Give up the fight with anxiety!

[Beevee]

It’s not your thoughts or emotions that keep you suffering. It is your constant struggle and rejection of your current state that does.

Non-acceptance of anxious thoughts and feelings is the same as resisting and the cause of so much extra suffering. You are constantly at war. Not only with anxiety and depression, but with yourselves by trying to push it away, trying to do anything to stop yourselves feeling what you are currently feeling. It’s exhausting and the reason why depression develops. Emotional reserves become drained, the brain loses its elasticity and sufferers can no longer think around a problem but only the problem itself. This struggle prevents the natural healing process to take place whereby the mind and body reverts back to their natural default position of peacefulness.

The “war” is caused by sufferers not wanting to feel it but if you have anxiety, then you have no option but to feel its presence. Nothing you say or do can stop those feelings from being there. There is no method or technique that will make it go away permanently.

If you had flu, there is nothing you can do about it. You feel awful and have no choice but to ride it out and allow it to pass. Gradually, you start to feel better, not by trying to fight it or suppressing the symptoms or worrying about how you feel all day. Googling the symptoms doesn’t help either. In all probability, you would feel more exhausted and take longer to recover. So, fighting the symptoms is counterproductive but this is what most anxiety sufferers do every day and feel complete despair because they don’t understand why they are not feeling any better. They do not seem to realise that they keep themselves from recovering by fighting, instead of accepting how they feel.

When you give up your battle with yourself and allow yourself to fall into any state, your thoughts and emotions will change naturally. You don’t have to do anything. You don’t have to chant positive thoughts or feelings. They return naturally. You can’t force or create a particular state through struggle or will power. This will only create more suffering, physically and mentally.

Much of life’s struggles are caused by a refusal to accept things as they are. The same is true of anxiety and not allowing yourself to feel it all and the cause of so much pain. If anything, it is a lack of understanding which keeps people suffering needlessly.

It doesn’t feel great to experience emotions of anger, fear, irritation, anxiety, sadness or any other negative emotion. However, if you allow yourself to fall into your current state without struggle and resistance, the suffering is less intense.

An attitude of Acceptance allows your mind and body to start the process of healing. You are no longer fighting to feel better or different or trying to avoid the symptoms or suppress them. Your mind and body finally have the time and space to heal themselves, in just the same way you recover from that flu (man-flu is much, much worse, granted 🤢). The trick is to accept it all, step aside and allow Mother Nature to do its job.

I recovered when I realised I was creating all my own suffering and learned to let go. To let all the symptoms be there, for as long as they liked and do absolutely nothing to change it. Recovery wasn’t instantaneous. It took time to change my attitude to one of utter acceptance and a while longer for all the symptoms to disappear. I reached a point in my recovery where I no.longer feared the symptoms and were more of a nuisance and just lost interest in them. I just let myself feel everything willingly, no matter how bad it felt and all the symptoms gradually melted away. Yes, there were plenty of setbacks (recovery process is not linear and setbacks are a measure of how far you have progressed) but I learned to accept those too

This is how to recover. We all have it within ourselves to recover. No special powers or bravery and certainly not untreatable, especially when sufferers realise they have unwittingly been keeping the whole anxiety/depression show on the road themselves by fighting the symptoms instead of doing nothing about them and accepting things as they are.

[Eklektik]

I am just starting to try acceptance (for a few weeks) as much as I can. I find it promising even if I am not there yet. Thanks for your post! It is encouraging.

[Beevee in reply to Eklektik]

Please remember acceptance is not something you do or try for a few weeks. It is purely down to changing your attitude towards the symptoms so that you are genuinely not bothered about feeling crap. This can take time. Yes, you will still feel crap but you are ok with that. This attitude of acceptance, combined with you continuing to live your life and making it bigger than your anxiety (feel the fear and do it anyway) will eventually reap dividends.

[Eklektik in reply to Beevee]

Thanks for your reply. It is obvious to me that this is a change of paradigm. I am experiencing it a bit with depression: do things and go about life even if depressed. Feels like more of a challenge with anxiety but I am willing to take that direction.

