. I think a realistic next step (baby step) is finding a local NARCAN group.

[DMM218 in reply to pennymama]

Just take ur time. It's an idea only. Doesn't have to happen. You do what's best for you when it's right.

In UK there is a support group called Adult Children of Alcoholics - I think- anyway my friend went to it and found the support really good for dealing with the issues raised by her fathers drinking. Maybe you can search online for something similar near you.

It sounds like you should make yourself a bigger priority as you seem so worn out with worries about others. How to do this I'm not sure but try to take good care of yourself. X

[DMM218 in reply to DMM218]

Alcoholism can result in a form of dementia if that's what you mean by acting strange.