Who hates putting effort into themsel... - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support

87,597 members82,283 posts

Who hates putting effort into themselves?!

1428SRTYBK profile image
12 Replies

Hello all! Writing this because I find I absolutely hate putting in effort and work when it comes to my own betterment and success. I don’t find it worth it. I don’t find it worth it because seemingly all the effort in the world won’t make me feel any better. I’m wondering what more journaling and labeling my emotions is going to do? I wondering how in an anxiety fit grabbing my yoga mat and heading out for a relaxing little moment outside will help? I’m wondering how no support will somehow equal support someday and how having no friends and continuing to have no friends will somehow equate to this full happy life. I’m struggling to find meaning in life and what to actually do. I find myself thinking about the future and the ultimate struggle that will be. How being the age I am now is meant to be the happiest I’ll ever be yet I am miserable to the core and invisible in a place I’ve lived my entire life. I’m desperately seeking connections I feel are forced and tainted, I find myself putting in efforts that are never seen and ultimately ignored. I find myself absolutely exhausted putting in efforts that are never realized. My 5th year at the same university and I feel regretful, lonely and like I made no friends. I wonder what it wrong with me. I wonder when it’ll get better, and if at that point I’ll even care. I wonder if it is better to seclude completely, drop off and do my own thing. I fear if I do, literally not a single soul will know I exist. I wonder why I can’t be apart of things and I think it’s my fault.

I can’t imagine why it is worth it, I can’t imagine how people do anything. Does anyone know how to motivate yourself and do something?!? Does anyone know how to combat negative thoughts and feeling of suffering/misery/dread/fear?

Written by
1428SRTYBK profile image
1428SRTYBK
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
12 Replies
Sleeplessme profile image
Sleeplessme

A very hard post to reply to. I feel your pain to an extent at least. I'll work like a dog doing something for someone else, even if it's just a favour. But for me? I find it pointless. So doing what I know I should for me? ... I'd rather just clean or tidy the house. Do something practical... I'm at a precipice right now. I've joined this group, I've been given some great advice, and I need to start taking some steps to improve my situation. But I have that screaming urge to not bother, and simply carry on with the mundane tasks of life, mostly for other people. It's kinda like burying your head in the sand and hoping the problem will go away, even though you know it never will.

The magic answer? I have no idea. I'm not sure there is one.

You need to work on what's making you feel this way. You may need to seek help externally, from a doctor, because you probably have something that most of us have. A good psychologist can help you find what's really holding you back really quickly. Alternatively, keep hanging around here and realise you're not alone. Find someone who's ailments sound like yours, something that makes you think wow, that's me, and get chatting

Overall, know for certain that you can turn it around. Because yes, you can!

1428SRTYBK profile image
1428SRTYBK in reply to Sleeplessme

Thank you so much for your encouragement! I guess I just don’t really feel like an adult or an individual, idk how to carry things out or how to manage anything which is stressful for the future. I have a therapist where we talk once a week which is nice because I don’t have that opportunity to talk to people often, but I’d love to turn it around I just feel so incapable😅

Reading_Rando profile image
Reading_Rando

Thanks for sharing this because I feel the same way you do. My biggest struggle is getting myself motivated do things too. I feel like I'm an alien when I see people who are actually motivated.

I dont't have any magic solutions (though I wish I did) but I can share some things that make things better for me. Cognitative Behavioral Therapy (CBT) was really helpful for me and is a really great tool for combating negative thoughts about myself. It didnt make me more motivated but it helped to me stop being hard on myself which did make other things a bit easier.

Do you have anything you really want to do but dont feel motivated to do? I think having some desire or some goal even if you only make tiny baby steps to it can make you feel like your doing something (it makes me feel a little better).

I'm still trying to figure out the motivation thing too but I can promise you as someone who struggles with the same problem that once you start getting negative thoughts under control you will start to feel better.

Lonliness sucks so much but your doing the right thing here trying to reach out to people. If you want a friend on here I'd be happy to talk if you want to DM me. Your definitely not alone.

1428SRTYBK profile image
1428SRTYBK in reply to Reading_Rando

I have heard of CBT therapy but I don’t really know how that works or where to go!It scares me to go to some facility 3 hours 3 times a day where they test you and have you bend over backwards for their program. I also didn’t meet their requirements which was unfortunate, I hope there’s a CBT place that isn’t also an addiction facility😅 I really LOVE doing art but I do get bogged down with life and everything else in the way. I wish I could disappear and just do that but I know that’s not realistic and to deal with the entirety of everything else makes me so unhappy. I hope being more positive can be the answer, I sometimes feel like I can come off as the jolly most positive person in the world and it is still a struggle for people to give me a chance. More so be positive without the expectation of anything, which is hard since loneliness is so unsettling. Feels like a catch 22 I’ll never catch up too!

