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Hi, I'm new. Here's my question for you💖

Jslyn54 profile image

Hi, I'm new here.

I am deeply deeply struggling and am trying to reach out to new horizons for help. My therapist is so backed up I can't see her until june, and I need a sign right now to keep trying in my life.

For a little background, I am 25 and only recently have been diagnosed with severe chronic depression and anxiety. I truly have been fighting my mind most of my life. I have worked at ups for 7 years now and fell in love with delivering. I am a very valuable employee but have not been treated as such for the past few years. I am a people pleaser to a fault and my job falls into this. They know I wont say no to avoid conflict. So after a year of being used here and there with the promise and indications of me getting the job I want, deserve, love and do exceptionally well, I am still here fighting for it. It's like they are holding it like a fishing pole and I'm the poor guppy who gets a piece then they pull it away for me to come back and give them more of what they want/need.

So, what would you do? Leave the company and job you love with all your heart of 7 years, good benefits, good relationships, more importantly the job you want and are phenomenal at, and all of this is years of effort in the making? Or would you stay and keep trying? Despite being miserable and incapable of being the steady employee you were (are) because the abuse of the company is breaking your mental health?

I'm all ears, I'm so tired of feeling sick from sadness and hurt.

17 Replies

Hi.I would look into contacting human resources possibly and letting them know this. Maybe they can make reasonable accomodations.

Also, I don't know where you are located but this helps me. Where I live there is something called a local warmline. It is a safe place to call and share and get feedback and you get to talk to a real person. Is there something like that where you live? do you need to go to the hospital? If not, wait for your appointment and try to take care of yourself until then. That's what I would say. Hope this helps. I am not a therapist or doctor or anything. But I've had a lot of experience on the other end and am advising what I would need or want to hear. If this doesn't make sense, please disregard or take what does. And good luck. You matter infinitely and don't be afraid to take care of yourself and trust your inner authority. ☺️

Jslyn54 profile image
Jslyn54 in reply to Goodhairday

Thank you for such a genuine response. I am touched by your care. I like the idea of talking to hr but don't know what may become of it. I'm trying my hardest to not go to a hospital but it's becoming very difficult to do that. I will look into what you have suggested. I'm so new to so much of this I don't know all my resources. Thank you 💖

Goodhairday profile image
Goodhairday in reply to Jslyn54

As far as hospitals go, I've had a number of experiences. It can go very badly sometimes. It's rare but can happen so be careful. But you shouldn't feel bad if you need help. Be careful. Do not drive yourself there. That is always a bad idea. They can help take care of you of you need it. Just whatever is best for you.

*if you need it.

Try to get a ride or something.

Or just feel better. I don't know how to help more. Be well. And trust your inner authority. Have a great day.

I would honestly avoid the hospital if at all possible, from personal experience. It did save my life but would have been better and less traumatic if I had the option to care for myself. I digress.

Hi. I am an mental health employment advisor. Do you have an IAPT/talking therepies service? If so, check if Employment Advisor are operating there and you will usually be supported within weeks. You don't have to wait for therepy to get employment advice.

Jslyn54 profile image
Jslyn54 in reply to Peer1

Thank you for this. I will look into it as soon as I can. I did not know these things may be options. Thank you. 💖

Peer1 profile image
Peer1 in reply to Jslyn54

Pleasure. You can go on the website and self refer too. If for whatever reason you are not eligible for the service, try Fit for Work, Acas, and EASS, and possibly HSE. These are national but helpful resources. Also heck your Local Mind who may be able to help. You are entitled to reasonable adjustments. In the first instances, get a Fit Note from your GP stating you are fit to work with altered duties and reasonable adjustments.

In tne first instance you'd go to your manager.

Ultimately, I would say, only you can decide this, and what you can cope with right now. Good luck.

socratesanne profile image
socratesanne in reply to Jslyn54

My jusband used to work for UPS years ago. They work you hard and often a thankless job. Though Suggest rever to quit a job you love until you have another one. Perhaps you could truster to another territory or look into other cities that m like a new go getter and would hire you. then you have leverage you could quit the territory you in ow. Would have to be done undercover.

HR says they will not divulge but that is not really how they work behind the scenes often times. Also suggest you need strict confident in those you cdonfede in. u unless they are strict confidants as a sounding board.

If you are in an EAP program to address your work, that can backfire, so only see therapists outside your company for guidance. Sorry to be so negative but life and years know it is all the company that is the goal, If you are wanting to leave and they have someone there to take over. I am sure you are worth your weigh in gold and hope they see its soon. Get to know the folks who can move a mountain and get some guidance from them once you get to know their goals.

The job requires loyalty and you have shown this. My guess you might be surprised that they are keeping an eye on you and perhaps just remind them of your dedication and desire to advance when the time is right and with whom. As long as they know you are wanting to advance. there usually is window of opportunity and the bosses do keep an eye out for upward mobility folksYou also might look into another competitive company on your days off to check out other avenues, Once you have that job letter offer and agreement, then resign. timing is important. the phrase, a bird in the hand is worth two in the bush is true especially nowdays given the work force timing due to the pandemic.

