Depressed

[Wannabehappy]

I’m so depressed. I sleep as late as I can and can’t wait to go back to sleep to end the day. I go to work responsibly and put on a good acting face and no one knows what’s going on inside me. My doctor has me on antidepressants and a pill to help me sleep because I have nightmares. What do I do?

[Hidden]

I understand this and empathise with you. Do you know if there is a reason for your depression?

[Wannabehappy in reply to Hidden]

I’ve had a lot of bad things happen in my life. A mother who always made me feel worthless, rape, suicide, not feeling worthy of love and pushing it away. I hate to play the victim but there’s so many things that contribute to it. Thank you for replying. Sometimes ya just need someone to hear you and vent to.

[Hidden in reply to Wannabehappy]

You are not playing the victim. Those are horrible things to have happened and I fully understand. I’ve had experience of all of those except it was my dad who made me feel worthless. Sometimes we just need someone to listen, so if you want to talk you can always pm me.

[Wannabehappy in reply to Hidden]

Thank you!

[Rain72 in reply to Wannabehappy]

It adds up ... I hear you. I don’t know where to put it. Sometimes I wish I had amnesia so I could experience the world without all the abuse and stuff in my past.

[JPMcG]

I’m not the same, but similar. Mostly though anxious and depressive, really manic. You ask, what do I do? Well tell ya what I do. My telework demands are making it impossible for me to achieve anything with out having to do with work. I now have anxiety about turning on my own computer. Kinda ridiculous, but really, I do. However, the only thing that keeps me going, is going. Literally my morning routine of exercise is the only time I feel normal, like no anxiety. It’s difficult at times because of the car culture when as a pedestrian, I run the risk of being creamed by a ragaholic on their way to god knows where in a hurry. But I just smile, and believe in taking back our streets. The days are getting longer as the sun rises earlier, so I am doing my best to rise with the sun and get my morning cardio done. It’s funny actually to see how deranged the people are rushing here there everywhere, with such important duties and lives. We really do think so highly of ourselves.

[JPMcG in reply to JPMcG]

So try a cardio routine in the morning before putting on your happy face. It may make a difference. Also, try a soothing lavender bath at night, or some calming herbal tea chamomile, or skullcap, any thing soothing. Be well.

[Hidden]

How are u there

I saw the reason for ur depression. I am sorry so many bad things have happened to u. Let me be honest wt u, the series of things that happened to u by nature will bring about depression. What do I mean? If I hd a daughter who's gone thru what I've been thru, I will prepare for depression because there are things the heart can not take. Ur burdens are too heavy for ur heart. U need help surviving. I hope u are seeing a therapist, on meds and have support. We will definitely be there for u 4 fo support but you also need a professional. I don't know the relationship wt ur mother but if it has become better, sit down with her n explain ur situation, it will help u as well. I need u to remember as well dt u are not playing a victim, u are expected to feel like this and are justified. We are hear 4 u. I had an aunt who went through what u went through but had never told anyone. She told her kids just days before she passed on yet had never told a single soul for years. We would see her drunk everyday and we though she was just a drunkard. Not even a single day would she be sober. It was when she had passed that I realized it was stress of what happened to her when she was still young. She felt her parents were not there for her. Her children who are now old told us this after her funeral. I am telling u this because I want u to understand that that much pain can not be good for your heart, it will be too heavy and u will get to a point where u don't want to feel anymore u will want to be num to the pain that u might end up taking things that are not good to ease the pain. You will have to find a copying mechanism before it finds u. What I mean is that if u don't name ur copying mechanism, one will come eventually but might not be good for u, so it is best to find one before one finds u. All in all we are here for u.

[Julie_Green]

Medications take time. be patient with yourself and your body. I admire you for working. My insomnia and anxiety was so bad I had to take time off work. Stay Strong

[SeekingPeace1]

I know how you feel. I went through the same thing too - but I couldn't take it. You are brave and strong to be working.

Are you getting counselling / psychotherapy to try and resolve the trauma you've been through?

I too had a lot of trauma in life which caused my anxiety and depression and now have been on medication for a long time. I'm trying to force myself to do various activities and see if I can generate some interest in them. I hope you feel better enough to enroll in some interesting activities.

[Crich1982]

I definitely feel you Wannabehappy. My doctor took me out of work Oct. 2020 and just extended my leave until the end of April. I’m glad you’re hanging in there with work. I’ve tried a few remote jobs trying to find a good fit. Nothing so far. I’m burnt out at my FT job, my boyfriend of 8+ years has yet to propose though we’ve openly talked about it and agreed we want to get married many times. I’ve been in treatment since 2009 (meds & counseling) but I’ve never told my parents. I feel so guilty avoiding them when I’m having a harder time than usual. They’re in their 70s and we all know how precious life is in these times. I worry if I’m a good mom All. The. Time. And never feel like I’m doing enough. My bro and I live together and we’re the closest of my siblings. I don’t even want to talk to him. I impulsively got a dog over the weekend and have questioned my decision every second since picking her up. She’s a sweetheart but a lot of work. Feel like I can’t take care of myself let alone other living creatures smh. I’m sorry for rambling. Anywho, please know you’re not alone and that you don’t have to struggle alone when you’ve got us here. I try to remind myself everyday is different and tomorrow is another chance to try again. And count the little successes too. I took a shower today, oh yeah! I got out of bed before noon today, awesome! I ate a decent meal today instead of junk, sweet! Take care of yourself and hang in there; however that may look for you 💕💕

[Rain72]

Oh, Wanna, I hear you. I’m so sorry you’re having such a tough go of it. ☹️ How long have you been on the medication? Nightmares ... Are you trying to cope with a trauma? Are you talking to a therapist? Sending you good vibes ...