Anyways, would always love a friend to talk to, what a kind offer. Appreciate you reaching out thank you.

Reading_Rando profile image
Reading_Rando in reply to 1428SRTYBK

I'm glad your sharing your feelings here rather than keeping them bottled up, it makes me feel less alone. Your the first person I've heard of with an issue so similar to mine. CBT is way easier than you think it is. You dont have to go to a facility, you can actually teach yourself. It's pretty much a skill and the therapy is there to teach you that skill. It's harder but you can learn it on your own (I did for the most part). I read a book about it and my therapist helped me come up with ways to implement what I read about.

You'll catch up, just want to add that it's always ok to not always be ok.

hypercat54 profile image
hypercat54

Why don't you have any friends? Are you socially awkward, don't meet new people, don't know how to etc? Would having friends make you feel happier?

1428SRTYBK profile image
1428SRTYBK in reply to hypercat54

HAHA if I knew I would honestly consider addressing it so I can make some. I consider myself to be pretty chatty and warm to people. However I am not consistent hanging out, and I am uncomfortable with certain things, like clubs and drinking. I had friends but them being so mean and exclusive I felt having none would be better. Obviously it’d be nice to have that balance, or people around who build you up and don’t tear you down! Hard to trust where to place my efforts anymore. Having someone that can relate would definitely be nice, idk about happier but way way nicer than not.

live-life profile image
live-life

That is so me too.But my mom says it's not depression.I finally decided I am a happier person by myself.The times when I catch myself really happy is just go humming along in my own world.Funny,right?

1428SRTYBK profile image
1428SRTYBK in reply to live-life

Well your mom sounds like an optimistic lady! Haha I can’t imagine how it wouldn’t be in some shape or form but it sounds like you get a lot of joy keeping to yourself and having your own momentum! Sounds sweet you can enjoy those little moments, very refreshing!

Get parts of this

What u put into ur well

U share eventually

That helps others

Often educating or sharing ur taldnts or interests

I have an 80 years old man no one likes

Yet

I.miss him as we can talk and discuss thj vs

I a valid

Value his to.

Time and company

Everyone ckntfubutes

Directly or indirectly

Often making a bigger djffernce than thdg know

Poorly said

But

I would nog usr tge do I iCal.wkrds self improvement

Leave me and accept me

I get that

But personal dnrichm t

Enrichmndg qualify kf lufe arts music it intersts

Eventually

U give back to u

Is

Us

Forgive me if I'm.ofv

Off

Tskd care

Friend

In honor of all those hefe

Who have helped me

Skko

So much

kvolm2016 profile image
kvolm2016

Seems to me like the point of trying things is to continually be sorting out the things which do add value to life from those which don't add value. And where things land on the do or don't list will be different for every person. Without making an effort I won't know, And when I have made the effort and I do know it adds value then there is some motivation to keep making the effort. When I have made the effort and I discover that it doesn't seem to add value then I don't continue to make the effort expecting that it might yield a different result. Instead, I move on to something else. So you seem to have already determined that the journaling, labeling, yoga, clubs and drinking don't add value. But what are some of the things on your list of what does add value?

JessieV profile image
JessieV

I’m so so sorry you are experiencing this! I struggle with motivation too and sometimes feel very trapped. Probably in different ways but you’re not alone in the feeling and I’m sorry you experience it too!

I don’t know if this will help but when you wonder why it’s worth it to do the self help activities maybe think of it this way: eating one meal doesn’t make a difference. If you just eat one meal and only one meal you will quickly run out of sustenance. But eating that mundane meal day after day keeps you healthy and alive. It doesn’t feel like much in the moment but it’s the combined effect that makes a difference. Same for these activities. They add up.

And to add on to the meal analogy, maybe this time of life is the “vegetable” part of your meal. It’s not fun but the cake is coming! I’ve heard a lot of people saying their mid years (maybe 50s? 60s?) are the best years they’ve had. So don’t buy into the lie that this is as good as it gets! Hang in there!

You may also like...

A+ for effort

today. I'm giving myself an A+ for effort and taking the rest of the day off. Pushing myself just...

I wish people took my illness more seriously. Put just a little bit more effort.

My friends and family really love me. But I just keep feeling that they still don't put the effort...

Does Anyone Else Isolate Themselves?

then my inner voice told me how stupid I am, and not worth being friends with. Yesterday I went...

Hate to get out of bed

worse depression. I feel like I have no one and hate getting out of bed. I don’t feel like eating...

I hate living at home

an adult I’m only 20 I need to enjoy a little ... I feel like a mother of 5😩 the fact that I’m out...