Self hate and doubt

[Angelic_halo]

I’ve been dealing with self doubt and self hatred for a while already and I haven’t been feeling much progress with what I’ve been doing, I focus on only negative thoughts and I know I shouldn’t but I do, I expect the worst from situations of nothing and am always living in fear. It’s stopping me from feeling alive and happy and from being in the moment, my significant other notices the muteness inside of me too and I’m terrified i will lose her if I can’t get my mind right. I’ve tried the baby steps thing with embracing small achievements but even then I feel pathetic for it, I feel like a complete mess and am worrying too much, how can I help myself stop worrying so much and how can I focus on positive things instead of negative naturally and not so forcefully? Any response is very appreciated.

[amoeba43]

You could also try out some journaling with the same principle. Anytime you do something positive, track it chronologically

(1. Picked up trash 2. Accepted a compliment without arguing against it, etc. Eventually you can see that number grow and show that objectively there are a lot of positives and that number will grow and grow)

It might take time, too,to learn not to think negativly about the process (to feel pathetic). That's fine. That's exactly what to expect from the process. You are retraining your brain. Over time (and this cod mean a few weeks or a few months because we are all different with different histories) it will become more normalized and draw less of your own negstivr attention. But until then you have to practice those new ways of thinking.

When I do it, i vocalize out loud of I'm by myself. At this point sometimes it's as simple as that, other times I choose to only vocalize the positive and not vocaliZe the negative thoughts. Because that's still me learning that I can choose to indulge one and ignore the other.

Maybe that doesn make sense...

Wishing you all the best and that you find something that works well for you.

[Gentlespirit]

This is really hard and i struggle with some of this too only when trying to do positive i get pulled back into doubting and depression. I cannot recall the poem but the jist of it is to forgive yourself and others for in forgiving we are also forgiven. To reach for the positive and to hope for and believe in things not yet seen. Who do you see when you look in the mirror? Now look again and be compassionate patient kind and gentle with yourself. We each have strenths and weaknesses flaws yet if we can see ourselves as our higher power sees us. You are a wonderful person. Noone is perfect and i see myself as a broken cup pieced together several times yet now I'm trying to rebuild and rediscover myself. Rebuild and rediscover. Consider a therapist or call a warm helpline or a hotline if you need to. There are self help books available too. Have you checked out your local library? You can put books on hold or download ebooks from the library. Its not easy to cope and there may be many setbacks yet when you move forward even a little thats good. I wish you well on your journey of self discovery and healing and of finding your authentic you and shrinking the inner critic and having acceptance and of going through the dark night of the soul and not giving up or giving in. Do you remember the wristbands WWJD? Some things are timeless and comforting. Talk to your higher power. Confide in a therapist you trust. Call a hotline or warm helpline. Continue getting feedback here. Explore hobbies or interests. Take a walk . Talk to a pet. Journal. Have you ever heard the poem "If"By Rudyard Kipling .? Or Desiderata? Music helps too and staying grounded. When your losing yourself do grounding techniques. I hope this will help you. Be gentle and compassionate with yourself. Take care

[Hidden]

Hi there. I have a book suggestion for you. This is a DBT workbook for anxiety and worry. I have this and found it really good to work on.

adlibris.com/no/bok/the-dia...

I hope this helps!

[Nokita_Chan24]

Hello.... am glad that you shared your experience with us .. actually i have also been thru this not once but several times .. i tried a lot to change myself because i was fed up of myself being too much negative thus causing my aura to be repulsive and negative also. I thought for long time to help myself thru myself and for myself. Because no one else would understand what i mean although words were not enough to describe what i really experienced.

Since my childhood i have been experiencing more negative situations than good ones.. and i kept on growing and continuing on registering the negative phases of life. And whenever something bad gonna happen i get the old bad negative feelings. And i wanted to stop that.. along with maturity and being exposed to more negative and down moments in life, I came to a point that i felt jealous of those who didnt have much problem as me and i kept on thinking that i was destined for very short term happiness that would always end up badly.. even if it wasn't meant to happen, i had already visioned that a bad thing would happen.. this is because due to many down moments in life i expected no ups moments. In a way, i was chasing away my happiness, my luck with my negative mind and thoughts.

According to the law of Nature, those who feels gratitude towards what is being given and provided to thyself will receive more of what they have and those who do not feel the power of gratitude will be deprived of what they possess.

I kept on wondering and concluded that it was high time to make way for the entry of joy and positive vibes into my life.

What i tried are as followed and i hope that if you try it will certainly work up your life.

Sit and do nothing

Think bad

Think good

Take a pen note down all bad i wish to change and couldn't

Note down all good i wish to have in life

In a way creating a self assessment brainstorming.

Writing down all qualities i wish to possess.

Writing down all the bad qualities i want to work on

Create my wishlist

By thinking like this , i aspired myself to be my own dream role model. And as days passed by , i gradually worked on them.

For example, i used to be short tempered and whenever i felt the anger is on its way to burst out, i took control over my mind talking to myself and making sure that i listen to myself. I procrastinated that if i do this what will happen and who will be affected .. i kind of fore seen the Situation if i continue to be negative. Then, i stopped myself and say let it be. Forgive the faulty one.let God do his job! If i succeed in doing so, i can be what i want to be thru my thoughts.

Gradually i worked on all the vices i had. Transformed them into positive ones.

It all starts in the mind. You are what your thoughts are. Learn to control your mind. Loving yourself is priority. If you can't love yourself ,you'll never be able to love someone else.

Learn to be thankful for whatever you have.. learn to thank all what you received.. because thru all the negativity i went thru made me strong today and i am sure that i can handle any Situation without having me hurt at the end or having harmed anyone or having regrets.

Whatever you think to do when you are in such a situation evil ideas come first, So do the reverse... stop your negative thoughts.. Think good. If you don't do it you'll never be able to do it.

You need to love your self first to heal yourself.

Gratify yourself for the God who gifted you whatever you have.. thank your organs/ your health/your body/your senses for keeping you alive and in good health till date..

Treat yourself. Feed your self good food.. read your self holy scriptures.. be in company of positive people.. gradually you will create your positive aura and you will distribute endless happiness to all and you will be able to help yourself and needy people.. BECAUSE YOU ARE A BLESSING YOURSELF AND YOU NEED TO REALISE THAT!

Life is so beautiful to be explored..but if we close our eyes we will never be able to experience its beauty.

Open your eyes thru your mind because you need to do it for yourself..

Open your eyes thru your heart because you are awaiting yourself to be happy

You need to work out on yourself.. seek ways to know yourself.. understand yourself. It's ok if you fail repeatedly or do not feel motivated!! What counts is how many times you rise up to stand on your feet again!!.

You need to muster courage and dare to do what tou haven't been able to do since long..

Just focuss on what you aspire to be. Every morning when you wake up ,thank God for allowing you to see another sunrise. Thank your body for having worked so hard .thank your self for coping with your body. Do not reject your self or deprive your self of love you required.

Just want you to know that you are amazing ! You can be what you feel like to be because you have the ability to transform your hate into love for thyself.

Love and positive vibes to you.

I know you will be okay because i feel transformed after believing that i can change myself for good.

Thank you !

[kvolm2016]

Sorry that you are struggling with this. It's not a quick fix but getting to the cause of the negative and anxious thoughts is important. Have you/are you working with a therapist at all?