Heartbroken

[Efthimiades]

I'm going through something a bit embarrassing... my 18 year old son has been dating a girl that I have come to love like a daughter, in and out of my home for 2 years, exchanging holiday gifts, I really love her, and they just broke up. My son asked me not to get involved but I REALLY MISS HER!!! FEELS LIKE IM DYING AND MY HEART HAS BEEN RIPPED OUT OF MY CHEST!! any advice would be great. I want to keep in touch with her. Is this appropriate..? Thank you.

[Tidus]

I can see how it feels like y'all broke up in a sense as well so I think what you are feeling is normal but what is not ok is to disregard your son's feelings. If he wants you to stay out I think you should. I had a relationship as such and I never disclosed what happened between me and her until recently and it made my family felt horrible for ever bringing her up after we ended things. I know things were good with y'all but obviously things were not good between her and your son so there is a side you don't know. I am not trying to sound aggressive or mean and invalidating your feelings I am simply saying you don't want to complicate things and what you are feelings is pretty normal when it comes to a breakup.

[Efthimiades in reply to Tidus]

Thank you so very much

[EleanorRose]

I can understand why you’re upset, you’d grown close to this girl and feeling like you do makes perfect sense given how you felt about her.

As someone else said, though, I don’t think staying in contact with her is appropriate. I don’t think it’s helpful to your son, whose asked you not to get involved but equally the ex-girlfriend might feel uncomfortable too if you try to maintain a relationship with her.

If you do decide to stay in touch with her, I think it needs to be with your son’s full knowledge and consent.

It’s sad and I can understand your feelings but I think you’ve got to work through those feelings rather than trying to stay in contact.

[Efthimiades in reply to EleanorRose]

Thank you so very much

[hypercat54]

I agree you should stay out of your son's business. However I don't think it would be out of order to keep in touch with this girl as she is such a friend. I would leave it a while though until your son has moved on, and obviously meet her when your son isn't around. If you do though tell him as it would be awful to do it behind his back.

[Efthimiades in reply to hypercat54]

Thank you so very much

[mvillarreal]

I'm sorry to hear you're going through this. Unfortunately, I think the most appropriate thing to do would be to avoid contacting her from hereon out. You might need to take some time and space to grieve, as I'm sure your son and his girlfriend are having to do right now. While this loss can be hard, I think giving yourself space to rest, hydrate, and process for the sake of your own mental health is the best thing to do at this point. If it's really hard to move past after awhile or is keeping you from functioning, grief counseling might be the next step. Wishing you well on your journey of grief!

[Efthimiades in reply to mvillarreal]

Thank you so very much

[Efthimiades]

I'm so appreciative for all your comments, thank you all so much

[Itzallgood1]

I had started to write yesterday on here and the page got shorten and scrambled. I had disagreed with the way the son handled it. So I'm guessing from now on when he stops friending his friends he has the right to tell his mother not to be friends with them anymore? I'm way wrong because she is an adult and she can be friends with anyone she wants. The son acted poorly in his comments to his mother. Disrespectful. Was this gal from the neighborhood? Is the mother friends with the parents? We don't know the full story. Why does mom have to listen to the son? I may get flack for this but tell me why she should avoid her? I think her son was in the wrong here.