[Beevee in reply to Eklektik]

If you dont already have a copy, go and buy Essential Help for your Nerves by Dr Claire Weekes. This book gave me the knowledge and understanding required to overcome chronic anxiety and depletion (preferred term to depression which is more accurate and sounds less depressing!). It became my bible. I also bought At Last a Life by Paul David which also helped enormously, filling gaps in my understanding of acceptance. He used to suffer too and has a website (anxietynomore) with lots of useful information.

[Eklektik in reply to Beevee]

I bought "Hope and Help for Your Nerves: End Anxiety Now" by Claire Weekes and "The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety: A Guide to Breaking Free from Anxiety, Phobias, and Worry Using Acceptance and Commitment Therapy" by John P. Forsyth, Georg H. Eifert. The workshop on anxiety management I enrolled in also contains an acceptance part (but also the usual not using avoidance and using exposition instead, among other stuff). I used acceptance a bit in the past for depression, oh sorry, depletion . I have not gone through both books yet. I find I already devote too much time to anxiety as it is. But I am in the process. Yesterday morning, I thought I did a good job at acceptance for a beginner, but this morning, I was just furious at my anxiety (beats being scared though). I guess that is something to accept as well. I'll look at the book by Paul David. Thanks for your kind message Beevee. Be well

[Beevee in reply to Eklektik]

Having a shelf full of books is one thing, practicing what they are trying to teach is a different matter but very pleased that you know that recovery is a process. Much of it is trial and error before you grasp the concept of acceptance. It took me a while and found Paul David's website (anxietynomore) very helpful.in this regard.

At some point, sufferers need to take the plunge, armed with that knowledge and understanding and getting out there, caring less about how they might be feeling and gently shifting their focus on other things instead of anxiety. Talking the talk and walking the walk, I guess.

You will do just fine.

❤

[Lve2dance in reply to Beevee]

.. And at work.. I lost focus at my job because my outside life encroached.. It never affected my performance in the job. My manager just thought I was distracted while there.. Then for the first time in my life.. And I am 45, I had a panic attack on my break in the mall.

[Lve2dance in reply to Beevee]

The people here are awesome.. I found the site because I have to hide getting help from my parents.. Or I will be teased. People talk to therapists for anything, but I am not allowed to. Or I am afraid I will be put away. Terrible

[Beevee in reply to Lve2dance]

Hi Lye2dance. Sorry to learn that you are having a tough time with little support available.

Acceptance can be difficult to grasp and can be made more difficult if the issues you mention are the cause of your stress and anxiety. I do know that anxiety can magnify issues and make them alot bigger than they really are to the sufferer. I was fortunate to have a supportive wife who was there when I really needed her but overall, my recovery was down to me. Still, there were times when I felt really irritated stressed, and depressed with my wife (relationship anxiety!) and felt like leaving home to escape from it all on many occasions. Deep down, I knew it was my anxiety making me feel this way so just let it go. So glad I did and didnt act upon the crap being generated by anxiety.

Acceptance still has a place in situations where the problem causing the anxiety has not been addressed to the satisfaction of the sufferer. It can reduce the level of exaggeration and allow the individual to have a clearer perspective of the aggravating circumstances and make clear decisions. When you are in the depths of suffering, it is very difficult to have that perspective and would advise against making any rash decisions while I the thick of ir (highly anxious state).

To clarify, any underlying issues of problems causing your anxiety need to be addressed first, otherwise your anxiety is constantly being topped up and acceptance will only work so much as explained above. A skilled therapist may also be able to see your problem from a different perspective and alleviate the problem.

I'm afraid that there is no instant cure but want you to know that nothing lasts forever and recovery is waiting to happen.

I wish you well ❤

[Jeff1943]

This is the truth, everyone here should read it. Then re-read it then start practicing what they have learned and recovery is only a matter of time.

[Miss-P74]

♥️

[fromzerotopanic]

Thank you, Beevee! This gives me hope that things will get better, but unlike the flu, it's not going to get better in just a day or two, so patience is critical I guess. I don't know if you've ever mentioned if you have ever been on meds, or if you managed to get to the point where you are today with just therapy? And if you were on meds, do you still continue if you don't mind me asking?

