This is too hard

Between my conservative family and my own self what my true sexuality is has been a yogic spiritual journey and compulsion. The need to know what my sexuality is 100% accurately so that i can utilize the knowledge to the benefit of my family (hence be with the traditional opposite sex) has been a 5 year headache. Not to say that when I get tired of it and decide to go the complete other route of welcoming same sex experiences I feel like I am letting the materialistic realm get to me if that makes sense. I am not so sure anymore if there is a one way answer and that will be problematic for my situation. I feel like enlightenment is a huge load of pressure and work on me bestowed by my yoga master. Not achieving the expectations is disappointing and I feel like i am missing out on true connection with life. I don't know honestly I wish I could fast forward my life 6 months from now cause I feel like I am on a testing period. This really sucks that is the nicest way I can put it.

[Abdul88]

Hang in there you made it this far it shows that you are strong person and hope everything works out