Depression, endless overthinking

[Randomlonely]

I can't do this anymore. I want everything to stop. I'm constantly thinking about things I cant do anything about and I'm always philosophizing. I just want to stop these thoughts in my head. It's so hard to live like that every day is teasing. The only reason I'm still here is my parents, my brother and my loving cousins and caring relatives. But I'm such a burden I just want to live a normal life without the pain and I want to feel like I did 5 years ago.

[Rafiki11]

What was different in your life 5 years ago? ❤️

[Randomlonely in reply to Rafiki11]

I didn't have the obsessive thoughts. I was way happier and satisfied with my life.

[Rafiki11 in reply to Randomlonely]

Could you make a list of things you enjoy? I’m learning that making myself take care of myself helps some. I’m trying to do one thing each day. Last night I listened to a podcast.

Here’s the list I made this week:

Light a candle

Take a bath

Sit in the massage chair

Walk on the tread climber

Go on a walk

Take the kids to the park

Yoga

Lotion

Read a book

Look at the clouds or the stars

Hydrate

Play a board game

Snuggle family or pets

Color

Write down how I feel

Add to a gratitude journal

Send a note to a loved one

Listen to music

Bake cookies

Breathing exercises

Look at family photos

Make a plan with a friend

Write a song

Learn Spanish

Listen to a podcast

[Randomlonely in reply to Rafiki11]

Thank you for the list. I try to do things that I love and make me feel secure. I spend more time with my family. I look at old photos and things that bring back memories. That makes me sad but also happy at the same time.

[Rafiki11 in reply to Randomlonely]

I’m happy to hear that! I’m learning that self care really helps with depression.

[FearIsALiar]

I know the feeling

[FearIsALiar]

You’re definitely not alone in the way you’re feeling

[gerrerd]

Go to potentials unlimited online get the relaxation download !

[kvolm2016]

I'm sorry that you are carrying all this emotional pain at this time. Glad to hear that you do have some loving people in your life. Are you able to share your feelings with them or do you try to shield them from your feelings? Since you mention the issue you are having with controlling your thoughts, have you ever learned any techniques for focusing/refocusing your thoughts?

[Randomlonely in reply to kvolm2016]

I try to not overthink so much and to stay in the present and think about the moment but sometimes especially when I'm alone I can't control the obsessive thoughts. I told my parents about my feelings and they hug me and they care but they also feel very bad and they have their own problems too. They dont want me to feel like that and they always try to calm me but its hard. The worst thing is that i have exams soon and they are very important for my future and stressed me much more and I can't concentrate.

[kvolm2016 in reply to Randomlonely]

I wonder if you have learned this pattern of thinking from them. Is that what they have modeled in their methods of dealing with life? And do you find that your tendencies to overthink/obsess are broadly applied to every aspect of your life or just with some areas?

[Randomlonely in reply to kvolm2016]

My parents are not like me. They are like the opposite of me. They take action and do things well and are more active. I'm lazy, I don't have any motivation and i can't concentrate. I've always been worried much more than needed. I'd say in almost every situation it's been like that. I'm sensitive and almost everything gets me thinking about "what have I done wrong" or "I shouldn't have done that", ,,maybe If I...." and I'm also thinking about the future. Thinking about how I'd may lose someone that I love or that a friend wouldn't want to talk to me anymore. That's what makes me feel the WORST - The fact that almost everyone and everything is temporary and it makes me not wanting to start anything. I deleted many social media apps because they stressed me even more and affected me in a bad way.

[Sankissjuice in reply to Randomlonely]

Good job on deleting social media accounts.

[Randomlonely in reply to Sankissjuice]

Thank you! That's one of the things that I'm most proud of. I wish I could bring back the time I've lost scrolling on social media apps to spend it with my family but I was so deluded. Social media only left me overwhelmed with the feeling of emptiness.

[kvolm2016 in reply to Randomlonely]

I appreciate you continuing to share your feelings and experiences here. Since your parents aren't like you, do you get caught up in thinking that their way of handling life is the "right" way and yours is not? It sounds like you may be a very sensitive, internal thought processor which is just a different way of experiencing and reacting to life than those who are very external and action oriented would react. Neither way is better or worse, each way has strengths and weaknesses. Every person experiences and reacts based on the way their brain is wired, so one thing we can do to help ourselves is to learn about our personality and emotional tendencies. Have you done much reading or exploring these topics?

[Sankissjuice]

Totally can relate