Grief and loss

[CalicoPurpl90]

Does suffering grief and loss get better with time? What to do you find to be the most effective way to cope with a sudden loss, whatever that may be?

[Agora1]

Loss is handled differently by everyone. When I lost my father suddenly in a home accident, I kept my composure, in the hospital as well as 6 hours later when he died. I did the same at the funeral. When everything was over, the tears started, grief therapy was started and I was told to pull out some photos of my dad and happier times. Each day I would look at them and it helped me realize that loved ones never really leave you. They are always in your heart and in your mind. It still took me a long time in grieving until I could let go.

But the pain of sudden loss has gotten better over time. xx

[Starfish_]

It will get better, it will also come and go. Sudden loss is so difficult because there is that sense of unfinished business, or lack of closure, that is usually more intense. Honestly, as much as it sucks, let yourself feel. Let yourself grieve and know it's okay to feel upset or angry or any other emotion. There is no right or wrong way to grieve. I would bottle up my emotions too much, but you can't start to heal until you face your emotions and accept them. And of course, as agora said, focus on positive memories. I wrote down stories, both about him and the stories he told himself. Write out all your feelings, don't hold back, be brutally honest about how you feel with no judgement. I hope things get better soon

[RoseyViolet]

Sudden loss is HARD!! I think that's a loaded question. It depends upon your personality, support system in place around you and generally how you cope emotionally with other things in your life. For instance, my sister passed away unexpectedly, literally overnight. Fell asleep and didn't wake up. It was a shock at first, then there was disbelief and feeling guilty that I didn't talk to her more before she passed. Then anger that I didn't get more time with her. But in all, it was a very personal journey.

Some things that helped me cope was to process with other family members who loved her like I did as well as journaling my thoughts, conversations I wished I had with her as well as praying that the Lord would soothe my soul over her passing.

Do you have a good support system in place to help you? Have you looked into any grief support groups that may be local or online to help you process through the stages of grief? It truly is a journey and one that has many stages to go through, just don't get stuck in one stage. It's perfectly normal and healthy to grieve and to not feel okay with death and dying. It's okay to not be okay in everyone else's timing.

[Sabio77]

CalicoPurpl90 , it is hard to go thru grief and loss. It is a process that takes time and it is different per individual. there are support groups that help you talk things out that you go thru. even phone sessions so you dont have to see anyone if you dont want to sometimes. also there are books, and online some articles will help you . its best to keep your mind busy on positive productive tasks. be around positive people that are in your best interest.

[pam4him]

First, my condolences on the loss. I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Second, people grieve differently, so I'm not sure what worked for me will work for you. I have to allow myself to grieve, kind of give myself permission that it is okay to miss them, to cry, etc. It tends to come in waves, a little less hard each time. I lost my dad 5 years ago, but sometimes a memory still makes me cry (thanks Facebook!). Crying & missing my dad is not bad, it just means I loved him. But in that 5 years, I've adjusted to life without him. I don't think grief is something we should get over, but rather learn to live without. Take care and allow yourself the space and time to work through the grief. Prayers for peace and strength.

[CalicoPurpl90]

Thank you guys for all of the thoughtful responses. I know I posted a rather open ended question and didn't go into too much detail. Two days ago I had to take my elderly cat to the vet to be euthanized. It was a difficult decision but it was necessary considering the condition she was in. I had just taken her to the vet previously on Monday because she clearly had an upper respiratory infection (sneezing, runny nose, discharge in eyes), and she had also stopped eating for a few days and had lost a significant amount of weight because of that. They prescribed appetite stimulant medications and gave her an antibiotic shot along with running a couple of tests. It was discovered through x rays that a strange mass in her intestines was pushing her intestines completely over in her body to one side as opposed to the intestines being spread out on either side of the body as it should have been. It was the strangest thing and came as a bit of a shock, and they were wanting to do an ultrasound to discover what the mass was. I went ahead and scheduled it, however, her condition did not approve and she refused to eat anything the next day. She had no energy, was very weak and just looked miserable. I knew that she was sick, however the signs were there that she was clearly dying and I don't like seeing animals suffer. That was when I had to call the vet again and take her in to be put down.

It was very hard to do and I felt an overall sense of loss afterwards. She had been with us for 12 years and she was very attached to me. Even now, I still feel her presence in my room even though she isn't actually here. I feel like she's sitting on my bed sleeping or calmly watching me. Her memory will always remain with me no matter what.