Hello All, I just joined this forum tonight. Please feel free to read my bio on my page. I’m 38 years old with severe abandonment and trust issues that stem from my childhood. I am in the very beginning stages of working one on one with a psychologist to try and help me heal & recover from the pain I have carried my whole life. I don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel yet. I isolate myself from having true meaningful relationships to prevent the heartache I felt as a child, even friendships because in my mind people let you down so what’s the point of allowing anyone in. An old therapist told me once it’s a defense mechanism I developed as a young girl to protect my heart and my feelings. I push people away that I love so dearly and would go to the end of the universe for and back again but because I allow my abandonment and trust issues to interfere with everything I usually make someone so angry with me that they become fed up and want nothing to do with me anymore. As I write this I am in tears because once again I pushed someone away from me that was so good to me, that would do anything for me but as always, the abandonment and severe trust issues I have block me from being able to truly appreciate these things and I just can’t let my defensiveness go away and put the wall down when I know they are on my team. It almost feels as if I intentionally and unconsciously try to push people away that say they love me to try and prevent pain later on down the road. I stay busy with work to try and not think about all of this pain I carry but it’s gotten to a point where it has taken over almost every aspect of my life. Please if there’s anyone who can provide a glimmer of hope or can understand where I am coming from and provide any insight I am all ears. I just want peace in my life and I don’t know how to embrace it from within.
Yours truly,
Tryingtofindpeace
Written by
tryingtofindpeace
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Hi tryingtofindpeace, it is a defense mechanism that keeps you from getting close to anyone. Unfortunately, it is also a path to loneliness and just existing. This is not an unusual
trait with those who have been physically or emotionally abused as a child. Feeling abandonment and not worthy of someone's love is just a part of the symptoms. Putting up a wall to keep from being hurt keeps you from ever letting someone in.
This issue can't be swept under the carpet. It must be addressed by a professional who can help break down that wall, brick by brick. You need to heal as well before trusting again.
You need to learn to love yourself because you are beautiful person who deserves happiness. Don't allow this hurt to destroy the rest of your life. Have you ever tried
hypnotherapy? It can help get to the core of your hurt from deep within as well as find a
place in your mind where this memory can be destroyed forever. I'm glad you are here with us. Keep sharing your story, there are many like you on this forum. You are not alone xx
Thank you for the feedback, truly appreciate it. I am going to look into hypnotherapy and see what’s that about. I am willing to do anything at this point. Today is a new day. Thank you for making me feel welcome here. Have a great day!
You’re not the only one. I know how you feel and I understand. You WILL find light at the end of the tunnel. I’ve found it before and I’m motivated to find it again. Things will be okay, it takes time.
Hi and welcome to this amazing site. Your problem sound very familiar. Apparently things we experience as children affects us greatly when we old. I used to think that my past is in the past. I am not going to tell u about me but our parents don't realize the damage they inflict on us when we young thinking, "oh no, she is just a child, she will get over it". We never do, in fact what they do, say, we take as the way how things should be in the future. I am dealing with many people who are like me who are still stuck in the past. The past is so powerful that the brain seems to see it only. I sit and wonder this mystery of the brain. It keeps what it wants, and what we need it forgets. I am sorry for your upbringing, I know it caused abundonment issues. I take it ur father was not around. Fathers don't realize that when they are not in our lives at young age they kill us. We women need our daddy so bad that the way they treat us is how we expect from our significant other when we are full grown women. Yes young boys needs them as well to instill the values of fatherhood. When they are not around, we never let anyone in or trust anyone bcz we think that they will leave us as well and relationships suffer. Someone once said if you are cognizant of something, it does not affect but that is not true. What I do know is that, it is easier to detect where that is coming from. What you need is someone who you trust very much who will be honest with your even when you are angry and tell you when that past is affecting ur ralationship and friendships. I am happy however that you are seeing a therapist who will help you with a different t perspective. Hope you can also get a positive book to help fast track your progress but obviously ur therapist must be in support of that. We are here for and you will be fine, just dont rush the work, take it slowly. It took years of childhood and teen hood of adopting abundonment and trust issues, it will take equally many years to take those issues out.
