I posted the following on this forum some time ago and think it might be beneficial to post it again.
To let people know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, that anyone can recover from anxiety when they understand that trying to get rid of it, trying to make themselves think or feel differently is likely to be the reason they are not making progress and still suffering badly. This doesn’t apply to a few hardy individuals with great courage, it applies to anyone who feels as though they are going round in ever decreasing circles with no hope of recovery. Recovery will happen when you stop trying to do anything about the symptoms.
When I unwittingly developed my anxiety disorder, I just wanted to relax. I felt wired to the mains electricity, strived to relax and did all manner of things to try and achieve it and to stop feeling extreme discomfort all day, every day with no respite (except when I managed to sleep).
I tried hypnotherapy, I tried meditation, I tried listening to soothing music, waves gently lapping the shores of a golden sun kissed sandy beach. I bought a bicycle and rode a stupid amount of miles every week. I swam huge distances. I was as fit as a butcher’s dog but none of these things gave me permanent relief of the symptoms. By the next morning, my mind and body was wracked with anxiety again. It was like Groundhog Day but far worse. No matter what I tried to do to get rid of the anxiety, it was back the next day. Relentless stuff. Depression followed.
Exercise relieves symptoms temporarily but does not address the root cause of that stress. For chronic anxiety sufferers, nerves that have been battered into submission need time to desensitise, to heal but that won’t happen if you fill your day trying to make this “thing” go away and stop dominating your life,
I was stuck in a never ending fear-adrenalin-fear cycle. I was anxious and stressed about feeling anxious. I was scared of the feelings of fear which just produced more stress induced chemicals, inciting more fear. I would worry about the thoughts and feelings and fight them to feel better, instead of allowing myself to feel the symptoms of anxiety and let myself come out of it naturally. That’s what people without anxiety do. They don’t do anything. The feelings just go away by themselves because their focus is on other things, such as the reason that made them anxious or other negative emotion and don't dwell on how they feel.
Anxiety sufferers are frightened to death about the feelings and try to force themselves to feel better. This is the same as pouring petrol / gas on a fire and expecting to extinguish the flames.
To stop those thoughts and feelings, the trick is to allow them to be there and not do anything to change the situation and drawing their sting and stops adding fuel to the fire.
Struggling to change your feelings or mental state is a fight you cannot win and simply fans those flames. Try feeling happy when you are sad. Try feeling sad when you are happy. Try feeling full of energy when you exhausted. See what I mean? You have little or no control over how you are feeling but anxiety sufferers are constantly trying to do this. Trying to control anxiety has the opposite effect. By giving up trying to control anxiety, you eventually regain control!
Allowing or accepting (it’s the same thing) is not a technique or some method. I mean, it is not something you try and then say, “Aaarghh, I’m still feeling very anxious and hate it. It’s not working!!” That is missing the point entirely.
It is about letting go, developing a relaxed attitude towards the symptoms and allowing yourselves to feel the way you are feeling at any time. Let yourselves fall into any state and do nothing to try and change it. It is not about your mind or emotions being calm, it is about you being calm towards the crappy thoughts the mind is spewing out and the grossly exaggerated emotions that turn pimples into Mt Everest. It’s about being ok about not feeling ok. It is the resistance to emotions that cause the majority of suffering, not the feelings themselves. Acceptance is made easier once the "mystery" of anxiety is understood and knowing that the symptoms are harmless. Calling its bluff.
Fear is the only thing keeping the anxiety cycle going. It’s a natural reaction that is designed to protect us in the face of danger. To fight, run away or freeze (playing dead). Anxiety sufferers have become afraid of the symptoms of fear.
To be free from chronis anxiety you have to allow every aspect of it to be there and learn to observe instead of fighting, suppressing, avoiding etc. I stopped hiding from it, stopped trying to suppress it, stopped avoiding things or doing things to deliberately try and feel different. I still kept myself fit but didn’t do it with the expectation that it would free me from anxiety.
