I keep being told "well she is still your Mother. You need to forgive her"
From what i've learned, Forgiveness comes from a place of healing.
How can wounds heal if it keeps being picked?
How can i forgive, if the same person keeps doing the same things that hurts me so?
Just to be told your hurtful and cold when you refuse contact, when you distance yourself for your own mental health.
Toxic is toxic.
I always have anxiety around Christmas with family that deal with alcohol addiction.
I get it. I was told the same thing about my parents all my life. People don’t get it. I agree... it’s one thing to forgive behaviors that are no longer being repeated, but impossible to forgive someone who does the same things over and over. Take care of yourself in any way you need to, even if that means discontinuing the relationship. It’s really hard, but you come first. Take care Shanm2.
There's a lot of tension going on between me and my family. My parents can be downright cruel. I'm not going no contact only because I'm not in a good place financially, but I'm trying to work on that.
I'm sorry your going through this,
I can imagine it can be more difficult and frustrating with the situation your currently at. But hopefully in the near future, you will be financially stable enough to be able to live the life you want without the cruelty from your parents.
I hope that you keep reminding yourself that you will get to a good place.
Wishing all the best 
Looking for help for family member
Family Member in Denial about Diagnosis 
Toxic people and situations 
What does Toxic person mean?
Can't connect with people, even very close family members