[Beevee in reply to fromzerotopanic]

I started on meds but soon flushed them away when I learned about acceptance. That is the most powerful tranquilizer and it's free!

I tried different types of therapy too. Nothing worked, probably because at that time, I just wanted to be free of it and looking for an instant cure. I learned that to be free from inappropriate levels of anxiety, I had to feel the anxiety to release it.

The anxious thoughts and feelings you experience are the mind and body trying to fix itself but sufferers are stopping the recovery process because they fear the symptoms which just adds more fuel to the fire! This is why acceptance works because you lose your fear of the symptoms, breaking the cycle and creating the space for the healing process to take place.

I recovered through reading two self-help books which I mentioned in another post and applying the knowledge which became second nature.

It was like learning to drive a car. When starting out, you have to contend with the steering, accelerator pedal, brake pedal and clutch pedal. Not to mention all the stuff going on outside the car. However, after several lessons, it all gradually came together and i didnt need to focus on each individual part. It became second nature! Learning to accept is the same! I still failed my first test but persevered until I passed!

[GymNeed]

Wow! I heard that before it except it and ride the wave but that’s easier said than done.

[Beevee in reply to GymNeed]

...but not impossible. Nothing worth having comes easily.

[Jeff1943 in reply to GymNeed]

A lot easier than putting up with anxiety disorder though.

[Beevee in reply to Jeff1943]

Absolutely Jeff!

[Isinatra in reply to GymNeed]

👍🏼Some can ride the wave, some can’t. Some people are so sick they can’t even go to the store to buy a board. They are in a hole so deep they don’t know where they are. They can’t read, they can’t hear, much less think of anything else than ending their suffering. In these situations, I would think more than Mother Nature is needed.

[Beevee in reply to Isinatra]

I agree to some extent. You do need a good understanding of anxiety, how it manifests and how to overcome it, as well as Mother Nature.

Many sufferers dont know this and scratch around in the dark searching for answers and an elusive cure. They don't realise that they are probably doing the exact opposite of what it takes to recover. Knowledge and understanding is a prerequisite to recovery.

Any one can recover once they understand how. Understanding also takes away alot of the despair and bewilderment people will be experiencing because up to that point, they had not been able to fight their way out of that deep hole

I've been there, I've been down that rabbit hole and thought I'd never get out. I couldn't function because I was scared to death, all day, every day for some time. I took 4 months off work but that made no difference. Life was a complete chore with every little thing seemingly insurmountable. Zero motivation to do anything. Nothing brought joy, even the things I used to enjoy doing. Crushing self doubt and fear were two of the many symptoms I can remember. It was terrible but you probably know all of this.

Why am I telling you this? I'm telling you because it doesn't matter how low a person might feel, nor does it matter how long they have been suffering. If you are at rock bottom, the only way is up. Recovery begins by moving forward in life, regardless of how a person may be feeling, putting one foot in front of the other. Small steps. No one moves forward by standing still. Recovery is waiting to happen and will happen when a sufferer stops fighting anxiety and practises acceptance and lives life as if they weren't suffering. They are only feelings after all and calling your bluff. Don't be bluffed by those feelings. They won't be there when you recover.

As for Mother Nature, sensitised nerves (caused by prolonged stress or trauma) which control emotions and generate those thoughts and feelings associated with anxiety, heal in exactly the same way as a broken bone or other injury. It takes time to heal with lots of setbacks along the way. Acceptance of all symptoms and setbacks paves the way for recovery which is a natural physiological process. It works.

[GymNeed]

I try and Also incorporate or try to incorporate who is breathing techniques But I Have a fight with myself to take drugs or not take the drugs to help. But if you take the drugs do you still have to ride the waves. Will the drugs that the anxiety from happening?

[Beevee in reply to GymNeed]

I'm not the best person to comment on taking meds for anxiety because I stopped taking them and recovered without them. I also gave up all techniques to try and change how I felt.

