Hi, I am new to this site and just looking to find mutual support. I have been dealing with MDD for about 10 years and have just got back home this week after a ten day stay at a mental facility because of a suicide attempt. I live in north Texas and so we are currently dealing with quite a bit right now with the insane weather and utilities issues, but luckily our house still has power and clean water. I'm hoping we can hold out through this.
I should be going to a partial-hospitalization program currently but because of road conditions and power outages it has all moved online to Zoom calls. This isn't ideal, but it's something at least. I'm finding it hard to structure my life right now and figure out where I'm heading though.
I'm a husband, and a father of an almost-4-year-old. My wife works from home, and my daughter is here at home with us this week as well. It has been a challenge trying to wrangle my daughter sometimes and keep her entertained while also keeping myself sane. I thrive on structure, so all of this up-in-the-air time is hard for me to deal with. Just needed to get all that out there somewhere and I hope I can find people with similar situations and/or backgrounds to communicate with.
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jdaylett
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Very sorry to hear that you tried to take your own life and obvs, thankfully, it wasn't meant to be , I tried that in 2019 , I am now resolved to never try that again due to my family being so upset , have you got the same resolve or if not what conclusion have you come to ?
Thank you. This was my 5th attempt in the last 7 years or so. Second attempt since having a kid. I think this time was the closest I was to actually dying as I had majorly overdosed. After hospitalization and some med stabilisation I have realized that I need to take a more proactive role in my recovery and mental health maintenance, and I have to do it for myself. I need to find better ways to cope with life and love myself unconditionally. Thank you for the reply.
Just came across your message here. So sorry to hear you have been going through the wars recently. Not much fun for anyone to feel as you do. How great that you have a lovely wife and daughter. In order to be there for them you need firstly to BE THERE FOR YOURSELF and SHOW YOURSELF a little more KINDNESS and UNDERSTANDING. FORGIVE YOURSELF that you don`t always feel you can be the perfect husband or father. What is perfect? Is anyone perfect? You are DOING YOUR BEST and this is ENOUGH. Don`t be afraid to get help when you need it. Don`t be afraid to TALK TO OTHERS when you feel out of sorts. Life is like a roller coaster with its ups and its downs along the way. We are learning about life all of the time. We wonder how we will manage but we do. You aren`t alone in your suffering and YOU ARE MUCH STRONGER THAN YOU KNOW. How great that you reached out to this site. It will help you heal. Realise that others are always ready to listen. We are only one click away. God bless you. You are here for a reason. BELIEVE . We are all here for a REASON x.
Thank you so much, all so true. I am especially hard on myself when I feel like I can't cope with everyday life and tend to try to absorb everything that gets thrown my way, which of course leads to poor mental health choices. I'm glad I found this community and I am going to be more proactive about my mental health this time around. Not just for my family, but for my own happiness.
I am honestly the same way. I take on everything that gets thrown at me and give too much of myself, often leaving me feel so empty and drained. Luckily you have a family who loves you and wants to see you do well. Often times it’s hard to see what there is worth living for, but love is truly all around us. The way the snow falls, the way the sun rises. Ambiguity is hard for people like us who love structure. I’m figuring out where to live after a breakup and figuring out my career as well. I have no structure. The ambiguity is hard but the only thing you can do is exist in the present. The past and the future are all imaginary.
Yeah. I'm trying to do that while getting insight into what keeps messing me up. Also doing some things I like when I can. I'm so tired now yet encouraged.
This is so true. I'm so exhausted at times. Its a struggle to do basic things and even simple decisions I can really struggle with and seem frozen. I'm thinking of my family though and how I might best be able to help and helping myself too. I'm focusing on self care now and trying to do the best that I can.
Hi again Jdaylett. One small step at a time is all it takes. Do allow for some setbacks yet always know you are ENOUGH. Good enough. You know I came across a wall hanging earlier this week. It told of how to` DISCOVER JOY in even the SMALLEST of THINGS`. It then reminded me of a gift someone gave me for Christmas. It was a Gratefulness Journal. In fact it was a year`s journal and for each night I am to write down 3 daily things for which I am truly grateful. Of course I have gotten a little behind on this as I have done with most New Year`s resolutions! But yes if we could all just stop for a moment every now and then and just think about WHAT WE DO HAVE rather than what we don`t our lives can be that much brighter. ACCEPTANCE can be a great healer I have found. One thing I am grateful for each day is hearing the birds chirping away outside. They sound so carefree and they make me smile and forget about the troubles in this world. Look at the other animals around. A cat or dog doesn`t for one minute care what anyone thinks of it. It is more concerned if it will get food that day. They say we can learn such a lot from the animal world and maybe we can. Just a few thoughts to think about. Take care friend x
I’m sorry to hear what happened. You know your life has a purpose if it didn’t work after many times. Your child needs you and so does your wife. Please don’t make a permanent decision to a temporary situation or feeling. You were given this battle to show others that it’s possible to get through.
