I need advice so bad!!!!!: I’d really... - Anxiety and Depre...

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I need advice so bad!!!!!

MandyBueno profile image

I’d really appreciate some advice from experienced people who have been in a relationship/ married .

Me and my fiancé are going to take a huge step in our relationship next month. Of course anyone who’s getting married wants their marriage to work. I do have some qualities but so soo many faults . I can be very controlling and freak out over the stupidest things. It looks like it’s bigger than me. I try not to show it but sometimes it’s hard.

I want him with me 24/7 doing what I want cause I feel a gap so big whenever he’s gone. I can say I’m 100% dependent of him. And it kills me to know that these things are really red flags. Sometimes I fear that he doesn’t love me anymore even being crystal clear that he does . I am aware of my faults and I want to fix it but easier said than done. Also I had a relationship five years ago that ended for the same reasons.

My fiancé is a good man, he’s the love of my life and I want our marriage to work really bad. What’s the best thing I can do to stop being this crazy?

10 Replies

Sorry if it’s not what you want to hear but my advise is don’t get married, especially if you have doubts already. You can be together forever without tying the knot and if it doesn’t work out, then you didn’t waste your time entering a contract that binds you legally, financially and will probably cause you headaches in the future. The leading cause of divorce is marriage. It’s not a popular opinion but just my 2 cents. Don’t get married!!!

MandyBueno profile image
MandyBueno in reply to VDC1

I am getting married . I don’t want to have all my stuff well put together to prove that I am capable of being married. Me and my future husband had this conversation many times and we both love and cherish each other. I am looking for advice from people who overcame the fears . And that’s what what I need to hear right now. But I do understand it’s a public post

Isinatra profile image
Isinatra in reply to MandyBueno

I agree with pre marital counseling since your expectations are to enter into a lifetime contract. Knowledge is power.❤️🏄‍♀️

Honestly, if I knew then what I know now, I would have gotten into marriage counseling with a good therapist. I probably wouldn't have gotten divorced. I didn't get into counseling until long afterward.

MandyBueno profile image
MandyBueno in reply to JL74

I will totally do counseling! I’m so sorry . But it’s a good point you brought up

mandy -

so you have some qualities, and some faults. you can be crazy, and you freak out. hate to break the bad news .... but so far - sounds like you're normal. ;-)

a hole you need to fill; and you want to be with him 24/7... i'd only caution you... as the song says... if you hold on too tight, love flies away; hold on loosely... obviously paraphrasing, don't remember the words off hand.

if you want my humble opinion. don't worry about your faults. think about why you have that hole. why do you fear he doesn't love you...

you're talking about faults - i'm hearing imperfections that make you who you are. you're talking about a gap, and fear of love... i'm hearing alot of fear.

.

work on your fear. people grow, love changes, it can grow or fade. it almost certainly will change from what it is now. don't fear the change. change happens, and sometimes its good! why so much fear in you?

you've got lessons from the past; sounds like you are becoming aware... you're learning.... keep searching within you, keep learning about you.

fix your fear.... the faults will take care of themselves.

MandyBueno profile image
MandyBueno in reply to 13ga

Thanks for your words. It meant a lot to me and gave me more motivation to seek answers inside of me . Thank you thank you thank you :)

13ga profile image
13ga in reply to MandyBueno

you're so welcome, mandy - i'm glad i could help! 👍

I can relate to you in many ways. I would suggest taking time to reflect on yourself. Think about hobbies that you enjoy, what activities do you like to do, and take 20 mins out of your day to spend a little time by yourself. Find comfort in the fact that he's still "with you" when you are working on yourself. Also, meditation helps immensely. I like Headspace. It helps with all different kinds of things. 🙂

I'm sure your partner has faults to, as we all do. I believe you will have many problems ups and downs in your marriage as everyone does. My partner used to be very jelish, he still does get a bit of the green eyed monster in him now and again but he never mentions it. The reasons for this are I find it such an ugly trate. Without being rude its smothering, overwhelming and unbearable. If he hadn't of stopped, I would of 100% walked away. I reassured him lots but would not stand for any jealousy. Your partner can help you by not tolerating the jealousy. I'm sure history won't repeat it self. Be confident in who you are and if he is the love of your life be confident that he is with you for the many perfections not your imperfections 😁😁Just don't be jealous 🙈 it makes you want to run

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