Anyone to talk to about attempted suicide

[Bella2562]

I'm trying to find someone to talk to about attempted suicide. I spent 8 days in the psych unit at a local hospital and I keep thinking I'm getting better but the dark thoughts keep coming back. I have good days and bad days. I'm still isolating. 3 days after I returned home from the hospital I was terminated from my job so now I'm searching for a job on top of trying to deal with my depression, anxiety and PTSD. Is there anyone who may be suffering with the same issues?

[Maggiemilo]

I have not attempted suicide, but I constant, suicidal thoughts. I too have severe depression and PTSD. My doctor ordered me off of work for two weeks. I am supposed to be going back in a few days, but it’s a very solitary, isolating job, and I’m scared to death. I had a previous bout of the same in 2016 after traumatic events, and an initial in 2006. This is hell on earth!

[lillyofthevalley37]

Hi Bella I am guessing you are in the depressive phase of bipolar after having a manic episode ? You can at least hold onto the fact thst this will pass? Hold on and just let the feelings wash over you, don't despair if you think you are getting better then you feel bad again just accept it as part of recovery , it's going to take time to get over this .

[Starrlight]

❤️

[Hidden]

I've attempted suicide twice in the past. I think it's important to try to improve your life if you can. I'm very sorry you lost your job. These are rough times for sure. Try to hold on to people you have good relationships with, and try to do activities that make you feel useful and do things to make yourself feel better. That's the best I can say.

[Bella2562 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you, you reply brought tears to my eyes. I am trying, I have 2 outpatient therapists who I trust completely and my family is helping me try to help me get back to a normal life. Being terminated 3 days after leaving the hospital set me back and I felt useless, worthless and guilty but I'm trying to come to terms and looking for a new job everyday. The thoughts are still there, they haunt me constantly, especially at night when everyone is sleeping but I'm trying to fight them. Thank you for your words of encouragement. <3

[Hidden in reply to Bella2562]

I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to say something to bring you to tears, I've got a lot of problems myself. Please forgive me, I was trying to be helpful and I guess that just came out wrong.

[Bella2562 in reply to Hidden]

It wasn't wrong, it was touching. <3

[jcochran001]

I want to commit suicide but don't want to hurt my family. any thoughts on how do this and make it like an accident

Love sad John

[Maggiemilo in reply to jcochran001]

As much as I understand your dark thoughts, as I too think about suicide daily, and it seems like the only way out, hold on, and remember your family! I know the pain is immense and unbearable, but continue to try! I am here for you too w/ love and understanding! 🙏❤️

[Bella2562 in reply to Maggiemilo]

Suicide feels like to the only way to find peace in my life. Laying in be, as I was taking the pills one at a time, all I could think about was how wonderful it would be to just drift off to sleep and never have to worry about anything again. The only thing that held me back were my thoughts of my daughter. The thoughts of her living with the stigma of her Mother committing suicide. Living with that for the rest of her life, not understanding why because if you don't suffer from depression, you'll never understand what we go through, how painful and paralyzing it can be. My husband took me to the hospital where they have a Psychiatric wing. After 8 days they felt I had come far enough to go home I disagreed. My daughter told me when I came home she would be lost without me and it broke my heart but my brain doesn't compute right. I love her and don't want to leave her yet the thoughts are still there, the darkness is still there. The meds help but obviously not enough. She always looks so scared, checks on me constantly and I tell her not to worry but I worry that one night the darkness, that black hole, will consume me and I won't be able to stop this time.

[Whiskers16 in reply to Bella2562]

This is exactly how I feel. The fear I feel every day from the moment I wake up is just torture. Today is particularly bad I am anxious about everything even trying to make a cup of tea. This isn’t a life it’s hell.

But like you I have a daughter, what will it do to her.

I feel such a failure, lovely people on here suggest help but although I try my mind is saying it’s a waste of time it won’t help and give up.

Please help I’m desperate every day the idea of ending my life is getting stronger

[Hidden in reply to Bella2562]

I know this is an older post but I can relate to every single word you said. My wonderful family would be destroyed if I left but it is getting harder by the day to stay. I hope you are doing ok. I should be in a hospital but fear I would never get out plus what can they really do but adjust medication?

[chronicchaos in reply to jcochran001]

Sad John, your post caught my attention. My thoughts are don't do it. I tried twice and failed, and it's followed me ever since. It wasn't worth it, not given how it worked out. I hope you find another way, there are people here willing to listen and be there. That's one thing I can do - listen.

[jcochran001 in reply to chronicchaos]

Thank you Chronicchaos. You've made me feel better

[Hidden]

Hi Bella,

Your story is something that I relate to. I've had a few attempts throughout my life, and deal with the thoughts of ending my life daily along with the knowledge that my baseline is that I don't want to be alive because I never wanted to be alive. I've been hospitalized a few times, and have had to deal with the struggles that come with it. Here any time you want to chat. Please feel free to send a message. You have a lot of support here.

[Bella2562 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you. I've tried more than once too but this was the first time I was hospitalized. Getting up everyday is a struggle. I constantly wonder why I am alive? My biological mother handed me over at birth to my grandparents (her Mother and step father) who adopted and raised me. Two years later she had my sister and kept her. I have 3 siblings I barely have a relationship with and the question that is constantly on my mind is WHY? Why give birth to a child and then give it away? Did the 9 months she carried me mean nothing? I grew up feeling like a throw away. My grandparents were wonderful to me and truly loved me but my grandfather died when I was 8 and that is when the darkness found me. I began isolating, wondering why he left me, having intrusive thoughts, even of suicide. I wondered why my biological mother didn't want me and it only got worse as I got older. No one would answer that question truthfully. I still live with that question but there is no one left alive to answer it. The pain and darkness are real and the desire to just leave this earth is real. This site was recommended to me by one of my therapists. It's nice to have people to understand depression and anxiety and the dark feelings that lay waiting to get a hold of you. I may be walking underwater right now but I'm trying to reach the surface so I can finally breathe. Thank you <3