You have our support on here and we care for you ❤️
Don’t show your kid that that’s a good thing to do. Be a role model for your wife and kid ❤️ they look up to you
I am very sorry you have had to go through that. To hear that you have a family, this is sad and painful. I see that you have a child also who need you and expect so much from you. I am happy however bcz u have sought for help. We are here for you for support. Welcome again
Welcome to our group. You’ve been through so much and yet from your post you seem grounded. You wouldn’t have reached out to this community if you weren’t committed to living on some level. In terms of this group we are mutually committed. We can be a support to you and you can be a support for you. And on a much higher level the same is true of you and your beautiful family. But in both cases you are needed here in this life. This song lyric applies to you:
You see it’s all clear. You were meant to be here. From the beginning.
Looking forward to your presence and your posts......
Hi this is Shnookie. This is the first time I’ve been on this site. I’m bipolar ADHD and have known a number of people whoHave committed or have attempted to commit suicide. I’m so sorry 😐 U R going thru this. Have U tried using the services of the Suicide Prevention Hotline. U said that U need structure in your life. Do U ever write journals about your thoughts or perhaps organize your thoughts. I will always be here 4 U. I know the terrible pain of losing someone close to me to Suicide.
Though going Virtual is definitely harder than being in person U really should follow this therapy. U have a loving family and this should be an impetus for U to go on. But I do know that there is a dark side there as well. Keep on your program. People on this site love and support U.
I’m here 4 U hugs 🤗 or as we say in Spanish
Abrazos and Besos - jhugs and kisses
Shnookie
I just saw your post and as I read it, I saw how much your story is like mine. I also deal with MDD and have to say that dealing with this is horrible. I've also been in a partial hospitalization program. I'm so sorry to hear about what you're going through. I see that you have a family that, I'm sure, will be heartbroken if anything happened to you. If you ever feel like you need someone to talk to, you need to vent, you need support, you want to celebrate the successes in your life, whatever, we are here for you!
Hi. I think that I can help. Keep in mind that these are suggestions . In the morning after breakfast have table time .This would be putting together puzzles legos or coloring. (Develops fine motor skills) About 45 minutes. Take a pillowcase and put 6 to 12 items in it. Soft and hard. Ex. Sponge washcloth tissue peanuts(if theres no nut allergies) keys tube of toothpaste (you get the idea) After table time you can share circle time together. This is your childs interactive educational time with you. Sit down with your daughter on the carpet or in chairs across from each other. Have her close her eyes and pick something out of the pillowcase and guess what it is. Ask if its hard or soft. Make a row for soft items and a row for hard items. Put a piece of paper with soft on it and hard on a separate piece of paper.(letter recognition) As your daughter takes each item out do the same. You could tell her i am going to try it too and close your eyes and take out an item and identify it. Afterwards you can count together or let her do it by herself and see how many soft items there are and how many hard items. Which one has more? On a separate paper have numbers 1-10 written on it. Can you show the number? Ask about the weather. Is it hot warm cold? Is it sunny or cloudy or clear skies? What season is it? Do you have your boots? At this time you can go outside to play a little while and make a snowman with your daughter or if you choose not to then you can have a bowl with some snow in it or just water and a few toys in it. (Creative free play) Blocks can be open too and books and an area for drawing kitchen items for kids and her doll or teddy bear can be included in free play too. (Forgot to mention that after about 1 and a half hours to 2 at the most take a break and have snack time. This is a perfect time for you to listen and talk with your daughter. I do not know what books you have at home or if you have an Amazon Kindle or not. Pick out a book on something for winter or if I may make a suggestion Snowballs by Lois Ehlert is a great book or In the Woods by Robert Frost or In the Snow by Sharon Phillips or Cleo in the Snow (cat on a sled) by Stella Blackstone. Depending on which one you pick have an art project to go with the story. Or you can have a sponge cut into a smaller piece and do sponge painting or cut a paper bag into the size of a paint brush yet bigger so you can roll it or fold it into a brush and tape it. Do you have paint or food coloring or koolaid to use? Add a little salt to it for texture and your daughter can make her own winter scene after you read the story. You can use a paper plate or cut out a paper bag into a rectangle if you don't have construction paper or leave a paper lunch bag closed and afterwards stuff it to make a 3 D art project. Or do two and add yarn or string and tie it to a hanger for a mobile art project. Somewhere in there use your discretion for lunch. There should be a rest time in the afternoon too. Its up to you whether you want it to be 45 minutes or an hour. (Young children need rest and or time to reflect) Upon waking up rest room and then snack time. Then free play for 45 minutes to an hour . I can share more things if you need it. I think tablets are used more too so please take what I said as a guide. Take care. If I can help you any further or if you have any questions I will do my best to try and help you.