Meds might help but don't treat the underlying cause which is always fear or fearing the feelings of fear (I hate anxiety!!!!) Unless the person knows how to face and accept fear the right way by practising acceptance, fear will always be lurking in the shadows and show itself again on the first signs of anxiety and any of the symptoms returning.

So long as the person continues to practice acceptance, I dont think there is any harm in your doctor prescribing tranquilizers to take the edge off the symptoms. The key thing to remember is that to be truly free from anxiety, you have to feel it all willingly and accept come what may without resistance.

In my opinion SSRIs just mask the problem acting as a crutch. I didn't want to rely on meds to make me feel better. I didnt need them before I became really anxious.

[GymNeed in reply to Beevee]

That is exactly why they are still in my purse because for some reason I want to try to not use anything as a crutch I want to find my old self again that wasn’t afraid of the wind. Not that I wasn’t afraid of anything But now it seems like everything is scary OK not everything. But this pandemic help push me over the anxiety edge because every cough sneeze I am tensing up it is not me necessarily coughing or sneezing. Just hearing coughing and sneezing making me anxious.?

[Beevee in reply to GymNeed]

It stands to reason. If you have anxiety, you have anxious thoughts. We all have different vulnerabilities that don't cause too many problems ordinarily and easily forgotten about but when anxiety comes knocking, the sufferer will focus on any uninvited intrusive thought that means something to them. Because of the shock value attached to the thought (anxiety is the culprit) the sufferer worries about it, adding more stress and keeping things going. For you, it happens to be Covid-19 but if if wasnt that, it would be something else, I'm sure. It's all anxiety, regardless, and to be treated in exactly the same way. Accept and move on.

[GymNeed in reply to Beevee]

Thanks.👍😇

[designguy]

Thank you Beevee for a very well articulated post on the true way to recover from anxiety. Really appreciate the clarity and compassion you convey from having walked the talk and trying to put it into context for people to understand.

I also found "At Last A Life" to be very helpful, especially his realization that he already had anxiety, it couldn't get any worse so he might as well get on with living his life and enjoy it with anxiety as much as he could, knowing it would pass eventually and it did.

I've tried life with and without meds and even tried using natural supplements. My family has a history of depression and I have found that I function best on an antidepressant. I tried meds for my anxiety and found that they did not eliminate the anxiety that educating myself about what it really is and learning to no longer fear or believe the anxious thoughts and feelings has been the key. From my personal experience and from what I have read from other's experiences, I don't think meds alone resolve anxiety disorder, it's ether a combination of meds and therapy or therapy that is required.

[Lve2dance]

Easy when you are not living with people who make you feel worse in those moments.. It's hard enough to get through, but when people who are supposedly the ones who care the most verbally abuse you...threaten to put you away, or drug you.. Or say grow up and get over it you ocd freak.

[Lve2dance]

... Or I am yelled at.. My mom is Gets in my face like scary, says I'm trying to punish her and ruin her life.. Like I chose my feelings and emotions.. So I stuff it down until it implodes.. I begged to talk to someone because my friends are awesome but I hate going to them. My mom gets stressed easily. But her response is to laugh at me say oh are you depressed do you need meds what's your problem get over it

[Lve2dance]

.. Or say oh you are a spinster and alone if you were married etc no time for this.. I have friends, different a little during the pandemic.. Plus some are out of the state.. I was dating someone.. So apparently I have no support at home.

[Hope4me1]

I have been trying all my life for acceptance. Meditation, exercise, healthy foods and riding the wave of anxiety and panic. It hasn’t worked for me sadly. I have had good days and good stretches of months with no meds and I felt great. But it always returns😞. I accept that it’s part of my life. But I wish it would leave for good. Right now I am not in a good place and have to accept that I guess. Right now it’s affecting my sleep.

[Beevee in reply to Hope4me1]

Sorry to hear that you are not doing so well at the moment.

We are all built the same way with the same internal wiring. That wiring is amended as we go through life's experiences so different things will impact different people with different emotions. Anxiety triggers for some people will not be the same for others due to varying beliefs.

