Endless cycle of frustration

[GoldenMaknae97]

So I am currently in grad school, and live at home because it saves a lot of money. However, my parents really restrict my outings. They have always been strict and now as an adult, it really hinders me from doing things by myself on my own. I have a curfew, cannot stay over at anyone's house. I am thinking of moving into student housing but I know that's not a financially smart decision. I keep weighing the pros and cons to see if my independence is really worth taking out some loans to pay for housing... BTW my family is very extremely traditional Mexican, conservative that thinks the children will not move out until they are married. It's really starting to bother me now. I feel bad if I left and essentially I would lose a lot of support but maybe that's the price to pay to have freedom and independence ?

[langedechu]

have you ever tried explaining to your parents that you would like more freedom? maybe you can come to a compromise. best of luck though x

[GoldenMaknae97 in reply to langedechu]

I haven’t because my mom always gets her way. It’s her way of the highway and my dad does whatever she says. I haven’t tried because of the fear I anticipate of her reactions

[langedechu in reply to GoldenMaknae97]

well, what's the hurt in asking? sometimes I'm really afraid of what my mom will tell me when I ask for things but sometimes she actually understands. it could be this way for you too, and if you don't shoot you can't score.

[GoldenMaknae97 in reply to langedechu]

you are so right. I guess the thoughts or scenarios I make in my head of the worst possible outcomes just prevent me from trying. Like I know that if I say hey mom I am going to my friend's house and staying the night she will ask why and get mad because she hates that kind of stuff. She just doesn't trust me to be out in the world which is kinda dumb because when I was away in college doing my undergrad I had all the freedom in the world and I didn't do anything to jeopardize my career.

[BlueSky125]

I think if your going to stay at their house you should follow their rules. You have to decide if the money your saving is worth the aggravation. Write out pros and cons of each choice.

[marsdream]

You live under their roof so you will need to abide by their rules. If you have a group of friends that you can share an apartment with and pay your fair share, then maybe go that route for more independence. Parents make rule out of love for their kids. When I hung out and spent the night with friends, my parents knew who my friends were. So my mom knew I was in a safe place. Try talking to your parents about easing your curfew, show more responsibility around their house by doing what you need to help with cooking or cleaning or paying any bills that you can help with, then maybe they will start to relax their rules.

[GoldenMaknae97 in reply to marsdream]

I like the idea of living with friends but none of my friends are willing to

[pam4him]

Perhaps instead of moving out, you could pay a small amount of rent to them. Put together a contract that addresses the issues of your outings since you will be a tenant. It doesn't have to be a lot of money. It might even be some exchange of chores or something. Try having a discussion with whichever parent seems to listen to you more. I understand the need for freedom, but if you move and have to secure more loans, you'll have more debt when you graduate. Just some things to consider. Prayers for wisdom.

[GoldenMaknae97 in reply to pam4him]

this is a great idea! My dad would be more willing to listen than my mom. That lady does not listen to anything that disagrees with her own beliefs~