Recovery is not about managing or coping with anxiety. I never had to manage or cope with it before I developed the disorder so why now? And it wasn’t something I wanted to do for the rest of my life orvrelynon medication. I stopped medication early on because it only suppresses symptoms and doesnt address the real cause which is fear.
To recover, you don’t need anything, no techniques, methods of coping or safety behaviours. You just need to be more accepting with anxiety being in your life and be open to it.
The only thing I changed was my attitude towards the symptoms and learnt how to cope and pass through fear the right way by facing and accepting.
I stopped fighting with myself and trying to escape from or change the way I felt. I just carried on living my life and doing normal things, regardless of how I felt. For normal feelings to return, you have to carry on doing normal things. Go to work, socialise, take that holiday and take the anxiety with you.
When freedom from anxiety came (it happens gradually, often going unnoticed ), there was nothing left to manage or the need to keep doing things to find relief and that was always my target. Just like I was before i had anxiety and how things are now. Recovery is not exclusive to a few brave souls. Each and every one of you has what it takes to recover. You just need to know what to do to recover. Absolutely nothing.
Beevee ❤️
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Beevee
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Beevee, Thank you for sharing this info again. It’s so important. Acceptance works for me, whatever will be will be, I’m done worrying about it. Your story is important AND inspiring. We all have much to learn from you!!
I wish i could say that i was done worrying about it...my anxiety will be with me for the rest of my life....what i'm hoping is is that i will be able to control it better.....that although i think every situation has the potential for being bad......i know that it is not
You don’t know your anxiety will always be with you. Things change, life changes, you’ll be retiring soon. No more prison stress. We don’t even know what could happen tomorrow. In case tomorrow is my last day on earth, I don’t want the day before my death to be one of fear. I didn’t just wish my anxiety away. It’s still around but has no credibility anymore therefore I react to it differently. Treat it like a nuisance, a bratty child, don’t give it any authority. When you take the power back you realize how unfounded the fears and anxiety are. Everyone has different types of anxieties but they are all fear based. Mine became an obsession with the fear. Fear of a panic attack. Fear of fear itself … until it paralyzed me. Think of it in terms of how you have quit something in your life. A negative you needed to remove. A bad habit. Something you got angry about and said “I’ve had enough.” Being exhausted of fighting something helps you let go. I had to confront people I work for, explain things that needed to change, was no longer going to be a “yes” person and work such long hours. Explained to my kids, I need everyone to grow up and take responsibility for their lives, quit relying on me for everything. I got mad and put my foot down on so many things at once. But they were long overdue. I promise you, you CAN control it better. Acknowledge it, accept it, but don’t give it any credibility because it’s lying to you. You wouldn’t give credibility to a person who lies to you, same with anxiety. Same principle.
Please absorb Crystal-Clear's message to you and develop that same attitude towards anxiety. Frankly, trying to control anxiety, pandering to its demands has the opposite effect to the one sufferers desire. It is only when you give up trying to control anxiety that things will start to change for the better.Best wishes!
Keep practising acceptance that an anxious brain generates anxious thoughts and feelings. It's only excessive energy being released so let it do that and learn to observe the thoughts instead of engaging with them and don't give them the attention they need to survive. Those uninvited thoughts will run out of energy and fade away. I had thousands of anxious thoughts about anything and everything and they all disappeared.
I practiced that what I found that my automatic response to anxiety and intrusive thoughts is to suppress them I tried allowing but after some time I again found myself suppressing these thoughts.
Yes. Our natural instinct is to stay in our comfot zone which is fine for most things but not anxiety. You need to let it all be there totally unhindered because that is the mind and body trying to recover!
Very Freudian- and very true. Too bad we have moved so far away from Drs. Freud & Jung - they had many positive approaches for healing mental distress.
Very kind of you to say that and absolutely agree with your point 👍🏼The post is aimed for those with no specific illness or ongoing problem causing anxiousness, and whose only struggle is with the symptoms of anxiety itself which includes depression.
Naturally, any underlying issue must be addressed first, either by medical intervention or resolving the problem to the satisfaction of the person.
I still believe that acceptance still has a place and serves to lessen the symptoms so that the person can focus on the underlying issue with a clearer head.