Obviously I dont know your personal circumstances but perhaps you have been trying too hard to accept? Meditation, eating healthily and taking exercise are all good things but they wont bring about a permanent cure, especially if you are doing them all to try and feel differently. They just treat the symptoms and don't address the root cause (sensitisation of the nervous system that control your emotions which are grossly exaggerated and demand attention).

As I always say, acceptance is not something you try. It's a mindset...to allow your anxiety complete freedom to do what it wants to do and resisting none of it. You said you have good periods. Recovery is not a straight forward process. People can experience months of peacefulness and then the symptoms return. The return of symptoms can send the person into a downward spiral, thinking they are back to square one. The truth is, these setbacks are part of the recovery process and to be expected. They are not an indication of how far you have to go to recover but a measure of how far you have come along the road to recovery. Setbacks are a signpost that you are on the right track and to keep practising acceptance, even during those setbacks. Accept it all. Dont give up, it doesnt have to be part of your life. Keep moving forward and carry on living your life and making it bigger than anxiety.

There were lots of times I thought I'd never recover but that was just my anxiety making me think and feel like that and accepted it all. Over time, I just let it all go and peace of mind and body returned.

Best wishes

Beevee

[Hope4me1 in reply to Beevee]

I do understand what your saying. I hear that making a friend of fear as it comes along. Being curious about it. It’s a basic human response that was very beneficial for our survival. I will continue to continue.

[Beevee in reply to Hope4me1]

You've got this. ❤

[Hope4me1 in reply to Beevee]

Just listened to two Claire Weekes podcasts! Amazing!

[Beevee in reply to Hope4me1]

Keep practising what she preaches. That lady should be made a Saint, bless her. Probably helped millions of people over the 50 odd years since her books were first published, including me.

[Kamgal5]

Claire Weekes books have been my bible on anxiety ( other then the actual Bible) for years. I also just read DARE by Barry McDonagh- which uses her techniques as well, but with a little twist.

[newbie1956 in reply to Kamgal5]

Kamgal5,

Good to hear someone mention the best source of comfort & guidance. Of course the bible isn't a "lucky charm". Merely having the inpired words in our possession doesn't bring relief. (Temporary at best)

Rather, reading, studying & applying the principles involves faith which we gain thru prayer. No, not "blind faith" (all too common)

When we find satisfying answers to life's big questions we're refreshed and able to tame anxiety. As a child I suffered depression and began my journey with prayer. I've had 80 years of blessings and experience.

Agape 🤗

[Kamgal5 in reply to newbie1956]

Yes! The Bible has scripture pertaining to worry, anxiety, depression. It’s very comforting❤️

[newbie1956 in reply to Kamgal5]

In view of all the uncertainty in life, people are eagerly searching for something that will guide them to a better future. When we find it, we want to share it, as Jesus commanded his followers at Matthew 28:19,20.

With that purpose & privilege, we stay busy & our

happiness is increased.

Have a great weekend, Kamgal

💕

[cheekalo37 in reply to Kamgal5]

Kamgal5, I’m using Barry McDonagh’s DARE as well. It’s really helping me. And I agree with you about the Bible comment!

[abv2]

much easier said then done. how did you learn to accept something that has felt so scary for so long?

[Beevee in reply to abv2]

Through knowledge and understanding of anxiety. Then putting that theory into practice, making lots of mistakes along the way but persevering because I started to have glimpses of peace. Those moments of peace got longer and longer.

[LifeIsThePitts in reply to Beevee]

Those glimpses are reinforcing my current growth spurt. I'm at the crossroads of knowledge and practice...the biggest fork on my mental health horizon this year. I'm excited to get on with it. Thanks for the reminder that setbacks are not equal to starting from square one. That's the voice of defeat and anxiety not intellect and rationality.

I'm thrilled to be rereading your posts and replies. Thanks AGAIN namaste 🙏🍄

[Beevee in reply to LifeIsThePitts]

Nothing gives me greater pleasure than helping others finding their way out of the anxiety maze.If you know anything about English football, you might have noticed my avatar is of the Liver bird and the crest on Liverpool Football Club's Jersey. Their anthem is called You'll Never Walk Alone and sung at every game by their supporters.

