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"What do you have to be depressed/anxious about?"

Lantis88 profile image
17 Replies

I hear the phrase, "What do you have to be depressed/anxious about?", way to much. It's the one saying that can truly make a person feel broken, especially when it comes from a loved one.

It makes a person with depression/anxiety want to keep to themselves even more, isolate themselves from the shame they feel when they can't directly answer that question.

How do you even begin to explain what's going on inside your brain to a person that feels like that when you don't understand it yourself? If we could answer that question ourselves maybe we would feel better, but we can't. We can figure out things that have triggered it, but for a lot of us it feels like it's been like this forever.

Just because someone else doesn't understand does not mean you are broken, or that you should be ashamed. Our brains just work a little different. If you have never been down in those dark places then you will never understand how much strength it takes to bring yourself back out.

We have to work a little harder to get through each day, but the hard work makes you stronger and understanding makes us compassionate and caring.

17 Replies
Mypoodle1122 profile image

So true. I just asked the group yesterday "why" depression, anxiety, etc. Then last night in bed (couldn't shut the brain off), I thought about all the demons I've fault off. The medical problems, lack of love, my fathers suicide, AND then I realized that maybe it is the accumulation of 55 years of strength for others, while neglecting myself that has caused the pile up of crazy. Yes, you can sense the OCD coming out. I just can't let go of "why".

I hear this a lot from my partner ever since we moved in together. It is very frustrating and almost heartbraking at times. Also my roommate asks me on occasion. He tells me to just "kill those negative thoughts." Solid advice.

Anyways thank you for this post, my daily frustrations seem a little less of an annoyance when I remember that there really are others going through this with me, whereever you guys are.

Maddie412 profile image
Maddie412 in reply to FixingThePineapple

That's meee, I'm one of those guys!!!

My ex used to say that to me constantly! He'd be like, "Why are you so worried about random things...stop thinking negatively...if you have a positive mindset then it will be better", stuff like that. At first I wasn't bothered (since he doesn't have experience with anxiety and depression like I do) but once I opened up a little bit and told him that my anxiety gets bad sometimes, he would still say the same things. It got to the point where I just wouldn't want to hang out because I didn't wanna hear it.

I know this post is kinda negative haha, but I'm not saying in any way that you should break up with your partner. Just wanted to let you know that I can relate...it's like people think you can just turn it off like a switch, but that's not how it is at all!!

rickrusch profile image

Very true. If is not said in words, it is said in looks.

For me it is the recurring thoughts (at times) of what may or may not happen in the future. I have a hard time shutting it off and it sometimes becomes a self-fulfilling prophesy. It wears me out over time. I wish I could live more in the moment but it is difficult for me. My grandmother used to say that 98% of what she worried about never happened.

Sound familiar?

Lantis88 profile image
Lantis88 in reply to rickrusch

Very familiar. It's a game of distraction and negotiating with your own brain. Try and keep the mind as busy as possible and when it all comes creeping back in ( because it always does) negotiate with your brain to let you stay in the present. Fight to regain some ground while your slipping into the rabbit hole.

rickrusch profile image
rickrusch in reply to Lantis88


Sadly emotional health which is more important in my opinion as it effects your physical health too is still stigmatized. But one day hopefully this will change!

rickrusch profile image
rickrusch in reply to

I agree but I think (my opinion) mental health is very related to physical health in that the medications we take can change/improve our mental states. I know that this is an oversimplification but I think we are at the tip of the iceberg in learning about the physiological roots of mental illness... just my opinion.

Antich profile image

People that don't struggle with mental health issues do not get it at all. They do not understand how the symptoms take over. It's the equivalent of someone saying, "but WHY do you have a stuffed up nose? There's nothing to be stuffed up about... MY nose isn't stuffed up...get over it....'

I think we have to NOT GIVE THOSE PEOPLE ANOTHER THOUGHT. They just don't get it so move on and get busy taking care of yourself. And sometimes it's hard. My husband doesn't understand it in me. More sadly, he doesn't understand it in our daughter. So we cope with that limitation of his and it is definitely hurtful sometimes. We still just keep our head down and do what we need to do and adjust the expectations we have of him. We don't expect him to understand or 'help' us. We also don't share that stuff with him. He has come to understand that some days we are 'not feeling it ' and need to stay home/lay in bed/be left alone.

I like to think that we are special. We are more capable of deeper feelings than him. LOL

Simplyme profile image
Simplyme in reply to Antich

I LOVE your perspective on your husband not understanding and how you are special, capable of deeper feelings than him!!