It is very tough. A day after I made this post the person I spoke about in my OP came back into my life. Only I’m still not sure if it’s right. I feel like I am stuck at a crossroad and don’t know which way to turn. I love this person so much and to even think about losing them will put me into a state of lingering depression. However my abandonment and trust issues are so bad that any time I see this person talking to friends and family on social media I become very offended almost to the point of not understanding why they would rather talk with someone else when I am sitting right there next to them. It makes me feel like I don’t matter, almost as if I am not even there and in turn this makes me upset and I become a completely different person almost in a blink of an eye. I could be laughing and joking about something but once I am triggered it’s almost like I shut down. Internally I become angry that I have to share their attention with others. My friend that I love so much notices it instantly and in turn makes them upset and it makes them feel like I am controlling them. I have not yet figured out how to retrain my brain to get out of this unhealthy cycle of thinking. It’s almost like I am sabotaging myself. I feel a lot of the time that they are better off without me because I am not well and I don’t know when I will be. I am too easily triggered and it’s not fair for me to have someone I love so much walk on eggshells or feel like they can’t tell me certain things because they don’t know I will react or what to expect from me. I just can’t or should I say I don’t want to let go.
Mmm, realy this is hurting u. All u are saying is understandable realy. I see that ur biggest problem is trust and controlling emotions. The trust part is work and could take years but the emotions I think getting a positive thinking book will help big time. I realy am sorry u are going thru this I can't imagine the pain of it all. Hope u finally heal
Reading this I definitely saw a lot of myself in what you were saying. I want to start by saying good for you that you are taking the steps to heal yourself! Sometimes the first step to talk to someone, or even write a forum post is what we need to get started. I think that once you start to pick up new behaviors, and new coping mechanisms you will be able to see passed the isolation you feel and start to let people in. In saying that, I’ve always had this issue so it may be easier said than done at first. I still deal with these issues today but being more open with the people I care about helps a lot (but don’t be angry if it takes a while for you to open up to them). It also helps that you’re here talking with us if you can’t get the words together to open up to your loved ones.
Through therapy you’ll be able to get new ways of thinking and new tools to deal with the triggers and anxieties that are kicked up from your past, you’ll literally see the last as different versions of yourSelf as you get better! But, this can be a lifelong battle, and acceptance of self is most important, that’s when you’ll be able to embrace things from within and move past it, get new relationships etc.
I can’t stress enough though, do not get upset with yourself as you heal and you look back on the things you may have said or done to subconsciously push people away. It is common for us to blame ourselves and be mean to ourselves as we look back on who we were but it’s most important to remember that the person who pushed those away was not the real YOU. As you heal and gain insight the most important thing is to take care of yourself and love yourself.
(This is Coming from someone who did not take care of themself and still expected my mental health to get better ..)
Hello trying to find peace. At the worst times in my life I found prayer to be very helpful. Keep working with your therapist and be patient with yourself. Healing always takes time, so don't give up. God loves you and will help you in your journey. I also will be praying for you.
Please don’t beat yourself up. Survival skills are what they say they are, a means to survive. Getting therapy will hopefully help. Say you need at least a year if that is possible. It’s not a cure-all, it just helps you work through your shit.. Self-sabotage can be a manifestation of ‘I’m not good enough’, blowing things up so you have some control... If things stem from childhood then you need to go back there. See it as a journey into self. It will be hard but you are taking control by confronting things. That takes strength. be proud xxxxx
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
xx
I feel like I am the only person with SEVERE panic attacks
I am spiraling, and it’s a bad one.
I feel like I have no one to turn to
Guess I'm not the only one
I know I don’t have to be afraid but I am