Putting football allegiances & rivalries to one side, this should also be the motto of this forum because there is always somebody ready to walk by your side and offer support and encouragement. You are not alone.

Take care my friend.

Regards

Beevee

[JP26]

Hi Beevee great post and insight as always, I feel like I relate to your story and past so much. I feel like I have all of the knowledge and understanding of what’s going on after all these years of suffering but again I find myself in the depths of despair not wanting to go on anymore. I’ve gone back to Paul David’s blog again and read through your advice I just can’t put the theory into practice, it’s like I just don’t know how and can’t get started, there’s no belief I can do it and the self pity and fear are just too powerful and the intrusive thoughts keep coming and coming. How do you feel all of that anxiety and fear and despair and not let it affect you and not incorrectly want to get rid of it and be free of it.Like yourself i have thoughts about my wife being the cause of my unhappiness and wanting to give up on life rather than hurt her but I just can’t see how I’m supposed to not be bothered or affected by such dark thoughts, I just can’t grasp it like there’s a block or something within me that just won’t let me grasp what I need to do.

Sorry to rant but I just feel so desperate

[Beevee in reply to JP26]

Hi JP26Sorry to learn that you are going through the mill.

I'm not saying that the anxiety didnt affect me. It did. A lot!

Like you, self pity and intense fear were unbearable and intrusive thoughts were never far way either, especially those about my wife. Add in resentment and irritability too for good measure. There were many times I couldn't bear to even look at her because it kept triggering feelings of fear. That has all gone but it did take time. Recovery can take time but it will happen.

To clarify, those thoughts and feelings will bother you. How can they not? If they didnt bother you, anxiety wouldn't be an issue! Acceptance is about being comfortable about feeling very uncomfortable. Living alongside those feelings and not making any rash decisions (e.g. leaving your wife). I see that as avoidance!

You mention that you dont think you can grasp what you need to do and reached an impasse. I know what you mean because I've been in that situation but want you to know that it is perfectly normal. Anxiety muddies the waters which doesn't help but there really isn't anything special about acceptance other than keeping going, doing normal things and taking the anxious thoughts and feelings with you. The symptoms are just balls of anxious energy coming up for release and need to be released. This is the mind and body's way of recovering. People get in the way of this process by fearing these symptoms which are designed to be scary. Let yourself think and feel everything which will draw the sting out of them and eventually disappear. Nothing is off limits and go about your normal day to day business. It's doing normal stuff that eventually brings back feelings of normality. Your attention will automatically drift from the symptoms on to other things. Dont force anything!

That is really all I did but took me time to see this because my anxiety kept tricking me into thinking i had to do something very special or that recovery was exclusive to a few brave individuals with extraordinary resilience. It's nothing of the sort. Recovery is there for every sufferer, sooner or later. The old you is waiting to surface. The old you is still there. It's just buried beneath those pesky superficial symptoms which will all disappear when you allow yourself to feel like crap without resistance. Let those thoughts and feelings scare you, make you feel extremely uncomfortable and learn to care less about them. This takes time. It all takes time but recovery is inevitable so long as you keep moving forward and accepting all that comes. Time is the great healer.

Hope this helps!

Best wishes

Beevee

[JP26 in reply to Beevee]

Thanks Beevee I’m hoping you can be an inspiration to me maybe as it feels like there are many similarities with what we suffer with (suffered in your case).

I’m not sure if you can relate but I feel unique in that ‘I can’t accept’ or ‘I don’t know how to accept’ it’s a real core belief which is unshakeable and prevents me from believing in myself or giving myself any credit or hope.

My mind is constantly telling me to leave my wife or quit my job or end my life altogether even and it’s really hard not to be terrified and act upon those thoughts. Over the years I’ve switched schools, quit courses, changed jobs, ended relationships all because of my intrusive thoughts and feelings running wild and me not knowing else to do and each time the depression/anxiety returns I get more and more despondent and defeated with it all, the self pity and self loathing is just too strong it seems and I just keep telling myself I can’t do it and I don’t know how.