Great post as usual and I just wanted to ask on it. You say to ignore, accept and carry on. So if a thought pops in like why is the world round and it starts to make you anxious, just accept it don’t dwell on it and change your mind be watching tv etc and if it comes back do you just think yep whatever and carry on with what you were doing? This is all well and good and what you are saying is the thought will become less and then another thought and another etc you are saying they will all become less with the practise of acceptance and ignoring? So feeling numb, down etc doesn’t matter. It will release eventually by excepting? And one day you will think of something and it will just pass as your mind is less anxious. People who aren’t anxious have thoughts too but they just disappear as now dwelled on?
Yes. Anxiety acts like rocket propellant. It attaches itself to a pop up thought, thrusting it to the forefront of your mind and because it is laced with fear and anxiety, the sufferer gives that thought a false sense of importance which they feel compelled to address or worry about it more. Acceptance stops you feeding or fuelling or worrying about that thought and it dies away.
When you are free from anxiety, I bet you that all those troublesome thoughts will not be there because they are just a by product of anxiety. Anxious energy being released...which is a good thing because it is the mind and body's way of recovering from the ordeal that you have put yourself through by not accepting!
I had thousands of anxious thoughts from being fearful of my wife to getting in the shower. It was all bollocks and they all disappeared. Every single one.
Non anxious people have thoughts but because anxiety is not present, they don"t bother the individual and they pass through without incident.
so right!!! The last part about non anxious people having thoughts but because anxiety isn’t present they don’t bother them and pass on. That’s what it was with me when no anxiety. I noticed just now something that makes my whole body shake and and I would always grab a beer to “calm down” and I noticed thoughts came instantly!! This time I tried my best to just carry on cooking and let my body calm down, which it did. I’m starting gym on Saturday. I believe it will help a lot. Therapist tomorrow (nervous about that) and I ordered the book you mentioned.
Congratulations, You are heading in the right direction!
Just a small bit to add.
Don't feverishly try to distract yourself e.g. Quick I must do something to divert my attention NOW!!! Gently distract yourself in a more relaxed manner e.g. "Oh well here come those troublesome thoughts again, i know they aren't real and I'll let them in and just carry on what I was planning to do.
had therapy online today. Waste of time and money. Just wanted to talk about alcohol and it’s root cause. I said I wanted to talk about anxiety and she just said one I stopped one addiction for another. Absolute bollocks. Now I’m more anxious than before as I was built up before it and anxious after it.
HiI'm so sorry you had this experience with your therapist.
Without knowing your background and issues it is difficult for me to say much about the therapist.
I am a private counsellor/ therapist, and do face to face work and online work. The way I practice is to listen to what my client wants to talk about..They may tell me beforehand of certain issues they are atruggling with , but if they wanted to talk about anxiety then I would listen to that. I'm sorry you are now more anxious than before.
Thank you. Yeh I said I wanted to talk about anxiety but somehow it went to alcohol. Sure it maybe helpful to know the root cause of it but I really don’t care about the root cause. I’ve stopped and that’s that. Maybe one day I will be interested in the root cause but for now anxiety is my problem not alcohol. Too expensive for nothing
Ok, thank you for your explanation. So if you don't mind me asking, did you contact this therapist because you had issues with alcohol? and was he/ she aware you jad stopped? and that you wanted to talk about your anxiety? You see, a lot if therapists will try to lead you down the path of "the root cause" of whatever your issue is. The reason they do this is so you know and fully understand what tour trigger/ triggers were, and still are. If you already know what these triggers are and what to do if and when they occur, then you tell your therapist this, and go on to say, ( as you did) that you want to talk about your anxiety.
I mailed all that before hand and that I’m 6 1/2 weeks sober and I want to discuss anxiety. She even said before the session she deals with anxiety not alcohol and her colleague does………. So I’m not sure if I got the colleague or what. Also did t get a confidentiality form beforehand. She said she will send after session, still hasn’t arrived
If you have anxiety, anything can trigger it (caused by sensitisation of the sympathetic nervous system due to stress, trauma). Your mind and body is currently like a tuning fork, constantly being knocked and vibrating. Emotions are magnified. Molehills look like the Himalayas.Expect to feel anxious in any situation and accept it. As I've said, acceptance creates the time and space for those nerves to recover (desensitise) and for your inappropriate levels of anxiety to die away.
