Being too harsh?

[amyle]

Hey guys, hope you are having a lovely day/night wherever you are!

So I've been having issues with my parents; especially my father.

So I am 21 and living with my family and I have never had a conversation with my dad..ever (it'll just be small talk). We have similar traits so it clashes and we NEVER got along especially in my teen years. He was very supportive in terms of our physical wellbeing, education and safety.

However he was emotionally absent, stubborn , aggressive and childish. He never bothered to come my school plays, my graduation , my high school orientation etc.

All I know is that he ruined me emotionally and mentally to the point where I still get flashback over the things he said to me and it still heavily effects me to the point where I can't function throughout the day.

For years it made me feel trapped and not myself.

He never gets along with people (which is why I don't invite my friends over), have no shame to humiliate me in public etc.

This has accumulated me to completely dislike him so I don't talk to him , look at him or anything. I know he senses it and I'm afraid that I've hurt him in some way.

I know it is sad but its like a mechanism to protect myself after years of being hurt during my childhood and teen years.

Thanks guys

[hypercat54]

I don't blame you. For me it was my mother. She was physically fantastic - we always had clean clothes, a clean house, and home cooked meals. But she was very verbally abusive and her words haunt me to this day and I am old.

Thanks to therapy in the past I have largely healed but what really helped me was discovering Childhood Emotional Neglect. This is when a child is physically and/or verbally emotionally abused. It's the failure of your parents to validate and teach you healthy coping strategies and how to regulate emotions properly. I can send you a good link if you want.

I did leave home at 18 and it wasn't until then I sought treatment. I think you need to get physically away if you can as this would help you to start healing. I did the same as you - built an emotional brick wall to protect myself. The trouble is that this can become a habit and stay in later life to hold you back so beware of this.

You can largely heal but you have to work on it.

[hypercat54 in reply to hypercat54]

I won't say any more as your post isn't locked to this community only and I don't want any private info going viral.

[amyle in reply to hypercat54]

Hey there, I'm sorry you had to go through this! I'm glad you managed to get away as soon as you can. I would love to move out but due to finances , I'm unable to at the moment. I know this emotional brick is unhealthy in the long run but it has given me some sort of freedom if that makes sense ! I would love if you can send me the link . thanks for that

[hypercat54 in reply to amyle]

choosingtherapy.com/childho...

Also check out Dr Jonice Webb

And PsychCentral.

[ShakeyD]

What exactly has your father said or done to make you feel this way.

[kvolm2016]

I'm sorry that this has been your experience with your father. No child should ever be traumatized by the neglect or the inappropriate actions of a parent but sadly it is far too common. As you already recognize, this has negatively impacted you in such a way that it affects your daily life. And generally speaking none of us have the ability to heal ourselves from this kind of trauma. So it truly is essential that you find a way to work with a counselor to start the process of moving toward a healthy emotional life.

Since you are still living at home, do your parents have health insurance that covers you? If so, that might give you access to mental health care.

And where is your mom in this family dynamic? Does she see what you are dealing with? Is she a positive or negative relationship for you?