Hello everyone. I’ve been depressed for about 6 years now and I finally decided to get help this past July due to the insistence of a coworker turned best friend. Shortly after I stared getting help I met this great guy. I felt so comfortable around him that I told him all about my mental health issues on the second date. I thought it would scare him away but it didn’t. Fast forward 2.5 months and my best friend/coworker is getting a new job, COVID is getting worse, and my SAD really starts to set in and so I am depending on this guy more then ever. He has become my best friend and I was his. I thought everything was going great. I woke up one Wednesday morning and am having a bad day. I was in a dark place and I needed some reassurance and so I asked him lots of questions in a row. Apparently I asked the wrong questions because he broke up with me. Basically I freaked out and my depression got the best of me and that was the final straw for us. So while there is more, do yall think I will be able to get the guy back? He hasn’t talked to me in a month. He was my best friend and I miss him.
Hi: Hello everyone. I’ve been depressed... - Anxiety and Depre...
Hi
Hi. Sorry to hear you have had a bad time recently. Have you tried talking to him and explaining what actually happened? If so, what has he said?
You could try that, but really im sat here wondering what you could of asked that would of been so upsetting, it sounds like he wasn't all that supportive if he already knew about your mental health? Whatever you decide to do, don't apologise for who you are. Yes we are humans and we say things when we shouldn't sometimes, but if he wanted to be with you he would be understanding and supportive towards helping you. If you’re able to have a calm, welcomed conversation with him then I encourage it, but if not then don't pressurise the situation, it will only add to your stress.
I know its easier said than done, but setting yourself small goals, taking time to do the things you enjoy again might really help take your mind off things. But I do understand what its like to be shut out from someone and I can really emphasise. Take care, always here to chat if you need.
Xx
Thank you for your reply. And you’re right I’m probs giving him too much credit. He was probs just a great actor in the beginning 🤷🏽♀️ I just need to move on because if he wanted to be in my life he would be. Thank you!
"If someone seriously wants to be part of your life, they will seriously make an effort to be in it. No reasons. No excuses." It's great that you have started getting help with your depression! I hope you find this support group helpful too!
You’re right! Thank you for your comment
I am sorry you went through that. It is really tough to lose someone you love in any capacity. I can relate; a girl who I called my best friend, and who I was in love with, decided she didn't want to talk to me ever again after I was having a rough few weeks and depended on her a lot. I haven't spoken to her in over 2 years, and started therapy right afterwards for my depression.
Since we stopped speaking I learned a lot about relationships and friendships. They are obviously a 2-way street, but if someone walks away when you need them most, it is probably for the best. Dark times reveal who our true friends are...it doesn't sound like he was really there for you if he left when you needed him.
I know it stings now and hurts now, but maybe it is for the best. I know for me, it took a long time to understand that her leaving was the best thing for me. I hope you find solace quicker than I did and I hope you feel better soon! If you ever need to chat let me know! Better times are ahead!
Thank you for you kind words and I was doing well but I just relapsed and I miss him again
I'm sorry to hear that. I know how hard this is and I wish I could say the feeling goes away quickly. It takes a lot of reminding yourself that you will be okay without him.
Have you been doing anything to take your mind off of him or to get the thoughts out of your head? Journaling/songwriting/ poetry? I know those things helped me get my thoughts out of my head and see exactly what I was feeling. I found it helpful, but it was something I had to continuously do.
Hi I thought I replied. And I’ve been journaling and that helps a little. But it’s just so frustrating because all my hobbies became our hobbies. He forced himself into my life. We became one and then he was able to exit. We shared all my hobbies and only a few of his. So he’s still able to live and without thinking about me. Like I helped him decorate his entire house and we made so many future plans and then he just decided to be done with me. Like I know it’s not me but I feel like it was.
It's not you. It can be very difficult to take those hobbies back as your own. I know I struggled to go to places and restaurants I associated with my former friend. She lived through me for a long time...sometimes she still does. It's hard to form new associations with the things you used to do with him. For me, I spent a lot of time finding a couple of new hobbies; ones that she had no association with. And then over time, go back to my old hobbies and places.
It takes time but the association fades and to take control of the things you enjoy. But it will happen. Maybe it would help to branch out and find new interests. Something that you have for yourself and you don't have associated with any other person.
Thank you so much for your insightful answers and I will try harder.
I dont know how relevant this is to you specificaly, but alot guys (myself included at times) tend to put all their emotional eggs in one basket.
Guys that are emotionally immature who make their gf their everything tend to react kind shitty when they find out that their everything cant give them what they want. Instead of doing the hard emotional work that relationships require they just give up.
Bassicaly I think they want a relationship that gives to them emotionally while they dont have to give up that much themselves. Sadly I've had friends that do this (and if it's any comfort I give them shit about it).
Im sorry you had to go through all that, I hope things get better for you.
Thank you for saying that. I get it we’re young and we all make mistakes but it doesn’t take away the hurt. Are the type guys that you’re talking about also awful at communicating why they’re running away? I’m not sure if my question made sense
No, it doesnt take away the pain. Im sorry you have to go through all this. To answer your question it depends, I think some guys do this without honestly even knowing that they are doing it. They just come up with excuses, I dont know if that's your guy though.
Thank you for your insight. I just laugh because guys are supposed to be the less confusing sex 😂🙃
Hi. I’m sorry you are dealing with this. I appreciate you felt comfortable with him, but honestly, you are too good for him. Would you hurt a person asking you questions like he is? I don’t think you would. He’s just not on your level of intelligence, insight and kindness. Can you accept he’s not right for you?
No I wouldn’t. And I’m realizing that. I am just annoyed that it took him so long to show his true colors. I thought he seemed too good to be true... and I am starting to accept that. It’s just so frustrating because his would self quarantine just for me because he knows that I’m immunocompromised and that I can’t miss work. Like why would he voluntarily give up his friends and fun so that he could see me and hangout with me and then just decide to be done?
Who cares why he did what he did. He’s not good enough for you. You will need to take extra good care of yourself now
I have the more obnoxious husband in the world. Do better than me and move on
Will do! And you’re right. It’s in the past and no longer relevant!! Thank you for giving it to me straight. I needed to hear that!
I think I can learn from your good judgment
Sounds like you are in a better place. Moving on in a healthy way! We can all learn from our past realtionships.
If we focus on what we can do better next time, that is helpful I am divorced and remarried and I do marriage different the second time around. There were many mistakes made in my first marriage, and I learned I had to concentrate on MINE, not his, and forgive him. The forgiveness was for me,. Once I went through the process of forgiveness and looking at my own faults and started to chnage, I was ready to move on into a healthy marriage. Christian therapy helped me by showing me there was HOPE, I am loveable and loving, and I am all right, with and without a man
Would you consider counseling?
Yes I would but my therapist does not think I am at a place where I would benefit yet. Like I’m not sure I would be able to not cry the entire time yet.
Have you considered another therapist? The first sessions with my counselor, crying is all I did! She sat in my pain with me. That was a gift! I used a Christian counselor, which was wonderful for me.
You ok
Am I okay, no. But my ex and I are officially done. Like done done and so for the first time in a while I feel free. Like yeah I'm still kind of sad but I am actually having a great day. Like no I didn't get any of my questions answered but I am okay with that. As soon as he gets his head out of his butt he's gonna be so upset with himself because he'll realize i'm actually gone and he's going to miss me so much and he's going to miss all that I used to do for him and with him. But thank you for checking how are you?
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