Family is fighting, need to vent

[Wowzerzzz]

Me and my boyfriend broke up so I don’t have him to talk to about this stuff anymore. So, I will talk to you all. My sisters is struggling with some mental health issues and my mom isn’t exactly equipped to handle it. And my sister is having trouble changing her ways. They’re fighting right now and it’s not fun to hear. As selfish as it sounds, the whole thing honestly just makes me miss my boyfriend even more because I would always tell him what’s going on in our chaotic house and he’d calm me down. I’m also worried about my sister and I really hope her depression doesn’t totally consume her and she can find a way out with some help. I just feel so useless because my CBT methods aren’t working for her and I’m not sure what else to do. Plus I feel like I have to console but my mom and sister even though they’re on “opposing” sides of all of this. Anyone have any advice on handling family mental health problems?

[Operalady]

Yes it could help if the three of you go for family council!

[PastelPink20]

Oh I’m sorry about your breakup. Congrats on becoming single in the way that you can get what your heart needs in a new way! Idk. Being reminded that friendships or mentors or books or other ways you can spend time taking care of you is good. (Even though it’s hard and sad and stuff I’m sorry).

Family fighting can create such a toxic air in the house that stays. It sounds like your sister needs professional help. It’s a big expectation to think that you would have to be the one to change her or help her. This is a journey you can only support her in... not go through for her.

I think being there for her is a great thing. I think reminding her that you love her, that she isn’t a burden, that there are reasons to laugh, that you like being in her presence, that you like listening to her are small things. A consistent presence - even if it seems like she just wants to isolate.

It’s hard to be in the middle. Take care! Your mom is at her wits end! Your sister is in survival mode! They both have to take steps to work through their issues or compromise their perspective to handle each other.

I don’t know how to resolve family conflict. I’m bad at that.

Sometimes: distraction can help. Leaving the environment and having space between the fighting individuals. Like if you can go get ice cream with your sister idk.

I don’t know if they’re screaming at each other or not. I don’t know if your mom would take anyone or everyone to therapy. I think you should do things to make yourself taken care of, heard, safe, or whatever. Tell your sister you need more hugs. Idk.

I think some of the solutions can’t and won’t happen when they’re in conflict... but bridge-building when they’re not in an argument. Like watching a funny video or sending them gifs of puppies or cranking up a song everyone loves? I think some things are less effective when people are on the defensive and don’t feel like listening... they’re just consumed with a need to feel heard.

You matter! You are loved! You are awesome for reaching out!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!Sending virtual hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!

[Hidden]

What I have learned is that if the fight is exclusively between your mom and your sister, let them have it out between them and stay out of it!!! It's great that you want to be helpful, but you don't need to get caught in the crossfire and you don't need to be the mediator. And it's great to be supportive to your sister and let her know you care about her, but you are not her therapist, you can maybe show her some books she can read on her own and let her know some things you've learned, but she has to do the work of helping herself.