The scary world outside my front door

[EndUser13]

I deal with agoraphobia because of panic disorder (which has been diagnosed as a symptom of PTSD) and have found it incredibly difficult to get out. I think when the covid restrictions were put into place I became far too docile and willing to do exactly what I wanted to do- just stay inside anyway!

I have been forcing myself to go for walks lately, not getting very far but when I get to the point where I start to feel that old familiar fear (and all the irrational things that go with it) I try to just stop and go no further but not retreat back home either.

I had an awesome caseworker with a local agency who'd help me get to appointments and such but it seemed like she was always in a rush or preoccupied. I'd try to get out with her and when I didn't make it very far we just drove straight back home and I felt like a failure.

Evidently, I wasn't all wrong about some suspicions I had about her seeming overwhelmed as she recently quit the agency that helps me. She left the company on amicable terms and the last time we spoke we left off on a good note- I really wish I'd been able to give her a proper goodbye because she had been such a helpful person to me in a life where it seems like I always need to rely on others.

Today I met a caseworker who is filling in for the time being, he seems like a super nice guy, I really like him. I got into the car and introduced myself, I tried to explain my issues and asked him if he could just try to be patient with me. I haven't gone further from my home than a lil' over a block for a few months now. Today we started out in the car and we'd drive so far, then I'd ask if he would pull over. I mentioned how I felt and that I know if I just take the time to talk myself out of it, use deep breathing and get accustomed to the anxiety it would pass. We didn't go incredibly far but I was hugely successful in getting out! This man was very patient and kind, I couldn't thank him enough.

Next week I have a dentist appointment I absolutely MUST get to, one I've already rescheduled twice because of my issues getting out. Today's small victory gave me some confidence back and hope for the future.

I need to learn to blow up the small victories and tear down the "failures" or count my blessings not my faults somehow.

I don't mean to brag, so much as I feel like sharing something that was a good thing for me and maybe offer some peace of mind that every day doesn't have to be some massive success, that every failure doesn't have to determine what's to come. I hope I have something even better to write a week from now

[hypercat54]

Wow well done you are doing wonderfully! I don't suffer with agoraphobia myself but one of my sisters has done for years. She managed to get herself out for short distances for a while but gradually relapsed and won't at all for the last 7 years or so.

I saw first hand the struggles she went through so I know how difficult it can be. Do not give up and keep forcing yourself out and eventually you will be able to get further and further. That's the secret. One tip is when you are out in the car with your therapist or alone feel the emotions and let them come. You will find that this is very illuminating and you might uncover some of the trauma which has led to it.

Even if you have to rush back home in panic do the same thing. Ok I know this is painful but it will pay off if you persevere. Keep going and have faith. You WILL get there I promise.

[Hidden]

can relate ! every morning i throw over the quilt over my head .. i find the world aggressive, lacking in compassion, in a hurry, stressful .. i feel safe in my home !

i have to go out to pay my mortgage ! but anyone in their right mind would feel safer at home ... I feel there is nothing wrong or worrying if about that aspect anymore .. I feel also the world out there is a worrying unsafe place ! where you have to be on your guard 24/7 ... i understand what you say xx

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

There are also lots of great people to meet and good times to be had. All life is a risk but you have to take calculated risks sometimes otherwise what's the point of life.

Anyone one of us can be in a car accident or get some dreadful illness but life never came with any guarantees and all you have is today. Don't let fear get the better of you.

[Catsamaze ADAA Volunteer]

Celebrate every trip outside your house, no matter if it’s walking or driving and no matter the distance! It isn’t easy, it takes guts, and you are doing it!

[tinycrumbs]

This is really inspiring, I admire your courage! & thanks for the thoughtful reminder, also-- been avoiding making a dentist appt for months, but I know I'll regret it if I put it off.

[Pat9]

well done you, good luck with the dentist, I am the same and I also have a dentist appt next month we can do this xx

[Lorcabella]

You're doing so well! You can absolutely do this. I had agoraphobia for years, and what finally cured it (I've been free of it for thirty years now!) was to do what you're doing. What I would do when I got to that place when the anxiety got overwhelming was to just stand there, or sit there if I felt weak kneed, and wait for it to pass. It would pass and I would go a little farther. Maybe only five steps, but it was more than I'd done the day before. I would stop, fight the urge to go back home, and then go just a bit longer. If I had music to listen to that helped. Every time you do that, you get stronger and you realize you're okay.I know you can overcome this. It just takes time and determination. Don't get discouraged if you have a bad day. Pick up again the next day and keep going. I'm very happy and excited for you. You can do this!

[Agora1 in reply to Lorcabella]

I so agree with your advice. xx

[Lorcabella in reply to Agora1]

Thank you! I appreciate that.