Broken

[Mrspjsmom]

I feel completely broken inside and out. Haven't felt this lousy in a long, long time. Not even looking forward to the holidays. Actually all the holiday decorations are making me feel worse. Yesterday my husband asked me to decorate the house. Since I decorate by myself I have no desire to even begin. None of my coping tools are helping. I'm not sleeping, forcing myself to eat and just want to stay home and be left alone. Our children are grown with homes of their own. We have no grandchildren. My husband and children are working on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. I really only want to decorate the tree this year. So torn. Do I decorate for my husband or just decorate the tree? Whatever I decide to do will be met with hurt feelings and aggravate the arthritic pain in my back. Perhaps I should just super glue myself together and go all out.

[Catsamaze ADAA Volunteer]

Hi Broken. So sorry you’re feeling so bad though you certainly have reason to. As for the issue at hand, concentrating on the tree is a great idea. Go all out on the tree and set your boundary there as to what you’ll do without anyone else’s help. But this situation is only a symptom of something bigger, or put another way it’s the tip of the iceberg. It seems that you are not appreciated for anything you do, and that you are expected to do a lot. You mention that all you want to do is stay home. Is that really true? Right now it doesn’t sound like a place that is going to lift your spirits. Are there friends you can spend time with? Or interests you’d enjoy pursuing? It just feels from your post that you’re kind of a prisoner in your own house though you have the keys. It’s your life that needs decorating and it sounds like you won’t have much help from your family doing that. That’s ok! They are all doing their own thing and you deserve to do yours. It’s a matter of figuring out what you’d like that to be. We’re all rooting for you here!

[Mrspjsmom in reply to Catsamaze]

Thank you. I never thought of it that way but much of what you said rings true. I am not appreciated much of the time and due to Covid I haven't been able to do many of the things I enjoy doing. I also haven't been able to spend time with several friends because of their health. My husband is an Emergency Room nurse and they have to be extremely careful of Covid because of their health problems.