Fragile but not broken

[WouldntYouLikeToKnow]

I told my husband today that I'm not ok. Which was hard for me. I have been so good with keeping my depression at bay I honestly haven't felt depressed or had any down days. Until about a month ago I finally told my husband today and he just told me I'm okay? I don't understand how he just dismissed it and now I don't want to bring it up.

[ReadingGuy]

Here you are not alone. Your opening up showed that you are risking showing the real you. Ask questions, ask for help, and know there are many here on the same road. Each of us supports one another. Tell us what you need.

[Hidden in reply to ReadingGuy]

I like your username, Wouldn'tyouliketoknow. Why are you not ok do you think?

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I noticed you are fragile and not broken. That's positive, I think. I'm sorry you are not ok right now. Is there anything I can do or say that would help you right now? I hope you figure it out with your husband and feel better soon. I would bring it up to him again if it's bothering you or ask a doctor or someone qualified to talk about depression.

[WouldntYouLikeToKnow in reply to Hidden]

I feel like I am hollow no true emotions and I've lost interest in doing anything.. which is unlike me I'm 100mph and I just feel spent..

[WouldntYouLikeToKnow in reply to ReadingGuy]

I'm honestly not sure.. I haven't felt this way in so long. I have no interest for anything in my life just getting out of bed feels hard to do. Im normally going 100 mph. Im just physically mentally and emotionally spent. I'm always everyone's rock and I hold everything together all the time I just wish I could rely on someone some of the time. But I literally have no one to lean on now and then.

[SRNM]

When I told my wife for the first time that I have anxiety and panic issues she also dismissed it at initially.

But I kept on telling her it is a real issue and then I told my brother as well. They finally realised I was being serious about this matter. I also consulted a psychiatrist.

Now I am on medication plus excersise. I was managing my mental issues well and then this Covid happened!!

[WouldntYouLikeToKnow]

Thank you everyone for your support. I'm honestly glad to of found this group. My husband knows I live with a lot. I have PTSD and anxiety but I haven't had issues that I felt of depression until recently I'm not really sure why I'm feeling this way.. I think thats why I was upset that he dismissed me telling him.

[WouldntYouLikeToKnow]

Thank you I just want to find a group maybe local that I can let out what I'm holding in. Im so sorry but it sounds like it's the best for you!

[WouldntYouLikeToKnow]

Good for you! I know exhausting being with someone like that can be im happy for you! He has several addictions it's something he is working on. I think he's doing well but he lies constantly usually about small things but that just makes me worry more about the big things. I am honestly all over the place. Im so busy trying to care for everyone and make everything ok for them that I have nothing left for myself. I also worry because I can't tell if that's what's pushing me from my husband. If its me and I need to work on me or him needing to work on himself. Probably both but he never follows thru unless it's what he wants because he is very selfish. Just always trying to sort out my life and my feelings is hard..

[HisDaughter]

I am sorry about how your husband has responded! I am sorry about how you feel! It is not always easy for people to believe or understand how serious mental illnesses are. Are you meeting with a therapist? Nowadays, therapists and counselors are holding sessions with patients online. A counselor or a therapist can help you a lot and your husband could join you and it would help him become educated about what is like for you to live with PTSD and anxiety and depression. But it also sounds like your husband could benefit himself from some counseling too. I think counseling or therapy is a good idea. Maybe you already meet with someone. I am glad you are sharing here. You are not alone. Those of us who suffer from mental illnesses share similar experiences. We have to continue to go on and do things that are good for us even when we feel very alone. One thing that doctors recommend is going out for walks. I hope that you are able to enjoy doing some things and that you never give up. I hope that you start feeling better soon.

[WouldntYouLikeToKnow]

Thank you I really appreciate your advice I'll surely take it! I have a hard time opening up and there's so much history to cover that it is hard to explain myself and how I'm where I'm at. I am as I'd say a Robin Williams but not as of lately it really bothered me when my daughter (7yrs old) noticed. Then I knew I needed to find help. Im still looking but I was hoping there was something like a group meeting if such a thing exists?

[HisDaughter]

I know there is a group called Celebrate Recovery and they usually meet at churches. You could find out on their website if there is a group meeting near where you live. Therapists and counselors are helpful people. Even when it is hard to share or if you feel like you don't know where to begin, therapists understand many things and with time it feels natural to share with them. It is a good thing that you shared here. We have to seek help. We have to join some groups sometimes, even if it doesn't seem easy to talk about ourselves or to explain how we feel. You are worth getting better. And you are not alone. There are others who suffer from a mental illness too. It is necessary to do things that are going to help us.

[HisDaughter]

There is an organization I know about that has a staff of licensed professional counselors who listen, pray, and provide guidance to anybody who calls. You could speak with one counselor at no cost by calling 1-855-382-5433. Someone will listen to you and provide guidance and referrals.

[HisDaughter]

I hope things improve a lot and that you are able to have happiness.