Hi there.
I posted the following on this forum some time ago and think it might be beneficial to post it again.
To let people know that there is light at the end of the tunnel, that anyone can recover from anxiety when they understand that trying to get rid of it, trying to make themselves think or feel differently is likely to be the reason they are not making progress and still suffering badly. This doesn’t apply to a few hardy individuals with great courage, it applies to anyone who feels as though they are going round in ever decreasing circles with no hope of recovery. Recovery will happen when you stop trying to do anything about the symptoms.
When I unwittingly developed my anxiety disorder, I just wanted to relax. I felt wired to the mains electricity, strived to relax and did all manner of things to try and achieve it and to stop feeling extreme discomfort all day, every day with no respite (except when I managed to sleep).
I tried hypnotherapy, I tried meditation, I tried listening to soothing music, waves gently lapping the shores of a golden sun kissed sandy beach. I bought a bicycle and rode a stupid amount of miles every week. I swam huge distances. I was as fit as a butcher’s dog but none of these things gave me permanent relief of the symptoms. By the next morning, my mind and body was wracked with anxiety again. It was like Groundhog Day but far worse. No matter what I tried to do to get rid of the anxiety, it was back the next day. Relentless stuff. Depression followed.
Exercise relieves symptoms temporarily but does not address the root cause of that stress. For chronic anxiety sufferers, nerves that have been battered into submission need time to desensitise, to heal but that won’t happen if you fill your day trying to make this “thing” go away and stop dominating your life,
I was stuck in a never ending fear-adrenalin-fear cycle. I was anxious and stressed about feeling anxious. I was scared of the feelings of fear which just produced more stress induced chemicals, inciting more fear. I would worry about the thoughts and feelings and fight them to feel better, instead of allowing myself to feel the symptoms of anxiety and let myself come out of it naturally. That’s what people without anxiety do. They don’t do anything. The feelings just go away by themselves because their focus is on other things, such as the reason that made them anxious or other negative emotion and don't dwell on how they feel.
Anxiety sufferers are frightened to death about the feelings and try to force themselves to feel better. This is the same as pouring petrol / gas on a fire and expecting to extinguish the flames.
To stop those thoughts and feelings, the trick is to allow them to be there and not do anything to change the situation and drawing their sting and stops adding fuel to the fire.
Struggling to change your feelings or mental state is a fight you cannot win and simply fans those flames. Try feeling happy when you are sad. Try feeling sad when you are happy. Try feeling full of energy when you exhausted. See what I mean? You have little or no control over how you are feeling but anxiety sufferers are constantly trying to do this. Trying to control anxiety has the opposite effect. By giving up trying to control anxiety, you eventually regain control!
Allowing or accepting (it’s the same thing) is not a technique or some method. I mean, it is not something you try and then say, “Aaarghh, I’m still feeling very anxious and hate it. It’s not working!!” That is missing the point entirely.
It is about letting go, developing a relaxed attitude towards the symptoms and allowing yourselves to feel the way you are feeling at any time. Let yourselves fall into any state and do nothing to try and change it. It is not about your mind or emotions being calm, it is about you being calm towards the crappy thoughts the mind is spewing out and the grossly exaggerated emotions that turn pimples into Mt Everest. It’s about being ok about not feeling ok. It is the resistance to emotions that cause the majority of suffering, not the feelings themselves. Acceptance is made easier once the "mystery" of anxiety is understood and knowing that the symptoms are harmless. Calling its bluff.
Fear is the only thing keeping the anxiety cycle going. It’s a natural reaction that is designed to protect us in the face of danger. To fight, run away or freeze (playing dead). Anxiety sufferers have become afraid of the symptoms of fear.
To be free from chronis anxiety you have to allow every aspect of it to be there and learn to observe instead of fighting, suppressing, avoiding etc. I stopped hiding from it, stopped trying to suppress it, stopped avoiding things or doing things to deliberately try and feel different. I still kept myself fit but didn’t do it with the expectation that it would free me from anxiety.
Recovery is not about managing or coping with anxiety. I never had to manage or cope with it before I developed the disorder so why now? And it wasn’t something I wanted to do for the rest of my life orvrelynon medication. I stopped medication early on because it only suppresses symptoms and doesnt address the real cause which is fear.
To recover, you don’t need anything, no techniques, methods of coping or safety behaviours. You just need to be more accepting with anxiety being in your life and be open to it.
The only thing I changed was my attitude towards the symptoms and learnt how to cope and pass through fear the right way by facing and accepting.
I stopped fighting with myself and trying to escape from or change the way I felt. I just carried on living my life and doing normal things, regardless of how I felt. For normal feelings to return, you have to carry on doing normal things. Go to work, socialise, take that holiday and take the anxiety with you.
When freedom from anxiety came (it happens gradually, often going unnoticed ), there was nothing left to manage or the need to keep doing things to find relief and that was always my target. Just like I was before i had anxiety and how things are now. Recovery is not exclusive to a few brave souls. Each and every one of you has what it takes to recover. You just need to know what to do to recover. Absolutely nothing.
Beevee ❤️
It's a fine line between anxiety and depression. Sometimes not easy to tell the difference?
