Its been 6 months since my last post, i dont have alot to talk about, although alot happened, i no longer feel the need to vent to solve my problems, nor feel the urge to seem reassurance or approval of my events or decisions which is a but freeing, sometimes scary, but my new motto is do it scared and its giving me wonders, not bad decisions, but things that i wouldnt normally do because anxiety is always in the way.
Eventhough i had the most progress in the middle of a pandemic which is odd, always thought i will go downhill because of all the bad circumstances teaming up against me , i still had some setbacks even now. A thing i realized, is that progress isnt at all linear, its not steady, it doesnt get better then ur suddenly magically all better
Anxiety is a fluctuating spectrum like thing, you can be on top of the world one day, the next day you feel like youre at step 1 all over again, i believe we fight anxiety to the smallest bit that we forget its needed, and we dont think that sometimes its normal to be worried, im getting these doubts that i had early in the year, im in university now and i overcame most of the anticipatory anxiety , atleast so i thought, with the build up stress from exams , waiting for results seems like hell, and although last summer i was so proud to not worry over much more important results that got me into the university itself, i still find myself taking many steps back, not sleeping well, feeling a bit anxious, but im really trying to have faith in myself, convince myself im not the worst student ever, and that i do have what it takes to do well because i know i do, i know my marks reflect that, but self doubt is a but overwhelming sometimes
This isnt a negative post after all, just thought i would check in , just an extra reminder whatever youre feeling right now isnt permanent , im holding on, and im doing ok, stay safe everybody