Some advice needed in dealing with a depressed parent

[Subshine16]

Hello,

I really need some advice for my mom. She suffers from depression and refuses to get help.

She is not sleeping at night and killing her pain with wine and ciggerettes.

She wakes up late and is not very productive or pro active. Her home not well kept

When we talk she is always smiling and everything is always fine but I know she is crying on the inside.

She tried antidepressants but they made her a zombie. She then stopped them without telling anyone.

I just don't know what else to do or how to approach it without making her feel worse about herself.

Does anyone have some advice for me please!

[Gentlespirit]

Does she have any interests or hobbies? I think she needs hope and love and concern and reassurance in a way her mind will grasp. My daughter sends cards and my son gave me a prayer book and they both visited me in the hospital and i love and cherish them both. Anyway at some point i realize d i need help and need to work on myself more. Be quiet and self reflect face your fears and anxiety do something concrete. I enjoyed photography nature and cats. Now I take pictures. I am starting to read again every few days. I ordered a book. Anyway connect with your mom in a way that says I'm concerned and want to help give you hope because rekindling what she likes or love to do may spark hope in her and hope and love brings about change. I wish u both well

[Subshine16 in reply to Gentlespirit]

Thank you so much for the advice!I really appreciate it

With a Love and light ❤️

[Hidden]

Hi there and welcome! That must be so hard for the both of you. Can you say what you have done so far? You are very sweet for caring so muchSome ideas:

-write her a letter expressing your concerns (how you hate watching her do this to herself, how you want to help but don't know how, etc.). Remember to include how much you love and care about her.

-really sit down with her and talk it out. Be there for her (and let her know that). Make sure to listen to her side of things. I bet you anything that she is just as frustrated (if not more so) as you are.

-let her know that whatever emotions she may have are okay to have. My guess is that she smiles and pretends everything is okay because she feels some degree of guilt and shame for feeling the way she feels. She wants to appear strong for your sake (this might be exacerbated by the fact that she's your mom and is supposed to take care of you).

People who suffer from depression (me and a lot of others on here) are really hurting inside and don't always know the best way of dealing with it. We want to be heard, we want to be validated and we want to know that it's going to be okay. When in a depressive episode an incredible sadness comes over us. This is not your everyday sadness. My dad used to tell me one of the worst possible things you can tell a depressed person: that everyone gets sad at some point in their lives. While this may be true, saying something like this misses the point of what being depressed means. Depression is way deeper than "an everyday sadness". It is hard to describe.

I hope this helps🙂

[Subshine16 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you! This really helps

[Hidden in reply to Subshine16]

Glad to hear it!