Abandonment

[Starpeak]

I'm always scared of my friends leaving me.

I always thought I could deal with things alone- but it's so hard. I have new friends, better friends. I know they're genuine since they always invite me to talk. I shouldn't be so scared, but I did learn they have other friends too.

I'm the only one who isn't part of that other side.

I never cared at first, but suddenly I've been thinking about the fact that they might leave or get bored of me. That they can easily leave me because they have others.

I'm always happy to l listen to their funny stories of them pranking each other and playing games. I like hearing them talk about it. But I never told them how left out I feel.

I said one day, a day after we met and after they told me about their other group of friends: "Can I meet them?"

One said "No."

I didn't know why, but then she explained that she invited someone the others didn't know well in the past, and they didn't accept it the right way.

I did not ask for details, really.

I always wake up, feeling happy to talk to them, but suddenly wondering if they're happy to talk to me. Then I just feel bad I thought of them that way.

I'm so glad they make me happy, but why do I feel like them making me happy is a problem? Why do I feel like happiness only makes me feel worse when I don't have it?

I never spoke about this to them. I might burden them as I did to my past friends who left me. I knew I was never alone, but I always feel like I am.

I always did my best to be funny, or entertaining so they wouldn't leave.

Sometimes it doesn't really work, sometimes it does.

Right now, I feel like they're slowly losing interest in me.

What is this? Why can't I just enjoy the things I have?

I'm sorry if this isn't that important, I just want to feel better.

[Lennykoivi_]

Just be yourself my friend. If they can't accept who you are as a person then they won't be around you much. They probably don't have the same values and morals as you, and don't think alike or have a mutual mindset. I've lost friends, the best of friends and it sucks. I've had enemies, people talk about me, its terrible but hey, at the end of the day you were born alone and you'll die alone. God bless 🙌

[Hidden]

I know how you feel. I feel this all the time. It made me feel bad about myself because the few people I have to talk to all have a support network and other friends. They have vibrant social lives and I never have. I have always had issues creating a social network of people. Now I fear losing my friends too. I have a very weird situation because of events that happened in my life, suffice it to say that I will most likely lose them because of said events. But I have felt this my whole life. I have always felt like a burden and that I wasn't enough for others. I don't really have advise on this other than to say know why you are valuable and that might reduce this feeling as you will be able to expand your social circle. I am still trying to figure this all out and I am getting nowhere. I am sorry if I am not helpful but I mostly just wanted you to know you are not alone.

[Krakatoa1883 in reply to Hidden]

I agree with Lennykoivi_. Just be yourself. If the others don't like you or make you feel like something is wrong with you, then they are not your friends & not worth your precious time here on earth. Don't waste time worrying about what someone else thinks of you. Don't ruminate. I know just how you feel. I've been there many times. I tend to be an antisocial worrywart, distancing myself from everyone & everything going on. I'm just now (after the last year) beginning to clear my head & come off of some meds that were apparently making me feel worse. It's definitely hard dealing with these issues when you feel all alone. I haven't been social in the last year or so & my husband of 30 years wants to leave me. Leaving me with no support people. So, I'm taking it one day at a time, as should you. Message me to talk any time.

[Hidden]

How are you

It is important to feel loved. Everyone wants to be accepted and loved. In fact when we don't feel that in people, we run away to those who love us. I read your post and I see that you really love and enjoy your friends but it seems your past friends treatment of you affected you more than you think. It is normal to feel like that when we have been abondoned. In fact any person who has had to be abondoned and rejected has that in the back of their minds. So, there is nothing wrong with you. However I wish you can find the group of friends that can love you for who you are. People who will not make you feel like you have to be someone is a true friend. A person who will make you feel like you have to be vulnerable, that is a true friend. Should these ones leave you, I am not saying that they will but if they do,find people who will make you feel comfortable, it is very important. If you want to talk, we are here for you.

[Cath459]

"When one door closes, another one opens." I know this is such a cliche, but it really is true. If someone doesn't want to be your friend then they aren't worth the trouble anyway, but there are always new people to meet, there are people out there who you don't know exist that are meant to be your friend and they will come along, losing one friend just means that your stories were meant to part and you were meant to be written into someone else's. Find people worth putting in your own story.