I've been participating in a study entitled Adapt which is looking into the efficacy of app based therapy. The study has been going on not for a month and I can't tell if it's helping me as I find the daily survey questions quite triggering as the reason I'm using this therapy is because I'm so socially isolated (not pandemic related) and have zero friends and have not worked in forever due to being incapable of forming any kind of relationship with other people. The survey asks if I worked today and that just reinforces that I'm unemployed and it asks if I did anything social and that just reinforces that I haven't had a friend since high school. I feel worse. I'm in my own head more than ever. To make matters worse, my therapist has taken to utilizing voice posts that make it harder for me to go back and reference the questions she's asked me because I can't simply reread them and it makes me feel as if I'm a child being lectured to by an adult and another one of my problems is that I already feel like a child since I'm an old person still living with her parents. I wasn't expecting a miracle but I don't think this is helping.
Adapt Study via Talkspace: I've been... - Anxiety and Depre...
Adapt Study via Talkspace
Why are you unable to form any relationships with people? Is it because you never learned how to? What has happened when you try?
I'm very shy, I don't talk to people unless they speak to me first and therefore don't have much in the way of conversational skills. I spend most of time alone at home, even before the pandemic. Having no friends makes me wary of even trying to meet people because I'm sure they would be disgusted if they found out that I don't have any friends and automatically reject me and I understand that impulse because it's not normal to not have people in one's life.
I think face to face therapy would be very useful for you. Ok not at the moment with covid but afterwards. Have you thought about that?
And one question. Would you be disgusted and refuse friendship with someone who had no other friends? One good thing I picked up in therapy was to avoid 'magical thinking' ie knowing in advance how others are going to think or respond. You don't and can't unless you are a clairvoyant.
My shyness is preventing me from face to face therapy, these are not things that I am able to articulate. Please don't take this the wrong way but if I was able to do traditional therapy, I would have done it long ago.
I understand what you are saying but if you don't make changes then nothing will change. Why not find yourself a therapist and write down what you want to say to them instead. If you explain that you are too shy to talk about it then you won't be the only person the therapist has met like that and will concentrate on putting you at your ease.
Conversational skills can be learnt whatever your age and a good therapist will start teaching you them. You can pick up lots of tips from watching how others interact as well. Another tip is instead of thinking how shy and awkward you feel is to concentrate on putting the other person at ease instead. Not easy but practise makes perfect as they say.
Avoiding your issues isn't the way to deal with them but it depends on how much you want to change. It has to come initially from you though. The fact that you have reached out to us is a good sign. Keep talking to us online and you will get more used to it, then perhaps you would be more able to talk face to face with someone.
Makes sense?
On my tablet before I killed it I had an app that was working really well for me. But I killed my tablet before I could write down what that app was exactly. But it was working really well until...well, you know.
Sorry that happened. Sometimes technology is a double edged sword.
Text therapy sounds terrible TBH. Voice messages sound even worse. Especially if you are already feeling isolated and hard to communicate with people. You need that immediate feedback and visual cues. My therapist is virtual. Can you try something like that and ditch the study?
I prefer the text part because I don't want to verbalize these things, at the start the therapist was also writing out her response which was easier for me since I could go back and reread questions to make sure I didn't miss any of them. Lately she has been doing voice posts which must be easier since I'm sure she has quite a caseload. One of my problems is quitting things early so I'm determined to make it to the end of the study which is only one more month. Also, if I don't finish it, I don't get paid.
If your challenge is communicating how is text going to help? Communication involves more than reading between the lines. You get to practice with a therapist where it is safe. Are you sure you aren’t just avoiding real commitment to improvement? Voice is even more useless. As you said you can’t linger on a sentence. Overworked? This is a private practice. You shouldn’t be getting less attention because they can’t manage the work load!
Thank you for your concern, I am well aware of my problems and this is how I am choosing to deal with them, as far as I can tell this is how I will continue to deal with them. We all get to choose how we handle out mental health issues, so please let me deal with mine as I see fit.
Hi! I actually function better being able to read. I get anxious sometimes during verbal conversations. I get you. I did that BetterHelp text app once and had a pre-meeting with the therapist. I texted her a big long rambling thing about my problem, she texted me back a book recommendation about Boundaries. She then missed my appointment! But I was so happy with the book that I didn’t even care. I never did get a chance to speak with her, LOL but she changed my life without even knowing it!
I get anxious during conversations as well. If I don't think that I'm being understood or heard I usually peace out if I'm talking to anyone other than my parents because I know that I will start to raise my voice and/or cry. I don't want to do that so I usually try not to disagree with people who aren't my parents because I am not comfortable showing emotion around other people. It's great that you got something out of your therapy even if it wasn't in a traditional way.
Hi alonensad, From reading through some of your previous posts it seems doing any therapy at all is a big step, so well done. It’s not easy. Hang in there. It sounds like this study could really use your input to improve itself for future users. Take care.
Thank you. This is really the best I can do and it's not costing me anything which is a bonus because I could not afford the service on my own.
Absolutely stay with the study. You are the kind of person they are trying to reach. They really need your feedback to make this the best program they can. Others need the written word. I am deaf and face to face is almost a waste of time. Texting a therapist is exactly what I need. Keep up the good work. Keep us in the loop so we know its going. 👍👍 🐿️ 🌻
Thank you, I realize that talk therapy is considered the gold standard for therapy but it's not something that everyone can do and any modality that can further expand it those who need it should be taken into account and properly studied.
You're preaching to the choir on that one.
I've always been shy. It didn't just happen to me, it's been as constant as my eye color. I read that even therapy can't really change a shy person into an outgoing one so I've never bothered with it, also I'm way to shy to do it anyway. The consequence is that I'm terrible at conversation and I worry about the point when people learn that I'm all alone and haven't accomplished and reject me. The good thing is that since no one talks to me, no one will ever find out.
I would love a way out but if it's out there, it's hiding from me.
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