Hi, I'm new here. I'm struggling with a pretty severe depressive episode that has me feeling very hopeless about my future and my counselor suggested seeking out a support group as those around me haven't really been very supportive recently.
Here's the thing, tho: I'm just at a loss as to where to go from here. I desperately want to live independently and raise a family of my own but I've never been able to keep a job for more than 18 months. I've been trying to change careers from customer service call centers to computer programming for five years now - I'm good at the work but I keep losing my job because my depression will flare and I'll find myself unable to function for anywhere from a few days to a few months! At least it's not a few years, anymore...?
I don't know what to do at this point. How can I ever hope to be able to be self-reliant, much less be able to have kids, if I can't even keep a job for more than a year? My home life is very stressful and depressing but if I'm too depressed to go to work how will I ever be able to move out again? I've always been sure, in the past, that eventually something would change and things would get better. For the first time I just don't see that happening. If I can't go to work, I will get fired, like always, and if I can't keep my job then I can't do anything, really. What is even the point of looking for a new job right now? I can't get out of the bed at least 50% of the time!
If you have found yourself stuck, dependent on others because you haven't been able to do for yourself, unable to work long-term, running out of time to achieve your goals in a very real way, how have you gotten moving again? Any tips on how I can create a stable income even when I can't work? Anyone ever been in a place where you weren't currently suicidal but you knew if things didn't change you would get there eventually? I've never really worried about being suicidal, it just hasn't been a symptom of mine, but if this is still my life in 7 years I don't know how I could avoid becoming suicidal then.
Written by
SwankyFrankie
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
Hi Welcome to the community, I am new too.Big questions you are asking, sometimes it is helpful to think about what we can control in our situation - you do not know if you will ever get to being suicidal, so can you park that for now?
All you can control is your current situation. Are there any ways things could be better, even in the little things, making sure you are doing things you enjoy, even if that is reading, listening to great music, going for a good walk. Can you connect with others online if not face to face. Have you tried using a happiness jar etc.
Concentrating on the small stuff, just getting through today with some positive things can be helpful.
I very much feel like I have no control over anything of import. My counselor says I need an easy win to help get my mind back to being open to positivity, so I've set an 'easy' goal. I don't see how it will help, tho, tbh. I need something drastic to change, I need to be able to move out, I need to be able to find some financial security, I need to be somewhere I feel physically and emotionally safe.and I just don't see how I can do any of that, regardless of how many small wins I have, if I can only work for a year at a time. 😩
Have you tried any medication? I have tried several anti-depressants throughout the past 25 years. Some I couldn't tolerate at all due to side-effects, while some have helped, but I had to stop because the benefits didn't outweigh the side effects. However, I have many friends who have had great success with anti-depressants. I have a great counselor, but I am also working very hard to combat anxiety and depression. I am reading "You are a Bad Ass," by Jen Sincero and "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel Van der Kolk, MD. Another book that is older, but still very relevant is, "Don't Sweat the Small Stuff, " by Richard Carlson Ph. D. I also journal and get the thoughts that are in my head out on paper, and recently have been focusing on gratitude and making a gratitude list. I know it's hard to see anything good when you're depressed, but even something as small as being thankful for running water can help you start to see the little things that we often take for granted. I am struggling, too, and have been for most of my adult life, but I have learned that it's not going to go away unless I am an active participant in my healing and growth. Sometimes we keep ourselves down because even with the pain, it's more comfortable than change which can cause more anxiety. I am 60 years old and realize so much of my life has been spent being depressed and not living my life as I thought I would. Sure, things happen that are out of our control, but our response to those things make us or break us. It sounds cliche, but there are no second chances and no do-overs in this life. We all have one shot. I sincerely hope you are doing better soon.
I have been in your shoes. Luckily my husband has a good job so my role has become taking care of the house and supporting him and my grown children any way I can. Do you have a psychiatrist and a therapist? Mine have helped me tremendously. Don't give up on your dreams. You're stronger than you think. Perhaps you could find a job where you are able to work remotely some of the time. Please keep us posted. HUGS and BLESSINGS!
I do, both. I'm working with a talk therapist and I'm on medication for both anxiety and depression. I was working 100% remote because of covid, which I think helped me get to the one year mark. Usually I only have my jobs for about 6 months. 😕
Usually I'm a 'ok, that didn't work. Let's try again but change this' kind of person. I try to learn from my mistakes and I always have another thing to try. But at this point I'm out of ideas.
I have medication and a therapist. I've done CBT therapy, group therapy, an intensive out patient program for depression and anxiety. I used to work in call centers and I knew that was a big factor in my depression and anxiety, so I did what I needed to and got training in programming, found a job with a more flexible schedule, took advantage of pto and wfh when I could trying to avoid burn out. My neighborhood was getting pretty sketchy so I moved to a quieter one. I was trying to eat a better diet, beginning to exercise, made sure I was getting enough sun. But still, my depression took over for months and I lost my job, again. I'll be really lucky to find someone willing to hire me in programming again since I've been fired from three jobs in the three years I've been working in this field. Every job. I just don't know what else to try. I'm still taking my meds, I'm still in therapy, but I just don't see how I'm ever going to get better if I have to start over every year because I lost my job again..
Sometimes the only thing to do is take things day by day or even minute by minute. I wish I had a magic wand I could wave to help. But you are part of this group and everyone here is wonderful. Understanding and supportive. Keep us posted. I'll be thinking of you.
Im 32 and a women so we have that in common. It good you say you dont feel clinically depressed right now. I too am situationally depressed. I started writing an autobiography and am unsure of what i will do with it but it does help me. Journaling helps a lot too. Its so hard to type on here cause there is so much to say and its difficult to know where to start but atleast we are on here trying. For work I do substitute teaching and online english teacher. They both work with me being unstable.
I find it really hard to write about myself and my life. I was a published author before my first major depressive episode, but I published short fiction, some poetry, and the occasional creative non-fiction. When I try to journal I feel like I'm just complaining. To myself. I have no idea how I would handle writing an autobiography. I'm sure it would so emotionally taxing, but I'm also sure my life isn't interesting enough to fill the page. Lol I hope it works well for you! Maybe you can even publish it someday, or use it as a jumping off point for a novel or something.
yeah thanks. In college I took creative writing and just loved it. Do you have any of your work? This is the first page and first sentence.
This book is for you. If in anyway this book touches you, allows you to learn something or makes you laugh, it’s served its purpose . This book is for me.
What brings you to this site? Its funny as long as we keep trying to learn and understand and figure things out
I am sorry you are facing this. I have gone through times when I felt as you do. My life seemed very hopeless. I can say the only answer I found that truly brought peace to my life was a relationship with the one who made me. When I understood that Jesus loved me and died for me to set me free it was very freeing indeed. Your life has tremendous value and you are a masterpiece in the eye of the creator. Sometime this world tries to tell us that we are just dust made up of particles but we are so much more than that. You have a soul and it is the part of you that is the real you. I hope that this encourages you and that you have a chance to read a book in the bible called John. I think it may be very helpful to you. You are in my thoughts!
I have a question in return for you. -Do you feel like that you are suicidal right now? - If so call the National Suicide Hotline number and please talk to them! - 18002738255. You are very important, please call!
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
What are you listening to right now?
What are you thinking right now? How are you? 
Reeling over GAD Diagnosis - What Now?
What should I do to heal? 
I havent been in a good place for a while now