It is trying time for many and need to keep jobs is greater than ever but also loyalty will move you up when you hang in a job or someone in another firm sees you merit.

These are just suggestions but practical ideas to use if any of them seem to help. You know you firm best and you will get a feel what is best for you but appreciation stretches your need for recognition and that one can only tolerate for so long. We just do not really know how long. Glad you reached out to others and hope any ideas help give you confidence you need. It sound like you really like your job and that is wonderful. Sorry if these ideas probably already were reviewed probably in your thinking, but just in case I put is in here in case you missed some thoughts. Peer1 was right that there might be a union rep that does career guidance to help you advance or the HR dept is set up to offer this kind of advancement, just read the definitions of their roles when they help you and ward of others who told you how they moved up. Sometimes that is the best guidance, someone who has been in your shoes in that company. that was how my husband moved up. they were friends for many years even affair my husband had moved on later.

I would try to let them know that you're getting a bit burned out. Just need to cut back on some hours. You need to take care of yourself first. You'll be no good to them burnt. Is there anyone there you could talk honestly but subtly with? Do it now before you get to a breaking point and say what you want at a too loud voice. Rehearse what you want to say and how you want to say it.

You deserve a better job.

Stay and keep trying. There are many great things you’ve described about your job! But, as someone like you, I would say, it’s time to try something new. One thing I learned was that the squeaky wheel gets the grease. The ones who get promoted are the ones who are saying they’d like promoted. “Hey boss, can I talk to you? I’ve been doing x y and z and I would like to do x”. Boss might say, “Let me think about it.” Give boss some time, then hit up the boss again. “Hey boss, we talked two weeks ago about my possible promotion... have you made a decision yet?”

Keep going like that. If boss says, “I decide No is my answer.” Then you’ll have more information. You can ask, “What would it take to turn that No into a Yes?” That’s my advice. I prepared to do this and it worked.

Also, keep in mind that, for you and me, this is a huge earth shattering task. To our bosses, however, it’s not nearly so dramatic. They have jobs to fill and want to make their jobs run as smoothly and easily as possible. So, a long speech about how much you love your job may not go as far as a brief businesslike discussion, saying, “Hey. I would like to do A not B, and here’s why that is good me AND for you and the company too.”

Hi Jslyn54,

I totally understand your situation. You have invested so much plus it seems like your dream job. Have you tried having a one -on-one with your manager and having he/she outline what else you needed to move to the next step. If you’ve tried that and it didn’t work try reaching out to he/his superior with proof of your accomplishments thus far and ask what’s needed to get to the next level. In term of stress and anx associated with the job - try and incorporate some walking or yoga or dancing in your life. Although easier said than done and try to refocus on other aspects of your life. One step at a time. Sometimes the best way to hold on is to let go and things have a way of falling into place. Don’t leave the company or at least not right now. Keep on being and doing your best.

I don't have the answer for you, but I understand. I've been in your situation several times. No one likes to feel used, ignored, or unheard.Here's my take on your situation: You're making your supervisors life/job easier because what ever the situation is, you'll take care of it. And they know it. In my world, if I were a supervisor, I'd do what ever I could for you, to make you happy, because you're making my life easier. I would give more of the tougher or unpleasant projects to the people who make my life/job tougher. But unfortunately, that's not the way it usually works. Supervisors are often afraid of or are afraid to deal with people who complain or speak up. Also, the employees who complain or speak up, often know what to say, and how to say it and then supervisor is afraid they'll go to HR and they'll be in trouble. So then the supervisor turns to someone else who won't complain or speak up. They want to be the boss, the Supervisor, whatever, and they're getting paid to do it, but they'll take the easy way out for themselves (what does that say about their integrity or character?).

One thing you did say was "for 7 years now and fell in love with delivering". And that says a lot. But that doesn't mean you should stay. You have to figure that out. I will tell you that you deserve to be treated properly. You deserve to be talked to and treated as a person, a human being. That's not asking for much, but often, that's not the way the world works. Often it's how someone says something, as much as what they say.

As others have mentioned, does UPS have an EAP program? Also, if you do go to HR, try to have your thoughts together (Get you story straight). Try to anticipate what questions HR will ask. Do you have a friend who would be good in this situation to go over this with them? Maybe even practice a 'mock' HR appointment? Maybe someone older who is a supervisor, white collar, executive-someone with experience in how to handle this?

I know this didn't answer your question, but please believe that you are not alone.

-Most of all, "Never Give Up!" Keep trying to find 'your voice' to able to speak up for yourself.

In standing up for yourself, it's going to happen that after the situation is over, you'll say to yourself "I should have said this". I shouldn't have said that". "I forgot to tell them....". That's the way I've learned it-mostly the hard way. And I'm still learning, and I still get caught

'off guard.' Some people just know, sense, whatever, when they can use someone or play them, or not take them seriously.

You deserve to treated properly. You deserve to be treated right. Hang in there.

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