It's always looked at as our problem, never thought of it any other way, your view is enlightening!!!

LJHope04 profile image

Hello... As I was reading your post my eyes began to water up. I thought I was the only one who heard that. I have had that statement said to me so often that I never leave my home anymore because I feel like people think I'm putting on an act or something... Which just makes me feel embarrassed and ashamed. Sometimes my boyfriend says I get anxiety for attention and bring on my panic attacks myself. Im thinking seriously???? I am gasping for air, my blood pressure changes, my face gets red and hot and I sweat profusely but my nose and hands get ice cold. I'm crying because I feel like I'm being choked, having a heart attack and fearful that I'm going completely crazy and won't come back to reality ever. How can I fake physical symptoms and who would want to go through that on purpose??

Like you said, unless they have gone through it, and I don't mean like "oh once I had a panic attack before a speech" but REALLY feel it and know that at any moment it could happen again.....they won't ever understand.

Well, I understand you!

So get this....my coworker said that to me a few months ago after he walked in our offices while I was making an appointment with my psychiatrist. After I got off the phone he said you're going to a head doctor where do you have to be stressed out about? I said what I deal with isn't stress. Well anxiety is a cop out and just crazy, he said. Luckily my phone rang and I was able to end that chat. For the next hour or so in my mind I'm getting more and more angry I can feel the anxiety coming on, I just can't believe that he said that to me. And I thought you want crazy I'll give you crazy. Since then I have done little things like turn to him and say "are you going to finish that sandwich?" Of course there is no sandwich... And I usually get up and walk out so that it doesn't give him time to answer. Other times my phone won't ring but I'll answer it and say hello hello I can't hear you please call back and then I'll get up and walk out. One day he had mentioned that he was going to the dentist to get a tooth pulled and I asked him if I could have it..ha ha ha the look on his face was priceless! He doesn't spend much time in the office anymore! Ha ha it was all I could think of to do to make me feel better instead of coming down so hard on myself. Oh the funniest one was I took a Beatle I had found on my porch, real shiny purple and blue... In the bathroom at work I glued it behind my neck and covered it with my hair. I went back to my desk and proceeded to tell my 2 coworkers how spectacular I had been feeling lately and how I fell down stairs and wasn't injured and in the parking lot of the store a car hit me and I wasn't injured... They were looking at me really bizarre and I said the only thing I feel is like this weird pinching in the back of my neck and I turned and I pulled my hair off to the side and those two guys jumped up and ran out of the office so fast. Ha ha

Okay so my boyfriend said I went too far on that one but after the few comments my co-workers had said to me over the last year about how can my boyfriend put up with me and my anxiety and so forth I feel that I got the last laugh. Ha ha

So now whenever I hear that phrase I think of all the pranks that I had pulled on them and I can't help but laugh. Ha ha

Hopefully it made you laugh and didn't creep you out!

Good luck!!

Antich profile image
Antich in reply to LJHope04

Nice!!!!! It's great that you handled that with humor. I wish I could always react with such grace !

LJHope04 profile image
LJHope04 in reply to Antich

It wasn't easy but I had to figure out a way to freak them out enough to back off with their opinions. Until you have gone through what we go through, you just shouldn't step over the boundry of making such comments. They don't realize how it affects us.

Since then, they haven't given any advise or opinions! Lol

kathyncoke profile image

I hear it quite often. Sometimes in a positive phrase like, "You always seem so cool and collected, nothing ever ruffles your feathers (or you don't appear to have anything to be anxious about)." Those comments make me feel good, and sometimes I share more with those people because they really want to understand. Then I get the negative ones, "What are you (or do you have to be) anxious about? Why can't you control it? etc." My mom is a big culprit for saying these things. I tell her (and anyone else) that it isn't something I can control. Just like a person with diabetes can't make their body produce insulin or a person with bad eyesight can't correct their vision. I need a doctor's help, medications, etc. just like they do. I also use these examples when talking to parents about the possibility of their child having ADHD. When I ask them if they would refuse to get their child glasses or insulin, they always say "of course not". It gives them a different perspective to look at it from.

Mercedes11 profile image

...one of the hardest things to explain to someone else without sounding crazy.

Florida1959 profile image

Wow could have been me writing this, it’s so frustrating, when you hear those words, we feel like we have to explain all the time, thank you x

Booksbeaches profile image

i love what u wrote about getting out of the hole. i am so tired of my running thoughts all day and night, i just wish it would be quiet in my head

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