I also have MDD. It has been 30 years since my initial diagnosis. I have my good days and bad days. My brother is in Haslet, so I know what TX is going through. He lost power and water for 3 days. His wife, little girl and 2 of the 4 dogs went to family, while he stayed home overnight with their two mastiffs and to keep an eye on the water pipes.
If you need structure then let's create some structure...as much as is possible with a 4 year old at home. Get a poster board or paper or whiteboard or something. Get some paper and cut it into strips or squares. 4 year old's needs are non-negotiable, so start with those. Just list everything first, sort later. Now list the things you need and want to do in a day, including meals, hobbies, and self-care. If your wife has things to add, then add them. Now sort them into 3 columns for each person. Identify approximately how much time you will need for each. If you have family or friends near-by who you have seen through COVID, ask them to take the baby for a few hours once a week.
On the bigger sheet, you can either tape them on or rewrite them. Timeline, baby girl, you, wife. Color code them if you wish. Depending on the surface the page will go on, get magnet circles or little stickie note tabs. Include your daughter in marking things as they get done. Don't worry if things get off track. There will be days when a walk to the park takes longer.
As you see things being marked off, your sense of structure is met. Your sense of accomplishment and control over your world will build your self-esteem. Drink water. Eat healthy. Right now, you may have to focus on success for the sake of your little girl. Eventually, turn it into success for your family and success for you.
For every negative thought, look around you and find something to be grateful for. Call it out. No matter how big or small. Let them cancel each other out.
2020 sucked for all of us. I spent most of it (and it will be most of 2021) recovering from a major car accident. I am probably much older than you, but when I was young, my attempts were more in the form of especially reckless behaviors. I did not matter to the world. I did not matter to me. Over time, my stubbornness kept pushing me forward. I hate losing.
I have seen therapists on and off for a long time. Recently I added a career specialist and a life coach. The therapist moved to online, the life coach will stay online, the career coach will alternate. Invite people in to help you. our MDD world is so much bigger than I ever expected. I kept looking until I found the right people to help me through it.
I wonder if you're in mental health services. I know you mentioned the partial hospitalization. That program is good but time limited so perhaps you could start looking around for a regular therapist if you don't have one. If cost is an issue, there are ways to get around that with sliding scales from community services and colleges.
I lived many, many years with suicidal ideation and self injury. One thing that helped me was knowing that children of people who have completed suicide have a huge chance of doing the very same thing. These children deal with a lot of negative feelings about themselves when they lose a parent to suicide. Why didn't my parent love me enough to stay alive?
Was it my fault? I must be bad, etc. It's heart breaking.
I didn't want to inflict upon my child, the same injuries that were inflicted on me. Depression, self-loathing, guilt, low self esteem and more. The suicide of a parent is devastating on family and friends but mostly on their children.
so. I'm very sorry you are suffering. I know it first hand but there are other ways to get through this horrid depression. There is a lot of help. Nobody can give you answers but they will act as your guide to you finding your way to be in this world. There is always the option for mood stabilizing medications. they have some side effects but those can be addressed as they crop up. Some go away on their own. In the mean time, you can live a better life. Learn to find, acknowledge and appreciate who you are at your core. If you're still trying suicide, i would say you still don't know and that you are likely buying into what others told you about yourself when you were much younger. We tend to carry that kind of negativity with us. When we can't stand it anymore, we either exit OR we plant our feet firmly in life and pursue healing. Find your hope. It's there. If i can see it and I haven't even met you, then you can see it if you keep letting yourself hear your own voice say it is so. You wrote on this blog to get comfort and help. Excellent start. Most excellent!
Start giving yourself credit today. Right now. Tell yourself you're doing the best you can at this moment. Forgive yourself if you've made some mistakes and remember that making mistakes is how we learn. Tell yourself that you're learning because it IS the truth. Say it out loud because it is the truth. Eventually, you will feel it at your core. It will be a part of your truth.
Keep on writing for support and while you do, please be proactive in your recovery. According to Mary Ellen Copeland , the 5 Key Concepts of Recovery are
Hope, Personal Responsibility, Education, Self-Advocacy, and Support.
You really can do this. I know you are hurting. Don't give up. The play isn't over.
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