Doubting self and obsessively planning

[anxietyandcats]

I have a real problem with doubting myself. One day I finally make a decision in my life and feel so excited. I feel so sure about it and excited to finally move forward with my life! Then the doubt creeps in and I start researching whatever I’ve chosen obsessively. Then I start comparing it to other things. I make pros and cons lists. And then I’m so confused. I’ve been doing this with my college major so much and I’m so confused. One day I want to do one thing the next another. Because I never trust myself. I never trust my decisions. And at first the planning seems helpful. But I take it too far and obsess and then feel so incredibly anxious. How do you stop this cycle and just stick with your decisions? I can’t take this endless life of not knowing anything and doubting everything I think, say and decide

[dee_bells]

Hi anxietyandcats,

That’s a tough one. Besides not trusting, you don’t believe in yourself. Have you ever trusted yourself? And if so, how and why did that work?

Start with small goals and reaching them. That’s a place to start. So what is the worst thing that can happen if you don’t trust yourself? You’d have to do it all over again, right? Is that so bad? It’s trial and error.

When I went to college I wanted to be a graphic designer but some of the courses had me rewiring computers. Wait, I didn’t sign up for that so I switched my major and received a BS in marketing and I still did graphic design.

If you can recognize you are obsessing, stop yourself and let it go. Give it a try. I believe in you!!🌸🌸🌸🌸

[anxietyandcats in reply to dee_bells]

Yeah I dont think I believe in myself. I’m not very good at trusting myself really. I guess I started trusting myself when I started driving. Before I didn’t trust myself to drive, now I drive.

Yeah it’s not the end of the world to start over. I just feel like life is a race and I’m losing and falling behind and tripping over myself and will be forgotten and left behind. Which I know logically isn’t true, but it’s how I feel.

I’m glad you still got to do graphic design when you switched majors! That’s amazing

I guess my problem is that I don’t realize I’m obsessing until I’m in deep. I need to catch myself earlier.

Thank you so much you’ve been so helpful.

[jesca18]

Wow I do the same thing. I’ve changed my major and took my time in school bc I wasn’t sure what I wanted to do. I graduated and still do not know what I want to do. We need to pick something. Go with and trust your gut. If we find ourselves in the wrong career it’s never too late to make a change. We need to stop allowing fear to paralyze us. Best of luck to you.

[anxietyandcats in reply to jesca18]

Yeah I’m trying to take my degree slower now so I can figure it out. Congrats on graduating! It’s hard to figure out what you want to do. We do need to pick something and trust our guts for sure no more letting fear control us! Best of luck to you as well

[perkofawallflower]

I know I do best when I kind of go with the flow and just look up stuff for s little bit of time. I know it’s not going well when my mind seems obsessed and my head starts to hurt. If I get to that point, I have gone to far and I make myself stop. It’s definitely hard to stop the spiral of obsessively looking stuff up. It seems at the time to provide relief and I convince myself that the more aware and planned I am the better I will be. Now, I identify when I truly need to look something up. Obsessively look up medical symptoms before a doctors appointment is a no no for me because I convince myself I have something dire. Looking up directions for a place I need to go to the next day fine and I leave it at that. Really it’s recognizing what topics make you obsessively plan, identify when you are doing it, and then stopping yourself in the moment. Identifying the behavior is the first step. I take a deep breath and then I reality test what fear I am experiencing to make me feel I need to overplan. Then I step back and distract myself with something else. Maybe go for a walk, go to the gym, watch a movie, listen to music, take a bubble bath or talk to someone I trust.

[Hidden]

You sound like me! I'm constantly changing my career goals. I think a huge part of it is that I doubt myself and don't trust myself either. I know I don't want to be an employee all my life but I have no clue what I want to do with my life. I love to write but freelance writing stresses me out and I hate the "work" that comes with starting a blog.