Did I mention I’ve realised what is happening? Yes anxiety of course but my main problem is rumination!!! This is caused by anxiety and rumination causes anxiety!!!! What a loop!!!! Does everything you said still apply to this? I know that addressing the root (anxiety) will calm this so I guess the answer is yes.
Oh, and what to do when anxiety gets really bad? Like yesterday I couldn’t function at all I didn’t know what to do :,(
Accept it all. Accept the days when you can't function. That doesn't necessarily mean lying in bed waiting until you feel a bit better. Get up and face the day as best you can and with as much acceptance as you can muster but dont do it through gritted teeth. Face, accept and "float" past those feelings (be ok about not feeling ok).
I just admit I thought after a thought had “passed” and another came along to say hello the other one would dissipate but noooooo. Today after many annoying thoughts, I’m back to an original one. What is that about??? Why are ones I’ve dealt with come back? To try again? It’s really annoying that you can go through so many things to think about and bang the original one comes back around. It’s almost as if I have nothing left to think about so it starts again. I don’t understand
The thoughts are just anxious energy being released and will keep popping up while your nerves desensitise from the severe beating through worry and stress. The ones that "keep coming back" are likely to be those that resonate with you so you give them the respect they dont deserve. Memory and habit also play a part.The important thing to remember is that the content of all those thoughts is totally irrelevant. They dont mean anything and wont be there when you recover so let them come and then let them go. Treat them all the same way, no matter how much they scream for attention.
Thank you so much. One day I will look back at all this and remember you always. Re-reading what you post helps me so much and a lot of other people I can imagine.
Thank you. Just happy to pass on what I learnt through my recovery. I'd go as far to say that the majority of sufferers dont really have any issue making them anxious. Their biggest problem is struggling to cope with anxiety itself. Acceptance means those people give up the struggle which creates the space for the mind and bodyto heal naturally. Recovery is a straight forward physiological process which is waiting to happen as soon as people loosen their grip on anxiety.
hard days lately. You mentioned memory habit okay a part. I’m noticing this. It’s like suddenly out of nowhere I will remember something I worried about and bang there it is for the rest of the day and next day I wake up shaky as a result of being anxious I guess. I was worrying a bit inner dialogue which I guess is just a thought and anxiety attaching itself to make it huge. So bad the next day trying to accept while shaky and so nervous and trying to let it come and go is just wow. Really trying hard but some days I’m good and then a thought (memory comes and bang square 1 :,(
This post is very helpful and true. The other day when I conquered a panic attack and some extreme anxiety, I finally understood what I needed to do. And, it's what you've talked about. It's hard but achievable.
Yup. Accepting. Accepting the panic and anxiety is the first step though. There's more to it. The more I fight it, the worse it gets. I'm sick of feeding my anxiety monster.
Yep. Anxiety doesn't have a grip of you, you have a grip of anxiety which is whyletting go works. If you have reached that stage where you are tired of fighting it and it dictating your life, the next natural step is to hoist the white flag and just keep moving forward and making your life bigger than anxiety.
Accepting is not a doing thing. It's about developing a "whatever" attitude towards the symptoms. Recovery just happens to be the by product of that attitude and will come to you.
You do not need to do anything except let the anxiety be there and learn to watch it instead of engaging with it. Accept that you might not "get it," just now , accept that you will struggle with it, accept that there will be tough days. It takes time to develop a relaxed attitude towards the symptoms so that you are ok with the anxiety storm raging within. The more you pass through those storms, the more you.learn that the symptoms don't mean anything and lose interest in the content of those anxious thoughts and feelings. The storm will continue to rage but you don't really care and carry on with your day. Over time, those symptoms will gradually fade away and you genuinely won't care if they come back because you know the way out.