[Beevee in reply to JP26]

We were made using the same mould 😊 so it's complete nonsense that you can't or won't recover.

The only difference is that I didnt quit my job or leave my wife, even though the urge was very strong on many occasions.

Why not? Apart from it being an avoidance technique, I slowly learned that the old me was still there, somewhere and that normal feelings would return. I never used to think and feel that way so had a base line to aim for. I started to experience glimpses of my old self, when anxiety wasn't present. Usually after swimming 2 miles or cycling 50 miles and exhausting myself in the process. I had no option but to feel relaxed 🤣

All that negative crap you mention is simply that. Crap. It's just anxiety making you think and feel that way and completely false.

The more you allow yourself to think and feel everything and accept it all, the more you will learn that it is all complete mumbo jumbo and begin to lose respect for those thoughts. They are only thoughts. Nothing to do with reality whatsoever but admit anxiety does do a very good job at making you think it's all real. They pop up uninvited. You dont ask for them but you do have a choice about what to do with them. You either engage and place belief in them or you let them go. Clue. Let them go. They only command respect because of their physical like force, propelled by anxiety.

All those thoughts about your wife and job are very familiar to me. They have nothing to do with your wife or job. It's just anxiety that picks on anything that means something to you. If it wasnt your wife or job, it would be something else, like sleep or health, for example. It picks on and magnifies any vulnerabilities you may have. It makes mountains out of molehills. However, it doesn't matter what the content of those thoughts are about because it's just anxiety playing tricks and just a complete load of bollocks!

When I started to care less about them, they faded away. It was so gradual, I didnt even notice them going but they all just disappeared because it was just anxious energy. No more negative or fearful thoughts about my wife or job. No fear flashes. No nothing except normal thoughts passing through my consciousness. I'm struggling to think of any here which goes to show how important they must be. Its only anxiety which gives them that false sense of importance. They wont be there when you recover so all the more reason not to give them the attention they crave to survive!

To get there, I had to go through the storm and see for myself; to expose the lies generated by anxiety. I came through those storms. You will too.

Apologies if I've gone off topic a bit and rambled on but hopefully I've still managed to hit the nail on the head!

[JP26 in reply to Beevee]

Thanks Beevee your time and advice is much appreciated I hope I can take the advice on board but as soon as I have an anxious thought about something I’m off again feeling sorry for myself or wishing I was like others or wanting rid of it all of the wrong things to do, am I supposed to acknowledge the thoughts or say anything back to them? How do you ignore something so powerful!Added to that I’ve just started a new job this week (another change) which has sent me off on a spiral as now I am thinking I shouldn’t have switched jobs as it’s just avoidance again! I’m such a mess

[Beevee in reply to JP26]

By all means acknowledge those thoughts. It's hard not to because they come with such force which Dr Weekes referred to as the first fear flash. You have no control over the first fear flash so don't try to ignore them. That would be really hard to do. Suffering is prolonged if you add more fear to that first fear flash i.e. second fear. It can be hard to separate the two because second fear flash is almost instant but recognisable by what I call the "What ifs?" What if I never recover, what if I don't love my wife, what if I have to leave my job, what if I'm like this forever, what if I have something wrong with me etc etc.

If you are anything like me, it took time to master disengagement following the first fear flash but with practice you get there and can easily let them go. Through experience, you will know they are just rubbish and your anxiety finding an outlet which is a good thing. The more you let your anxiety run amok and do nothing about it, the closer you get to recovery.

When I had bouts of peacefulness (usually during late evening) I began to notice that those scary thoughts just weren't there or the same situation didn't always scare me. The first fear flash was very inconsistent which gradually strengthened my belief that those thoughts were false and not to be taken seriously. I could let them go much easier compared to when I started on my journey of recovery. Over time, I was able to change my attitude towards the symptoms and my response. I turned my what ifs into so what?

Those scary thoughts still hung around for a while but with acceptance and letting them go, they lost their power to shock and I lost interest in them.

While you have anxiety, you will beat yourself up and doubt everything. Accept the fact that you are finding it difficult to understand acceptance. Accept the fact that you are having negative thoughts about lots of different things. Accept the fact that you might spiral if you feel anxious. Accept it all.

