Severe Social anxiety

[LonelyTaurus]

Hey everyone, I'm pretty reluctant to write this post, because I never really know what to say to people, when it comes to talking about myself. Anyway, I guess the main point of this post was to talk about my experience with extreme social anxiety and loneliness and also ask if anyone has any advice.

For me, I think the cause of my social anxiety stems from my insecurities. My insecurities tend to come from perceived embarrassing social situations that have happened in the past. I'm aware that sometimes the situations aren't as embarrassing as I imagine them to be, but I tend to be a highly self-critical person who always wants to appear as relatively perfect (Recently, I've started to challenge my views more.)

The main thing is that, I typically take past failures to heart, especially if they keep re-occurring, and this fuels my social anxiety because then I think that the people I was awkward around before are judging me and then this causes me to avoid some situations, for example I seldom join other people's conversations unless I see it as completely necessary even though sometimes I will be interested in the topic. A lot of the time my social anxiety prevents me for asking my teachers for help during lessons, It also prevents me from developing any friends because I almost never go out of my way to initiate conversations with people that I haven't spoken to before. I don't go out unless I need to go shopping or go to school or some other essential event, because I don't really have much to do outside of my home. I think it would be nice to have other people to talk to, other than my sister and mother.

I'm 16 years old and I have no friends in the real world, If we leave out family, due to how much I avoid new social experiences. My life has became like a repetitive cycle. Each time you avoid a social situation, you feel bad at yourself for doing so, and then that reinforces you're negative beliefs about yourself, e.g. "I'm not normal" or "I have no social skills" and then the you avoid more situations, I'm sure most people with social anxiety can relate to this cycle. Also I tend to have a thing where I daydream excessively about a better version of myself or other characters, who have friends and skills, sometimes this interferes with my schoolwork because it makes it difficult to concentrate for long periods of time. One thing I'm grateful for however, is the internet, because it allows me to find helpful information online, without having to interact face-face with people, I pretty much spend all my time on it.

Anyways, this turned into a bit of a major rant but I hope that it helps anyone out there who's experiencing a similar situation, or spreads awareness to people who aren't as familiar with the effects of social anxiety. Thanks for reading.

[langedechu]

hey, first off never be afraid to say what you feel here bc that's what this platform is all about. you gotta remember too that a lot of us are going through the same things and you're never alone. i just went through a stupid situation with this guy where I haven't seen him in over three months (we've been talking online for maybe a month) but I went to visit him at work and let's just say it was weird and I started panicking after, thinking that he hated me and would never talk to me again. if there's ever anything specific you want to tell someone dm me and we can work it out

[LonelyTaurus in reply to langedechu]

Thanks a lot for the support! 😀

[langedechu in reply to LonelyTaurus]

anytime x

[FriendlyDude]

Welcome you can post anything you feel you need to share. This is an awesome community, and people truly care. I’m not too sure what advice to give you, but I’ll try

I don’t like talking in group settings 😅 so I too have a hard time asking teachers for help during lessons. I have found that it’s a lot easier if I just ask the teacher directly on my own time. Before school, during lunch, or after school, whenever. Then it’s a one on one instead of the whole class overhearing. Teachers are paid to teach, and more often than not, teaching is their passion. Most teachers love what they do, and if you reach out, a lot of the time they become more lenient and willing to provide help, whether it be extra time, answering questions, offering help sessions, or whatever you need all ya gotta do is reach out.

I’ve also struggled with social skills and making friends, there was a time I felt I had none. What helped me was to find one person to start with, someone I felt good about. Then I slowly opened up to them and developed a friendship over time. I look back and feel awkward (and laugh sometimes too) about my lacking social skills sometimes 😂 but that’s how I learned. How does one learn to have social skills, if they don’t practice them? Even in the present, I’m still learning. Over time I learn more and more. I still feel awkward about some things, but I make sure to remember that it’s how I learned and got to where I am now. Once I saw and felt how amazing it is to have friends and the success I had in opening up, I felt more comfortable and willing to open up to more people. Now I have multiple amazing friends all it takes is practice. Like all things, the more you sincerely practice something, the better you become at it.

I hope you find what you’re looking for I wish you the best!

[LonelyTaurus in reply to FriendlyDude]

Thanks for the advice! I'll definitely take it into consideration.