It is only our fear of the symptoms that feeds anxiety and when that fear has been stripped away, recovery is just a matter of time.
Hey there. It’s been a while and I wanted to throw this past you. While I’ve been practicing accepting it’s been very stressful here lately and I noticed thoughts have become stronger. Or ember you said you had thousands of thoughts and all bollocks so anyway I had a new one today and it was about the sky so I guess this is again just another stupid thought and it’s new so it’s right there in my face making me anxious and can’t stop thinking. This is same old same old? This happened to you? A new one is harder to ignore you know?
An anxious brain conjures up anxious thoughts that are designed to grab your attention and worry about them. The content of all those thoughts and feelings does not matter in the slightest. Consign them all to the "anxiety bin" and let them go.
I like the anxiety bin. I notice I can do that easier now but is it okay if they come back? If they do I self affirmation but feel I’m giving them attention. All these thoughts that come is fine as long as I don’t dwell or worship them right? I seem to have fear of a thought coming. You know?
Yes, I know, and all completely normal under the circumstances. I had plenty about my wife that kept popping up, even after I knew the content was a load of crap.Like I say, treat them all the same even if the same thought keeps coming back. Its just anxious energy being released. It needs to be released with zero resistance.
Remember, the thoughts do not create anxiety.
Anxiety creates the thoughts .
They will keep coming so long as your nerves are still in a sensitised state. Habit also plays a role but just accept it all. Every. Single. Bit.
They will eventually fizzle out, probably without you evening noticing until some time later. I gave up monitoring thoughts and feelings and stopped giving them my attention.
yes I’m noticing this a lot lately. A thought I’ve understood will come back as soon as I wake up and again and again so I think why? I’ve understood you time to go away but it doesn’t and that is what this is. Eventually it will fade if I don’t worship it and just accept they will come while I am in a nervous state. Annoying as hell. Feels like never ending keeping you more nervous.
BeeveeWhat a brilliant read thank you for your insight.
I've been struggling for weeks looking for answers .
As I posted earlier my problems started back in January. Out of the blue one evening I had a suspected mini stroke but that was ruled out with a CT scan.
I was however diagnosed with very high blood pressure. I was tried on three different medications because each one I thought had side effects of brain fog.
Thankfully through lifestyle changes I was taken off the medication but the spaced out drunk feeling has remained.
I realize now my stressing over blood pressure readings and wondering if my mini stroke symptoms will return have contributed to my current state.
Stress continues because I need the brain fog feeling to go so I can return to work as hgv driver. It just seems a vicious circle at the moment stressing about the stressing.
Moving forward I shall now take on board all you have said and just live along side these symptoms until I get to where I want 🙂
Keep on trucking Dancer777 and I mean that in every sense. Time is the healer but you will get there. You may find that the brain fog will lift because your focus is on the road, not yourself. Getting out of your own head is beneficial because you aren't fretting about the symptoms.
Thank you, feeling more confident I can get through this . I just need to stop every waking moment thinking about it and do as you say.Will keep you informed how I get on.
You will get there. I've walked in your shoes, spending every waking hour monitoring myself, physically and mentally. I felt so afraid and stressed out, it was pure torture. Recovery seemed so far out of reach but i persevered with putting myself in the firing line [going to work, socialising etc] and practicing acceptance.
Recovery crept up on me slowly, no fanfare or chequered flag to tell me I had crossed the finishing line. Probably because I had accepted everything and went with the ebb and flow. The transition back to normality was seamless. The mind and body sorted itself out and returned to its natural default setting of peacefulness. All I had to do was to step aside from myself and let the physiological healing process do its thing.
Everything you say sounds spot on and I believe I will get there. It's just scary thinking about going back to work spaced out right now.Yesterday I made the effort to have dinner out with family but almost felt like I was in a dream while there.
I don't want to go off topic but any tips for getting some sleep. I'm anxious also when it comes to bedtime because I know I'll probably be up in the early hours and it'll have a knock on effect the following day .
Thank God I found this website it's good to sound off and get it out. Thank you.
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