I eventually found that I was completely neutral to all the stuff going on in my head and just watched it come and then go. It was still uncomfortable but it no longer mattered. It no longer stopped me in my tracks and just carried on.

In my mind's eye, anxiety wasn't a part of me and so intertwined that it would have to be surgically removed with great difficulty. It was something that just attached itself to me and would fall off at some point, leaving no scars or lasting damage. I was right too.

[JP26 in reply to Beevee]

Yes I can see that those first fear thoughts are happening constantly all day automatically like I’ve made a mistake leaving my old job and now I’m trapped or my wife and son would be better off without me, those thoughts cause my mind to race and my stomach to churn and I’m then thinking of ways to escape those sensations and to not feel like this which just keeps me stuck but those second fear thoughts are so quick and automatic too and I’m trying to fight them and get rid of them which is sending me into the self pity spiral.

Like yourself I’ve noticed at night times the thoughts can fade away and die off, it’s almost like the mind has worn itself out thinking and worrying all day long but then each morning they’re back with a vengeance and the battle begins again just to make it through the day, I’m not living I’m merely.

Somehow, some way I need to figure out how to let go there’s just something stopping me which is keeping me stuck in the cycle.

Thanks again for you patience, support and insight, my minds telling me I can’t do it but it does give me some hope

[Beevee]

For me, alcohol was a crutch, an avoidance measure. To stop or suppress those thoughts and feelings. A temporary measure at best. As you might have already gathered by my posts, recovery lies in exposing yourself to those thoughts and feelings and not taking any avoidance measures.

[Isinatra]

Stop resisting the anxious feelings and do nothing about it. Is self comforting considered resisting? Listening to soothing music, watching a beautiful sunset, hugging another person, wrapping up in a snuggly blanket, a cup of hot chocolate, talking to a trusted friend when you’re gripped in a panic attack …..is that considered resisting?

[Beevee]

No. They all sound like bliss to me, except the panicky bit.

[Beevee in reply to Beevee]

Focus on acceptance. That means being ok about not feeling ok. By all means listen to music, talk to friends, watch beautiful sunsets. Do all the things you used to do before anxiety and panic interfered but do them with no expectation that they will relieve the symptoms. That is acceptance.

[Beevee]

Its been a while so thought I'd tag myself in a post I did 12 months ago and a timely reminder that recovery is possible.

I sincerely hope you are all doing better out there. ❤❤❤

[LifeIsThePitts]

YES! This is where I'm headed on my journey!! I'm in the stutter stage of acceptance. There's more glimmers of it breaking through every day. I still have the unbridled need to push everything uncomfortable away from me on a desperate attempt to fortify my PERCEIVED safety. I've let my anxiety escalate and evolve into a one trick pony. Every single trigger is a life and death response now...not rational.

Awareness is a new tool for me and that's been one of the differences in turning things around for me in learning how to heal myself.

I know I'm actively working toward a life worth living. That's more than I've been able to prior to now.

[Beevee in reply to LifeIsThePitts]

Lovely to hear that LifeIsThePitts. Won't be long before you think about changing your profile name to something a bit more positive! 😊

Not going to put a dampener on things but be prepared for setbacks where you think you've gone back to square 1 and lost all gains. Do not be disheartened by this if/when that happens because recovery is not linear and they are part of the healing process. Accept these too. Confidence earned up to the point of setback is like an Excel or Word document. If your PC crashes, the latest version is saved and restored when back online. You never lose that inner voice of confidence telling you to keep moving forward.

Best wishes!

[LifeIsThePitts in reply to Beevee]

That's the perfect vision for me to reflect on. I've actually been processing a setback currently but didn't know what it was or how to define it. My journey is only a year and a half old...I'm a toddler just getting my balance and feet on the ground. Serious 🍼 baby steps I'm every sense of the word.

I was extremely frustrated and distressed with those feelings of defeat and failure that are all too familiar. BUT I'm back on a different page, armed with more knowledge and thankful and grateful for the guides I've run into recently to help me take another step forward.