You feel me?

[Lucidauraz_]

Life ain’t really going to well for me... I’m getting played left and right, I fell back into drugs, my depression and anxiety are beating me to my core..... I jus don’t know how much longer i can hold on. Idk rn I feel like I need more then jus talking about my problems.... I put effort in trying to fix my issues but it’s like every time I try to fix em something else puts me back in the same fucked up position I’m in now. So it’s like I’m stuck idk... I feel like I’ve given my all and idk jus ready to give up. I have a hard time letting girls in my life cause of what my ex did. Shi jus hard bro... I need to get out the mindset that I need a gf to be happy that’s honestly the main thing that’s fucking me up... ever since I was young Ian really have anyone so I often felt lonely... but ever since I got introduced to love and affection its like all that loneliness I felt jus went away cause now I got someone here promising me that me and her could be happy together 😔 that I’ll never be alone again and I believed it.... I fell in love with the kisses, me being able to express my love to someone else, having someone to talk to, etc.... love and affection is such an addicting feeling for me that whenever I don’t have it I feel lonely and depressed like I have nobody... I hate that I’m this way and I wish I could change it but idk how... Loving me isn't easy. I've slowly come to terms with the fact that I have flaws that aren't easy to accept. I admit that I'm not perfect, far from it actually. But I try every day to be better. As I sit here thinking about what I want to say to you all that comes to mind at first is that I'm sorry. I'm sorry that I overthink even the slightest. I'm sorry that I jump to conclusions. I'm sorry that as a defense mechanism I shut down and become cold to save myself from getting hurt.

I'm sorry I'm not use to having someone there to help make my bad days better. So even if you do I won't admit it.

I'm sorry I'm skeptical that you'll stay because all I've experienced is people walking away. I'm sorry I have a guard up and it took longer to break down my walls then you'd like. I'm sorry I don't say how I'm feeling towards you more often and may come across emotionless because I'm scared that if I keep falling you won't want to catch me one day.

I'm sorry that I have opinions and sometimes that forms an argument because I'm stubborn. I'm sorry that I overanalyze the smallest of things.

I'm sorry that I get overwhelmed so easily. I'm sorry that I look forward to cuddling and falling asleep in your arms over anything else. I'm sorry that when I do get hurt I say things I don't mean. I'm sorry that I always do the 'wrong' thing because I clearly never know what the 'right' thing is. I'm sorry that I'm not simple. That what I feel and how I think isn't simple. I'm sorry that I don't have my life figured out. I've apologized way too many times for who I am and I'm not doing it again after this. It's not fair to me. I'm not a great person, but I'm not horrible. I have all these flaws but I'm still there for people. I still ask how you slept and how your day went. I'm still concerned about your well being and how you're feeling. I still aim to make you laugh and smile every chance I got. I still dropped anything to help you. I still tell the truth. I still put my bad feelings aside so they don't hurt you. And regardless of anything I through I never falter. I try every day to be the best flawed person I can be and if you can't see that then there's nothing I can do but say I'm sorry. My flaws made me unloveable in your eyes, were your flaws made me love you more.

[Antagone]

I'm sorry you're going through this. Heartbreak is such a terrible experience.

But like you said, love can be an addiction too; it covers up feelings and makes you feel like everything's fine when it's not. It sounds like you bent over backwards to make this person happy without thinking about yourself.

So be kind to yourself. Distract yourself to stop your thoughts from racing. Consider whether you need to start treatment.

Focus on treating yourself the way you treated your ex--you are just as deserving of love and respect as they are.

💜

[penguins123]

I hope you feel better soon.Try to focus on external things: nature, helping others, exercise, etc.

[Fearoffear]

You need to go back and everywhere you put I'm sorry put I'm not sorry and reread that. You don't have to apologize to anyone for your feelings, they are yours and not a fault. I'm not sorry I feel anxious about relationships. I'm not sorry we see things differently. I'm not sorry you felt you had to walk away. You are an individual with your own thoughts and feelings and someone will come around you can relate to and can relate back to you. When you have to constantly use the words I'm sorry it makes you feel like your feelings and thoughts are wrong and they are not. We don't always have the situation we want but that just means we get to look at what we do want and plan for that accordingly. I hope you continue to be you the true you and someone special will see that and give you that little smile to put a skip in your step and an extra thump in your heart. Good luck and gentle hugs 🤗🤗

[Isinatra]

We all have flaws. We’re all a work in progress. Key word, progress. Sometimes we need help in that journey. Do you have anyone to help you?❤️🍊